What Are You Doing to Pay It Forward?

A recent magazine article profiled a woman who, after turning eighty, decided to celebrate her birthday in a different way. Inspired by a friend who decades earlier gifted a mutual acquaintance with twenty-one roses on her twenty-first birthday, the woman began contemplating how she could pay it forward and help others—all while rejoicing in her long life. As she started to pull together a plan to hand-deliver eighty dollars to eighty friends and relatives, ask them to gift it to someone in need, and then send her a note to tell her about the experience, the woman had no idea of the positive impact her plan would have not just on the world, but also on her. As the notes detailing one amazing experience after another started to fill her mailbox, the woman soon realized that even the smallest of gestures have the power to spread monumental joy. Her most important takeaway lesson was that in her efforts to help and lift others, her life was forever changed as well.

We all know that life is not easy. It is full of just as much heartache as joy and just as many challenges as effortless tasks. When we are able to detach from the unhelpful practice of comparing ourselves to others, we also know deep inside that none of us are better than anyone else. We are all here to love, learn, struggle, and celebrate. No matter how much money we have in our bank accounts, we are all exiting this life the same way. Wherever we reside in the world, we are more alike than we imagine.

Every morning when we awaken to begin a new day, we are presented with the opportunity to transform the world around us with kindness. Paying it forward doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. It can be as simple as buying a cup of coffee for a friend or stranger, inviting a widowed neighbor to dinner, offering a genuine hug to someone who is suffering, taking in the neighbor’s trash can on a windy day, writing a thank-you note to a friend or co-worker who picked up the lunch tab, whispering encouragement to a young adult struggling to find himself or herself, or apologizing to someone for being impatient, rude, or angry during a time when portraying a calm presence would have been a better choice.

In paying it forward, we are not only reminding others of the importance of kind gestures, but also ourselves. While it is easy to become caught up in the busyness of life, it is also just as easy to slow down, take a look around, and realize that someone needs you right now. That someone may be a stranger, a client, your company’s CEO, or someone you love more than anything.

To transform your thinking toward paying it forward as often as possible, remember the three words you learned when crossing the street for the first time: Stop. Look. Listen. Someone needs hope. Someone needs encouragement. Someone needs love. Someone needs to know that in the midst of navigating this often-challenging life, there is light.

In the act of gifting someone with a tiny moment of joy in this imperfect existence we call life, you give yourself the greatest gift of all: the knowledge that we are all in this together.

Make a difference.

“A purposeful act or extension of kindness to another is never wasted, for it always resides in the hearts of all involved in a chain of love.”

―Molly Friedenfeld

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

When It’s Time to Reevaluate Your Inner Circle

Who is in Your Inner Circle?

Although we do our best every day to surround ourselves with a great group of supporters, sometimes events or situations occur that can prompt disappointment or frustration with those in our inner circle. When these feelings become consistent and hard to ignore, it is most likely a good time to reevaluate the relationship and what you are receiving from it. While none of us are perfect, sometimes there are red flags that we may choose to ignore out of fear of being alone, a belief that a person will change to please us, or the hope that one day, the person will make as much time for us as we make for them.

So, what are some powerful questions to ask yourself while reflecting on your current relationships?

1.     Am I getting what I want and/or need from this friendship/relationship on a regular basis?

2.     Is this person an energy zapper or an energy producer?

3.     Does this person have my back?

4.     Is this person honest with me?

5.     Does this relationship offer a safe place for me to be myself and for the other person to do the same?

6.     Do I feel better about myself after spending time with this person?

7.     Do I feel accepted for who I am, even when I’m having a bad day?

8.     Do our conversations feel natural, and do I feel heard in all situations and at all times without judgment?

9.     Can I trust this person with my secrets and to not talk behind my back?

10.  Does this person treat me with kindness and respect in all situations?

If, while asking yourself these important questions, you realize that the relationship is not as meaningful as you would like, it’s always a good idea to compassionately communicate your concerns to the other party and give them a chance to respond and address the issues before making any decisions. In the end, it is up to us to protect ourselves from unhealthy or toxic relationships and surround ourselves with a good support system that boosts us to confidently move forward in life knowing we are unconditionally loved and accepted.

No matter how hard we try to avoid ending relationships that don’t work for us anymore, it is always a good idea to step back, ponder all interactions, and then if necessary, accept that if it is time to move in a different and separate direction, it will be a good decision for you. After all, it is not until we walk away from relationships that do not serve us anymore that we can become open to receiving new relationships that do.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Three Steps to Successfully Move Toward a Calling

The findings from a recent Gallup survey may not be a surprise to many of us: only 13% of employees worldwide are engaged in their jobs. It’s an eye-opening statistic that may prompt some of us to wonder whether we have all become robotic in our job duties, bored with the mundane, unappreciated by our superiors, or even more importantly, whether it is time to find our calling in life.

Stephen Hawking lived 55 years longer than expected after being diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease at age 21. It is well-known that Hawking loved creating scientific theories, solving complex problems, and teaching mathematics to enthusiastic students. He had truly found his calling. Could it be that pursuing our calling gives us a reason to wake up every day, even in the most challenging of circumstances? It’s an interesting theory that even Stephen Hawking might appreciate.

Finding a calling—a meaning for your life that fulfills a higher purpose—is probably the main request our persistent and sometimes loud inner voice makes on a regular basis. A calling or purpose is the one thing our souls, hearts, and minds regularly crave, and the one thing that keeps us going when all we want to do is give up. But finding a calling is not as easy as it sounds and often doesn’t happen as quickly as we’d like. It requires deep soul-searching, a roadmap for success, and an accountability partner who can help us identify a clear direction and then stay on track once we start a journey to achieve our dreams. So what can you do right now to successfully move toward your calling? Here are three steps that will get you on your way:

Step #1:

Transform your thinking and begin believing in yourself and your unique abilities.

Oftentimes, others believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. Breaking old thought patterns can be challenging. It requires consistent and positive self-talk that overrides negativity when it creeps in. When you notice the thoughts, gently say to yourself, “Stop, Look, and Listen.” Stop the thoughts. Look for the positive. Listen to your optimistic inner-voice. 

Step #2:

Remember that everything meaningful and important in life starts with three words: It is possible.

When you were a child, you may have thought you couldn’t ride a bike—until someone told you that you could. Now it’s up to you to tell yourself everything you need to know. Once you learn to replace the words, “I can’t do this,” with “It is possible,” you’ll be amazed at what you can do. Try it.

Step #3:

Embrace the fact that every sunrise offers the opportunity for a new beginning.

No matter what happened yesterday on your journey, today brings new opportunities, ideas, and adventures. You will never be able to move forward into the future if you are always looking behind you and admonishing yourself for the mistakes of your past. Embrace every second of right now. Breathe the air, watch the sunrise, and welcome the potential that every day brings.

Stephen Hawking defied seemingly insurmountable odds to leave an incredible mark on the world. He became a world-renowned theoretical physicist as well as a husband and father, despite his physical challenges. What do you think kept him going during the worst of times? His calling. Now go find yours.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients, both local and nationwide, to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Who Inspires You Every Day?

Sometimes in life, the simplest everyday acts are what inspire us the most.

He has no idea he inspires me. The neighbor who lives four doors up the hill from me has special challenges. Every morning for the past twenty years, he has diligently laced his sneakers, bundled up if it’s freezing, and headed out his door for exercise. He is disciplined, determined, and reliable. No matter what the weather, he perseveres.

My office window faces the sidewalk. Sometimes I happen to look up while he’s on the last stretch of his outdoor exercise session. All these years, I have been stopping whatever I am doing and quietly observing him as he heads home. You see, our houses are situated on top of a giant hill—a hill that I have been trying to tackle at the end of my run for the last twenty years—and the same hill that he has conquered every day on his own without a coach, parent, or personal trainer to cheer him on.

His journey to the top of the hill is not easy every day. As the years have progressed, his gait has slowed to a slow and steady pace. Although he leans to one side now, he trudges up the hill with a quiet determination while keeping his focus on his goal of reaching the top of the hill, no matter what it takes. His daily struggle is mesmerizing and always prompts me to reflect on his perseverance despite his challenges and then determine a way I can utilize this inspiration to motivate myself to achieve what I want for my own life, not just that day but every day.

Inspiration is all around us. All we have to do is be aware. Inspiration comes from the child who is overjoyed after solving a math problem without help from the teacher. Inspiration comes from the mother who juggles complicated tasks at work and then comes home to simultaneously care for her aging parents and young children. Inspiration comes from Paralympic athletes who prove over and over again that great things can be achieved despite physical obstacles. Inspiration comes from a senior citizen who has found her purpose in serving others during her final act in life. Inspiration comes from the bus driver who makes a point of smiling at all his passengers as they enter his bus, the server who makes a special point of complimenting all her guests, the CEO who heads a fundraiser for an employee facing hard times, or the ordinary man who, without thinking, runs into a burning building to save those inside from certain death.

My neighbor will probably never know the influence he has had on how I view life. Since I first began observing him from my office window, we have both sprouted a few more gray hairs and learned new things, all while managing to keep ourselves upright and breathing. We have much more in common than not. Through it all, he has taught me that no matter what our challenges, we all have the power to look deep within for the strength to trudge up the hill to reach our goals and pursue the life we were meant to have.

Today, look for the inspiration. I promise it is there, all around you, just waiting to lead you in the right direction.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients both in Omaha and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Living Their Passion, Dean and Jayne Bredlau

Dean and Jayne Bredlau

When Dean Bredlau and Jayne Watts first met in 2014, they focused on growing their relationship with each other and God, not plants. It was not until after they married in September 2015 and settled in Zumbrota, Minnesota, that they noticed their conversations frequently turned to farming. The summer of 2016, Dean took a leap of faith and planted a garden in sandy, hard, and weedy soil on a friend’s farm. Despite having little to show for his efforts other than a few less-than-flavorful vegetables, Dean was enthused about doing more.

Soon, Jayne and Dean began researching and watching “dirty” movies on YouTube on composting, organic growing, soil composition, planting and watering methods, seeds, and seed growing. After several months of experimentation growing microgreens indoors, their urban farm-to-table grower business, My Sweet Greens MN, was born. Jayne, who held a variety of roles at a local newspaper and within a large hotel portfolio, had some flower gardening experience. Dean, who is a QA Technician by day, was equally as inexperienced at growing vegetables. But as they combined his passion for farming with her keen interest in marketing and promotions, their idea began to sprout into a business with strong roots.

While maintaining their full-time jobs, the Bredlaus focused on moving their business forward. Jayne began bringing samples of what would become their two signature blends to the executive chef at her employer for input. One day after asking if they were ready to sell their microgreens, he became their first customer. In August 2018, Jayne resigned from her job to focus on the business full-time.

Microgreens are small vegetable shoots that are grown for eight days in one inch of potting soil and vermiculite. After the shoots are harvested by cutting, the roots and seeds are left in the soil which is repurposed to their market gardens. In comparison, baby leafy greens are grown in soil in the ground for approximately 21 days and are cut from the plant for consumption. The Bredlaus package the microgreens for sale in two-ounce clam shell boxes for retail sales in stores and farmers markets, and also to sell in bulk to restaurants. Customers add microgreens that include sweet pea and sunflower shoots, arugula, broccoli, kale, and cabbage to salads, sandwiches, smoothies, soups, stir-fries, and much more.

Today, their business is bustling. With assistance from two part-time independent vendors and occasionally their children, the Bredlaus package approximately 150 pounds of microgreens per month. In addition to supplying 10 retail stores (including Hy-Vee stores, a local grocery store, three Co-ops, and a handful of restaurants) with their five core microgreen products, the Bredlaus also vend at area summer and winter farmers markets.

Jayne says that running a niche produce business comes with its challenges. In the past three years, she has learned to listen to customers, rely on her grit, network with peers, and most importantly, to never give up. Dean, who has never met a stranger, focuses on utilizing his background in farming and quality assurance in food product manufacturing to extend their outreach into the community and beyond. It is their passion to educate all customers about the benefits of incorporating microgreens into a daily diet. The future looks bright for My Sweet Greens MN, despite the recent news that they will have to change the name of their business by the end of 2020 due to trademark issues.

For anyone contemplating pursuing their passion, Jayne advises they should clearly define the purpose and vision for their dream, and then determine what resources will be needed and who will be impacted and how. Finally, Jayne advises to step in faith, calculate the risk, and evaluate the dream with realistic criteria. Today, Jayne believes that what she does matters—something she could not do even a year ago.

Jayne says that she has always lived to be the best she could be for the people in her life, for her employers, and for the responsibilities she bears in life. Now she is living by the motto, you only live once. “It’s time to chase my dream—to live my passion. I believe each person gets this chance, probably once in life. Take it. Jump. The net will be there. You’ll learn to bounce back, stand up, and trust in what’s truly important.”

Abraham Lincoln said it best. “The greatest fine art of the future will be the making of a comfortable living from a small piece of land.” The Bredlaus are well on their way to living that profound truth every day.

For more about My Sweet Greens MN, visit their web site at https://www.mysweetgreensmn.com/ or find them on Instagram @mysweetgreens__mn and Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/mysweetgreensmn/.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Living Her Passion – Candy Zollicoffer

Candy Zollicoffer

While growing up in Brewton, Alabama, Candy Zollicoffer first learned to serve others from her grandmother. Grandma Lenestine served in her church, in her community, and often hosted others in need in her home. Candy remembers that her grandmother and other female matriarchs in her family were always ready to take a phone call, pray for others, and share what they had (even if it was their last). “The value of serving others is something I have carried with me throughout my life,” says Candy. “You don’t have to be wealthy to serve without expectations.”

As the oldest of five, Candy’s childhood was challenging. She and her family moved to Omaha, Nebraska, during the summer of her fifteenth birthday. The transition was hard on Candy as she had to adapt from a high school of just a few hundred to two thousand students while experiencing a trauma that summer that temporarily silenced her voice and ability to find joy. Thankfully, Candy eventually found her tribe and graduated from high school. From there, she attended the University of Nebraska-Lincoln on a scholarship where she majored in biochemistry. After switching her major and campus location, Candy graduated from the University of Nebraska Omaha in 2006 with a bachelor’s degree in Nonprofit Administration. Since then, she has continued to develop her skills through different programs offered by UNO and The Nonprofit Association of the Midlands.

After stints at several nonprofits and a church, Candy ultimately landed a role as Development Assistant at Abide, a local nonprofit that has been investing in and revitalizing the neighbors and neighborhoods of North Omaha for over thirty years. Today she works as the Partnership Coordinator tasked with connecting with businesses and churches interested in revitalizing the community. She not only engages employees and church members with service projects, but also raises funds for Abide’s programs and projects.

Candy says the most gratifying thing about her work is the opportunity to connect people with opportunities that positively impact her community. She also enjoys helping people change the narrative they hear or tell themselves about North Omaha. “The most important thing everyone in Omaha needs to know about the inner-city is that it is a rich community filled with incredible leaders who are using their gifts to impact the community and city overall. We are proud of our community and love doing life together!” she adds.

Candy with members of Westwood Church and two Abide Lighthouse Leaders after handing out 50 Valentine’s Day boxes for the Love in the Neighborhood campaign.

Today Candy describes her life as purposeful. The best piece of advice she ever received related to pursuing her passion in life was to acknowledge the things that break her heart because it is those things that ultimately empower her to take purposeful action to make life-changing impact every day. Candy says that although she has gained much from pursuing her passion, it is gaining her voice back that makes her most proud. “I am passionate about empowering people to speak their truth, especially women and youth. For so long, I allowed myself to be silenced so that others would be more comfortable. Today I am speaking my truth so that I may bring hope and healing to those who are ready to listen.”

Candy advises those wanting to pursue more gratifying work to talk to people who know you well and are willing to be honest with you. She credits her husband, Wes, her best friend, Jennifer, her father, her supervisor, and the entire team at Abide for affirming her endeavors. “These relationships are rooted in honesty, transparency, and love,” Candy states. “I can share anything with them without fear that the relationship will suffer. They see me, listen to me, and are able to speak life into me. When they share what I cannot see, I feel empowered to make clear decisions that change the trajectory of my life for the better.”

John Bunyan once said, “You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” Every day, Candy Zollicoffer makes it her mission to fulfill that quote. Yet in hearing her story, it soon becomes evident that in exuberantly serving her community, Candy’s community has given back to her in so many ways, making her rich in life experiences and joy beyond her wildest dreams.

For more about Abide, its mission, and how you can help, visit https://www.abideomaha.org/.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Living Her Passion – Allison Borji

Allison Borji has always considered herself a “creative.” Despite a challenging childhood that sadly included the traumatic loss of her father to suicide when she was just five and her own battle with severe depression, Allison always had a pen in hand and, as a self-professed hopeless romantic, loved writing poetry. After graduating magna cum laude from college with a degree in history, marrying her college sweetheart, and moving around the country as a military spouse, Allison began searching for a hobby that would help her become more reliant on herself and her abilities as she stepped outside her comfort zone.

By researching various types of art techniques and materials that appealed to her, Allison discovered she had a knack for combining colors to create beautiful artwork. As she began painting on a regular basis, Allison quickly realized the therapeutic benefits of creating art. The way the paint swirled and the ink spread on the canvas helped take her mind to a quiet place. After thoroughly studying a variety of mediums, Allison finally settled on fluid acrylic, watercolors, and alcohol inks.

When she begins painting, Allison rarely has a vision in mind of what she wants to create. Instead, she chooses a color palette that reflects her mood or the seasons and guides her to start the process creating abstract art. After reminding herself to let go of control, Allison lets her medium do the deciding. “That helps take the stress out of deciding what to paint,” she adds. Once she creates a piece, she lets it sit overnight and comes back to it after a day or two. Allison finds that extremely useful in helping her create art pieces that she loves. After about a week of assessing the piece, she adds varnish to ensure its longevity and vibrancy. Because of a harsh inner-critic she is always attempting to tame, Allison generally places one out of five pieces on her Etsy site to sell.

An Allison Borji original

When Allison decided to open a shop on Etsy, she received heartfelt advice to “just do it.” Additionally, she was encouraged to take things at her own pace. “I knew if I opened a shop, I would feel pressure to consistently create more art. I have to remind myself daily that I am doing this because I love it, not because I have to,” says Allison. When a customer purchases a piece because they are going through the same emotional challenges as Allison, she is thrilled that her art is supporting their healing process. Her challenges have included learning how to photograph her art and size it properly to fit Etsy’s standards. “The way I see colors and the sheen on a canvas can greatly affect the photo,” Allison states. Another challenge she has battled is turning down commission work. “Learning to say no to commissions is essential to maintaining my love for making art. Because my whole philosophy revolves around ‘therapy through art’, the pressure and deadlines that come with commission work takes away the love I have for the art process,” adds Allison.

Supported by her family, friends, co-workers, and most of all, her husband Omar, Allison has come to realize that it is a gift to have found a passion that helps heal her soul, bring her peace of mind, and help others realize they are not alone. Today, she is better at motivating herself to take risks, growing comfortable with her identity, and becoming bolder in her decision making. Although each year comes with its own set of obstacles, she is learning how to breathe through them, finding humor in many situations, and adapting easier to change. “I am comfortable calling myself a different person than I was ten years ago,” Allison says, “Creating art has provided me a haven and coping mechanism that allows me to reduce the stigma of mental illness while providing hope to anyone battling personal challenges.”

Allison advises anyone ready to pursue their passion to just do it and don’t look back. “Stay true to yourself. Go with your instincts. Life is fragile and short. We can often get too caught up in what we need to do. Find your passion and make time for it. Life is hard, embracing your passion will only help make it more enjoyable and fulfilling.”

Henri Matisse once said, “Creativity takes courage.” Every day that Allison Borji steps into her art studio and lets inspiration take control, she is proving to herself—and all her customers—that anything is possible if we just trust in the process and believe we can.

An Allison Borji original

To view and/or purchase Allison’s artwork, visit her shop “Ink & Bear It: Abstract Artworks by Allison Borji” at www.etsy.com/shop/inkandbearit.