Why Looking Back Helps You Look Forward

As a year ends and a new one awaits on the horizon, we are offered an exceptional opportunity to reflect on the past twelve months, identify what we have learned, and then carry forward those lessons to make the next year even better. One of the most valuable aspects of this practice is that it helps us remember that we are not expected to be perfect while we are here and that there are no failures—simply lessons.  

 “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” 

--Sophia Bush 

While taking time to remember what you have learned, it is optimal to document your identified lessons in writing followed by a positive action step, inspired by this lesson, you would like to take forward into the next year. This allows you to view your life from another angle. An example of a lesson might be: 

I’ve learned that it is important for me to be adventurous. To explore the world. To go to new places and find out how others live. To listen to their stories. To learn that we are all more alike than different. These experiences are what make me feel alive and part of something much bigger. 

Action Step for 2023: I will plan two trips that take me out of my comfort zone and allow me to gain new experiences and insights. 

 “Everyday life teaches us a new lesson without any classroom.” 

--Danish Khan 

Another example might be: 

I’ve learned to own my truth and individuality. In order to attain my best life, I will identify what I want for myself (not what others want for me), and then determinedly head down this path. I will not feel critical of myself for pursuing what makes me happy. 

Action Step for 2023: I will create a weekly list of goals to achieve that move me one step closer every day toward my ideal life. 

This end-of-the-year practice also encourages you to talk back to the inner critic who is constantly telling you that you must be perfect, that you must compete with others to be happy, and that your fears are bigger than your dreams. It also allows you to release other negative thoughts that are holding you back from moving forward with a positive outlook. Finally, this practice empowers you to remember that you are the one who controls your life and attitude. 

 “Why let go of yesterday? Because yesterday has already let go of you.” 

--Steve Maraboli 

Before 2022 ends, become the most curious person you know. It’s time to get to know yourself on an even deeper level by taking an honest, nonjudgmental look at the past year, and then using what you learn to create a clear plan going forward that brings you more fulfillment and encourages you to shine your unique light onto the world. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Are You Fully Alive?

When asked, many of us might describe the majority of our days as simply ordinary. We go to work, come home, watch television, and go to bed. The next day we wash, rinse, and repeat. Although we know that every day can’t be exciting, it can still sometimes feel like we are in autopilot, methodically moving through each activity or habit without fully living in the moment. 

 You have the power to transform your thinking, anytime, anywhere. 

A friend once shared that when she is experiencing something new or exciting, she throws her head back, raises both her arms in the air, and yells, “I’M ALIVE!” This fun practice is such a great reminder to not just yourself, but to everyone around you to celebrate every extraordinary life experience. 

Whether you are riding a roller coaster, hiking a challenging trail, falling madly in love, traveling the world, giving a speech, taking candid photos, creating art, teaching others a skill, helping someone in trouble, or learning or trying something new, these moments in time provide an opportunity to stop, find joy in the experience, and then celebrate your existence in your own unique way. 

Occasionally reminding ourselves that we are fully alive is an extremely valuable step toward realizing happiness and fulfillment. 

 It is possible to celebrate your life every day in small ways. 

Right now, think about what are you doing when you feel fully alive. How often are you doing these activities that bring joy, make you feel proud of yourself, or build confidence? Replace one mundane habit (watching television) with a new habit (taking an art class) that pairs a concrete action step with your new pledge to live fully. 

 Do more of the things that make you come alive. 

Life is meant to be lived, not endured.  

Why are you here? I’m certain you are not here to robotically navigate through every day while wondering if this is all there is to life. What I am certain of is that you are here for an important reason – to fully live. 

There’s no time to waste. Get busy celebrating life and your beautiful existence. 

(Need an example? Watch the below video of Masaka Kids celebrating their lives!)

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Being Okay with Being Yourself

Most of us probably have felt like we didn’t belong at some point during our lifetime. Whether this event occurs on the playground, at work, or at a party, it can leave us with an unsettling feeling that, whether we realize it or not, often prompts us to question our characteristics, values, and personality traits and then wonder, “Why am I not good enough?” or “What’s wrong with me?”  

Truth be known, research studies have proven that humans are instinctively programmed with a desire to fit in, and will sometimes even alter their behavior in minor ways to do so. We all want to be unconditionally accepted for who we are, and it is our fear of rejection that often drives our need to belong. Yet, sometimes our quest to be accepted is not healthy, especially when that desire causes us to overhaul our entire personalities and become someone we’re not.  

 It can be exhausting to be a fake version of ourselves. 

If you are feeling the need to undergo a major transformation every day to fit into a certain environment, it may be time for you to evaluate whether you are presenting your true self to the world. Here are a few introspective questions that can lead you through the self-evaluation process:  

1. Who is my support group, and do they have my back at all times?

2. Is there anyone toxic in my support group who does not want the best for me?

3. Do I need to create boundaries to eliminate toxic influences?

4. Do I feel like I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole when I am at work?

5. Is there another professional role for me that would be a better fit or is it the culture?

6. If the answer is “no” to the above two questions, what would I like to be doing instead or what kind of culture would better fit my personality and core values?

7. What is my best characteristic?

8. Am I proudly presenting that characteristic to the world every day or am I trying to push it down and being someone I’m not?

9. Who am I really? (List all your characteristics and then circle how many you are currently exhibiting to the world on a daily basis.)

10. What is one thing I can do today that will lead me down a better path to being my true self, everywhere and all the time?

Think of it this way. Chemistry is important in every relationship and in nearly all situation in life. When we feel the right chemistry either with those around us or in any environment, we feel accepted, appreciated, and encouraged to be ourselves. No one can really explain chemistry. It’s a feeling. A nudge. A flutter in the gut. It’s either there or it’s not. Pay attention to the chemistry in your relationships and environments. If it’s not evident, move on. 

In the future, if you find you’re acting like someone you’re not the majority of the time, then ask yourself this powerful question:  

 Is this my ideal life, or am I living someone else’s? 

Then begin the self-evaluation process. It’s an insightful and extremely important step to ensuring you are being your authentic and unique self, always and forever. It’s really about accepting yourself and all your special qualities, isn’t it? There’s no one else exactly like you. Be yourself, love who you are, and you’ll be a magnet that attracts your best life. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Be Like an Ultramarathoner to Overcome Challenges

Ultramarathoners are a special breed of runners who train for and participate in races longer than the traditional marathon of 26.2 miles. Races often start at 30+ miles and can be as lengthy as 100 miles. The ability to complete these races depends on several characteristics that lie inside all of us: grit, endurance, and the ability to forge ahead with a focused mindset that does not fixate on others in the race, but instead on their own path forward.

Even if you’re not an ultramarathoner, you can utilize the above characteristics to help you overcome those seemingly insurmountable challenges that sometimes create roadblocks that prompt you to wonder if you’ll ever find a way over or around obstacles.

A competitive runner knows the keys to achieving goals in a race. Thankfully these secrets to success can easily be transferred to nearly any situation that life throws your way:

Confidence. Greater confidence comes from identifying and then conquering fears. Confidence also grows when you put a plan in place to address the issue, one step at a time, rather than procrastinating which only causes more worry about failing. By simply jogging in place, you will never reach the finish line. Inch along a little bit every day and reevaluate as necessary. Confidence comes with doing.

Mental strength. Mental strength is having the will to continue, even when you think you can’t. Feeling apprehensive or scared is all part of stepping outside your comfort zone. Identifying your strengths and talents and then finding a way to use them to overcome your challenges is paramount to achieving mental toughness.

Positive self-talk. It’s important to remember the value of positive self-talk. Removing the words “I don’t think I can” from our inner-dialogue the first step to achieving goals. Replace “I can’t” with “I will.” I will finish this race. I will come out on the other side of this experience a better, stronger person.

Visualization. Competitive runners often visualize the finish line when they “hit the wall” (an analogy for when they think they cannot continue). An important component of being able to overcome challenges is the ability to picture better days and a positive outcome in your mind. Take time every day to visualize the best possible results that you can attain from all your efforts.

A support crew. We all need a great support crew, ready to cheer us on from the sidelines. Surround yourself with a group of positive, strong supporters who believe in you, who provide honest feedback when asked, and can hold you accountable to fulfill what you have envisioned for yourself and your life.

Focusing on your own journey. It can be challenging to not compare yourself to others, either while competing in a race or moving through life. But comparing yourself to others and what they are achieving only hinders your own progress. Focus on yourself and your path. You are like no one else in life and neither is your journey. Remember this: the only person better than you is embedded in you.

No matter where you are in life, you have the power within you to utilize the above characteristics to first address and then overcome any challenge that comes your way. Think like a competitive runner. Create a positive inner dialogue, build confidence by doing, and focus on your own journey. When you cross the finish line, celebrate with your support group. You deserve it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

When the Worst Case Scenario Turns Out to be the Best Case Scenario

Gohei Nishikawa first took up the piano when he was a teenager living in Osaka, Japan. After nurturing dreams of playing professionally, he eventually gave up his aspirations when he couldn’t seem to break into the competitive field. But one day while filling in for another pianist during a recital, Nishikawa was discovered as a promising new talent. Shortly after moving to New York to study under American pianist, David Bradshaw, Nishikawa performed his first solo concert without any idea of the challenges that would lie ahead for him in the next year.

A few months later, Nishikawa noticed his hands becoming unusually stiff and ultimately received devastating news. He had focal dystonia, a chronic condition that causes muscles to involuntarily tighten. With limited use of his hands, it seemed his dream of playing professionally had died once again. Nishikawa, desperate and depressed for relief, attempted suicide.

After eventually coming to accept his situation, Nishikawa found work in a preschool and attempted to move on with his life. But when he was asked by the principal to play a song for the children in the classroom, everything suddenly changed for Nishikawa when he sat down at the piano after a long absence and realized the children only loved the music, not how his hands looked or the way his fingers operated. It was then that he began creating his own way to play, despite his physical challenges. Eight years after his diagnosis, Nishikawa officially made his professional debut. In eight more years, he played in the main hall at Carnegie Hall.

Today, Nishikawa performs around the world, demonstrating to his audience that many things are possible with perseverance and ingenuity. He is grateful for his physical challenge because it has helped him appreciate the smallest gifts in life. The words he lives by every day are, “The worst case scenario can turn out to be the best case scenario.”

In this mindfulness practice, think about a time in your life when the worst case scenario may have led you to a best case scenario you could never have imagined in your wildest dreams. Perhaps you endured an agonizing breakup, only to find the love of your life a few months later. Maybe you lost your job, only to find a much better role at a growing company. Perhaps you received a disheartening health diagnosis, only to find a devoted new friend in a support group.

Now as you continue to reflect, ask yourself, “What did I learn during this time? How have I changed for the better because of that experience? What am I more grateful for now than I was before?” It is important to recognize these valuable lessons as gifts, just as Nishikawa did.

Gohei Nishikawa nearly gave up during his darkest days. He openly shares his story today with the hope that he is an inspiration to others enduring their own darkness. While letting his stiff fingers seemingly dance across the keys in front of global audiences, he transformed into a perfect example of what can happen when we believe in ourselves and our ability to persevere and implement creative solutions, even while enduring a worst case scenario. 

To listen to Gohei Nishikawa’s performance at the United Nation’s 70th anniversary concert in 2019, click here: https://youtu.be/Erxpc6Doins

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - All It Takes Is One

When life propels us down a challenging path, it can sometimes feel like there are only dark days ahead. Yet if we stop to reflect on monumental moments in our past when just one thing changed our lives for the better, we can replace that negative inner chatter with hope for a new chapter.

Take this time to think about what moments in your past transformed the trajectory of your path in life. Perhaps it was an email from an employer with a job offer. Maybe a former colleague connected you with a mentor that helped you finally turn your side hustle into a full-time business. Perhaps a friend offered a few words of encouragement that helped you believe in yourself and press forward to achieve your dreams.

Now think about all the times you were the one who helped someone else. Maybe you were the patient who allowed a medical professional in training to stick you for a second time when she was unsuccessful on the first try, helping her to believe in herself and her abilities. Perhaps you were the CEO who realized that offering a team flexible hours and better benefits would increase productivity and morale in the long run. Maybe you were the mom who encouraged her children to explore their interests so they could eventually find their passions. Perhaps you were the person who reached out with an email to support an unemployed friend who had lost hope.

No matter where you are right now and no matter where those surrounding you are right now in their journeys, there is always hope. As Emily Dickinson once said, “Hope is the thing with features that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.”

Remember this: all it takes is one. One phone call, one conversation, or one email to change the direction of your path or the path of someone else. This realization is what will always bring light into the darkest of days.

Believe. Act. Never give up.

“Be an Encourager: When you encourage others, you boost their self-esteem, enhance their self-confidence, make them work harder, lift their spirits and make them successful in their endeavors. Encouragement goes straight to the heart and is always available. Be an encourager. Always.” ―Roy T. Bennett

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Take Back the Reins of Your Life

You may have heard of the popular Zen tale about a horse and its rider. As the horse wildly gallops down a road with its rider tightly gripping the reins, both man and animal eventually meet a stranger standing beside the road who curiously shouts, “Where are you going?” The rider replies, “I don’t know. Ask the horse!”

Although this story is short, it contains a powerful and symbolic message about empowerment. Each of us, no matter what our struggles or challenges, has control over the direction of our lives. But how do we find that direction when all we feel is lost? First, ask yourself this question:

Who is holding the reins of my life?

If you believe you are the only one holding the reins of your life, terrific! You have realized the power you have within to take control of where you are going and how you want to get there by creating a concrete action plan, setting clear goals, and assigning someone to hold you accountable to getting from here to there.

If you believe that someone else (or several others) are holding the reins instead of you, now is not the time to worry or continue treading water. The first step in attaining life transformation is to recognize the need for positive change. Now, ask yourself this question:

What is one thing I can begin doing today to point myself in the right direction?

Perhaps you would like to become a healthier version of yourself. Beginning with that idea, think about how you can transform one less-than-ideal daily decision into a positive action that guides you toward a bigger goal. Pledge to go to bed one hour earlier every night so you can awaken sooner and exercise. Log everything you eat into a food journal. Prep meals to save time and avoid mindless snacking.

If you are unhappy at your job, think about how you can replace a robotic daily decision with a better one that leads you down a new path. Rather than complaining about events that are out of your control, update your resume. Set aside time once a week to apply for new opportunities. Talk to a recruiter. Network with your connections.

Every time you complete an action that moves you in the direction of a more content future, reward yourself with positive self-talk. Now, ask yourself this one final question:

How do I feel about myself and my direction when I take steps toward positive change?

When incorporating positive change in your life, you create a path forward that leads to contentment. Socrates once said, “The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but in creating the new.” This is your life. Remember, you don’t have to be a helpless rider on a galloping horse. You have the strength. You have the courage. You have the power deep within to confidently take back the reins, make the changes you need to be content, and inspire others by walking the talk.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - Letting Go

Imagine yourself standing on the bank of this beautiful mountain stream. Now close your eyes, listen to your heartbeat, and breathe deeply.

What do you need to let go of today that is no longer serving you?

Take this moment to contemplate what you can control in your life and what needs to be lifted off your shoulders. These burdens can be emotions such as anger or jealousy; an unnecessary need to be perfect; or worries about how others perceive you that hold you back from pursuing your dreams. Whatever your burdens are, decide which one is the heaviest. Now imagine yourself lifting that burden off your shoulders, placing it on a raft, bidding it farewell forever, and pushing it downstream and out of sight.

Continue to breathe deeply. When you are ready, open your eyes and welcome the new day as a freer, lighter person.

Practice daily to ensure that you are not carrying baggage you no longer need on your unique journey through life.

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Photograph by Vicky DeCoster, Sawtooth National Forest, July 2019

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

What Are You Doing to Embrace the Seasons of Life?

“Nature is never static. It is always changing. Everything is in a constant state of flux. Nothing endures. Everything is in the process of either coming into being or expiring.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster

As this year draws to a close, it provides an opportunity for reflection on where we have been on our journeys through life and where we would like to go from this point forward.

Within these quiet moments of reflection, we learn that every season of life holds its own magic, its own heartache, and its own joy. Just like the natural world around us, each season of life offers change, beauty, death, and rebirth. As the wheel of life spins around and around, it moves us into new seasons—even as we do our best to resist—ultimately forcing us to grow, adapt, and accept the realities associated with change. The good news is that each of these seasons brings us gifts, lessons, and experiences that we can carry forward into the future to transform ourselves into better parents, employees, leaders, friends, siblings, or mentors.

When we step away from the busyness of life to think, we realize we are all explorers on a quest for answers as long as we remain here. In Little Gidding, a poem by T. S. Eliot, he teaches us that “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time.” When viewing ourselves as explorers, we invite ourselves to stop resisting and instead ride the waves of change throughout each season of life while expressing gratitude for the past and the wisdom we have gained from both our failures and successes.

No season is easy. Each holds its unique challenges and joys. During one season, we may grieve the loss of someone we loved more than we ever imagined possible. During an alternative season, we may find our soul mate and begin a new life together. Within another season, we may land a dream job that propels us onto a new and exciting career path or pack up our belongings and start again in a different city or country. Another season may bring the gift of a new addition to the family, a dream vacation, or the opportunity to give back or pay it forward. No matter what experiences accompany each season, we will learn, love, and find a way to press on.

Every season in the cycle of life provides us with the chance to follow our hearts, align our goals with our purpose, and rediscover who we really are deep inside (not who others want us to be). As the leaves drop off the trees and the geese fly south, snow covers the ground, the birds begin singing again, and beautiful flowers dot the landscape, we all transform as we endure heartache, laugh heartily, love fiercely, bravely overcome our fears, and take plunges into the unknown.

As this holiday season draws to a close, I hope that you will embrace this time and practice gratitude for the gifts, blessings, and wisdom you will now take with you as you move forward into the next season.

Be well, be happy, and most importantly, be you.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Three Steps to Successfully Move Toward a Calling

The findings from a recent Gallup survey may not be a surprise to many of us: only 13% of employees worldwide are engaged in their jobs. It’s an eye-opening statistic that may prompt some of us to wonder whether we have all become robotic in our job duties, bored with the mundane, unappreciated by our superiors, or even more importantly, whether it is time to find our calling in life.

Stephen Hawking lived 55 years longer than expected after being diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease at age 21. It is well-known that Hawking loved creating scientific theories, solving complex problems, and teaching mathematics to enthusiastic students. He had truly found his calling. Could it be that pursuing our calling gives us a reason to wake up every day, even in the most challenging of circumstances? It’s an interesting theory that even Stephen Hawking might appreciate.

Finding a calling—a meaning for your life that fulfills a higher purpose—is probably the main request our persistent and sometimes loud inner voice makes on a regular basis. A calling or purpose is the one thing our souls, hearts, and minds regularly crave, and the one thing that keeps us going when all we want to do is give up. But finding a calling is not as easy as it sounds and often doesn’t happen as quickly as we’d like. It requires deep soul-searching, a roadmap for success, and an accountability partner who can help us identify a clear direction and then stay on track once we start a journey to achieve our dreams. So what can you do right now to successfully move toward your calling? Here are three steps that will get you on your way:

Step #1:

Transform your thinking and begin believing in yourself and your unique abilities.

Oftentimes, others believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. Breaking old thought patterns can be challenging. It requires consistent and positive self-talk that overrides negativity when it creeps in. When you notice the thoughts, gently say to yourself, “Stop, Look, and Listen.” Stop the thoughts. Look for the positive. Listen to your optimistic inner-voice. 

Step #2:

Remember that everything meaningful and important in life starts with three words: It is possible.

When you were a child, you may have thought you couldn’t ride a bike—until someone told you that you could. Now it’s up to you to tell yourself everything you need to know. Once you learn to replace the words, “I can’t do this,” with “It is possible,” you’ll be amazed at what you can do. Try it.

Step #3:

Embrace the fact that every sunrise offers the opportunity for a new beginning.

No matter what happened yesterday on your journey, today brings new opportunities, ideas, and adventures. You will never be able to move forward into the future if you are always looking behind you and admonishing yourself for the mistakes of your past. Embrace every second of right now. Breathe the air, watch the sunrise, and welcome the potential that every day brings.

Stephen Hawking defied seemingly insurmountable odds to leave an incredible mark on the world. He became a world-renowned theoretical physicist as well as a husband and father, despite his physical challenges. What do you think kept him going during the worst of times? His calling. Now go find yours.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients, both local and nationwide, to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.