The Top Ten Career Lessons

While navigating through decades of different professional roles over a lifetime, we can often feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and that a variety of outside factors are controlling our lives and career paths. Yet with experience comes valuable lessons that, if carried forward in a positive way, can make us feel empowered, fulfilled, and positive about the future.

Lesson 1: Watch for red flags (and trust them). During job interviews or while working in a role, we may see red flags that provide us with an uncomfortable feeling that something isn’t right for us. Unfortunately, we often push down this feeling and tell ourselves, “You can muddle through this,” or “That can’t be right,” or “I’ll just ignore it. It’s not a big deal.” Trust these red flags. They are life’s way of guiding you away from situations or people that do not align you with your best life.

Lesson 2: Rely on your intuition / gut feelings to guide your decisions. When facing a choice in life as to which direction to go, sit in a quiet room away from all distractions and influences from others and ask yourself, “What do I really want for myself here?” Then pay attention to the feeling in your gut while you are contemplating your options. If you feel excited about an option, that is your intuition telling you it’s right for you. If you feel dread, that is your intuition telling you to find a different way forward. Believe your intuition. It rarely lies.

Lesson 3: Know that you control your professional destiny. Don’t surrender your power over your career and professional destiny to someone else. While interviewing, be curious and know that you have the power to make a good decision for yourself. Before you walk in the door, know what will make you happy. Ask good questions and pay attention to the answers. While in a role, don’t ignore feelings that something is going on behind the scenes. If you sense there are big changes ahead, remember that you control whether you stay or go. Don’t wait for something to happen. Update your resume. Talk to a career coach. Begin networking. Always be looking for the next great opportunity.

Lesson 4: Seek professional chemistry. Interviewing is like dating. Just like when searching for a great life partner, you should be seeking great professional chemistry with a hiring manager. If it’s not there, it’s not there. Are you going to be happy if you don’t have a connection with your superior? Are you going to be happy if you can’t trust him or her? Will you be able to be honest and communicate effectively to accomplish great things together? Are you going to be fulfilled if your superior doesn’t have your back? Chemistry is important. Keep searching until you find it.

Lesson 5: Avoid settling. Confidence is an incredibly important factor in attaining professional success and accomplishing great things in life. Settling for less than you deserve will not help you or those you work with. Knowing what you want (before interviewing) and then making confident decisions will propel you forward into your best life. Great decisions do not ever come from a place of desperation. Don’t settle. You deserve better.

Lesson 6: Keep learning. Your education doesn’t stop when you earn a degree, a certificate, or a license. Be a lifelong student who embraces the idea that it’s never too late to refine a skill or learn a new concept. Learn from those around you. Everyone has something to teach. Everyone has something to learn.

Lesson 7: Step outside your comfort zone. Life begins outside the comfort zone. Take it one day at a time. Every day, do something (it doesn’t have to be a big thing) that makes you feel a little uncomfortable. These experiences provide the best lessons. Live without regret. Be open to new adventures. Recognize your fears and then take one baby step every day toward addressing those fears.

Lesson 8: Empower others to be the best versions of themselves. You are not just here on Earth for yourself. You are here for others as well. You probably remember one piece of advice or words of encouragement that you received long ago that changed everything for you. Be that person for someone else. Tell them how proud you are of them. Tell them when they do a good job. Support them through a challenge. When you empower others to be the best versions of themselves, you also become the best version of yourself.

Lesson 9: Be honest with yourself about what you want / need. You are the expert of your own life. Not your parents, your friends, your co-workers, or your boss. Make a list of professional wants and needs. Hang it where you can see it every day. Work toward checking off every item on the list. The more wants and needs you can fulfill, the happier you will be.

Lesson 10: Listen to understand, not reply. Actively listening is a skill you should be refining your entire life. You owe it to yourself and those around you to pay attention. If you have trouble focusing during a conversation, take notes. Circle things that you want to address once the person is done talking. Be in the present moment. Listening intently is a form of kindness. Be kind and respectful by taking the time to really listen.

Your career is yours and yours alone. Don’t sacrifice your happiness. Take time to make good decisions for yourself, keep learning, listen to the red flags and your gut, and listen to and respect those around you. Then teach what you have learned to empower others to believe in themselves, their unique professional paths, and all they have to offer the world.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Create (and Stick to) a Morning Routine in Four Easy Steps

We all have days when we wake up and think that lying in bed sounds like a much better idea than getting up and facing the day. But when you have a reason to put your feet on the floor (besides work or feeding the dog or kids), it makes life seem less mundane and more purposeful.

So, what kind of regular routine might give you a good reason to get out of bed in the morning?

First, focus on yourself only. This is a tough one, but necessary. You have the absolute right to tune out the rest of the world for a few minutes every day. We are all needed by others in some capacity every day, but you also need to connect to your true self on a regular basis in order to maintain your physical and mental health.

Keeping in mind that the focus is inward (thinking of my own pleasure), not outward (attempting to please others), now determine what routine you can easily implement into every morning that places you at the top of the list before everyone else in your life.

Step One: Identify a simple activity that you enjoy the most in life. Is it journaling? Meditating? Praying? Stretching / yoga? Making specialty coffee? Painting? Watching the sunrise? Taking a walk or running? Riding a bike? Reading?

Whatever it is that makes you feel most happy, fulfilled, and at peace, do that first before anything else.

Note: If you must get out of bed earlier to make it happen, the activity has to bring you enough personal fulfillment or pleasure to make it worth it in your mind.

Step Two: Schedule the activity or activities on your phone calendar. The amount of time you spend on the activity is up to you, and doesn’t have to be lengthy. For example:

Meditate (6:00 a.m. to 6:15 a.m.)

or

Stretch (6:15 a.m. to 6:25 a.m.)

or

Journal (6:45 a.m. to 7:00 a.m.)

When your phone reminds you of the activity, take action. It may be challenging at first. Your mind will naturally resist. Change your mindset from (I’m too needed by others to do this) to (I need this time for myself), and get started.

Step Three: Pledge to complete this activity or activities for five out of seven days for the first week. Be disciplined. This is for you and you only. Many people struggle with the concept of putting themselves first, but if you don’t, you may not be presenting your best self to the world.

Step Four: Assess how you feel after a week. Did you want to get out of bed more than usual because you planned the activity every morning? More importantly, did the activity make you feel good? Was it easy to implement? If not, adjust. Try again the next week. Keep trying until it feels natural to think of yourself first.

It’s not selfish to create a daily morning routine that makes you feel good about yourself and the reason why you are here first, before anything else. Give yourself permission to start right now.

You are worth it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Your Truth Lies in Your Dreams

Xia Boyu was in his twenties when he first climbed Mount Everest in 1975. Just before reaching the peak, he and his team became trapped at the summit for two days and three nights due to bad weather. After using all their resources, they were forced to retreat without achieving their dream. While on their descent, Boyu gave his sleeping bag to a teammate who lost his own. As a result, Boyu lost both feet to frostbite and soon transformed into a double-amputee.

Some may have given up their dream at that point, and lived out the remainder of their years ruminating about the failed attempt. But not Boyu. When he ultimately received the gift of prosthetic legs, his purpose was renewed. Despite an eventual battle with cancer and other seemingly insurmountable setbacks, he worked diligently for the next forty-three years toward his goal of summiting Everest again. He tried in 2014, only to abandon the climb after an avalanche struck and killed 16 people. In 2015, an earthquake in Nepal stopped his attempt. In 2017, he tried again without success. Through it all, Boyu never gave up.

On May 14, 2018, at the age of 69, he finally reached the summit on his fifth try, becoming only the second double-amputee to do so. Since then, he has received a Laureus World Sports Award, served as a torchbearer at the Beijing Paralympics, and become an inspiration to not just those with disabilities, but to others around the world who look to him as an example of perseverance, positivity, and what it looks like to live fully and without regret.

While your goal may not be to summit Mount Everest, it is equally as important to persevere through your challenges, setbacks, and fears, just as Boyu did, to fulfill the dreams you imagine for yourself. For over four decades, Boyu picked himself up again after every attempt and continued to press forward. He never surrendered.

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” –Pema Chödrön

Your truth lies in your dreams. Bravely walk into the unknown, face your fears, and don’t give up when your path becomes lined with obstacles. Your hurdles are what make you stronger and more determined than ever to be all you can be.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Where Does Happiness Come From?

In Tanzania, the power often goes out during a rainstorm. On a recent occasion, a group of small children applauded instead of complaining about the darkness. When an adult asked them why they were so happy to be in the dark, they replied, “Now we can sit around a candle and talk about our days.” Later, the children decided to also seize the moment to dance and sing. 

Even at such a young age, these children have already grasped that happiness comes from recognizing each moment—even the inconvenient or challenging ones—as an opportunity to find joy and learn. 

Happiness comes from the moments when we are able to find joy in the little gifts that life places in front of us. It is about changing our perspective. It is about practicing gratitude for the teachable experiences that provide a valuable lesson for us to take forward in a positive way. 

Instead of lamenting about how difficult life can be at times, we choose to identify the blessings and then readjust our mindset by asking ourselves, “What do I need to do differently in this moment to feel gratitude instead of resentment?” 

Life is challenging, unpredictable, and full of change. Happiness can sometimes be elusive. Even so, it is important to remember that we have more control over how we react and feel about our experiences than we think. 

Change your perspective and invite happiness in to celebrate every teachable moment with you. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Being Okay with Being Yourself

Most of us probably have felt like we didn’t belong at some point during our lifetime. Whether this event occurs on the playground, at work, or at a party, it can leave us with an unsettling feeling that, whether we realize it or not, often prompts us to question our characteristics, values, and personality traits and then wonder, “Why am I not good enough?” or “What’s wrong with me?”  

Truth be known, research studies have proven that humans are instinctively programmed with a desire to fit in, and will sometimes even alter their behavior in minor ways to do so. We all want to be unconditionally accepted for who we are, and it is our fear of rejection that often drives our need to belong. Yet, sometimes our quest to be accepted is not healthy, especially when that desire causes us to overhaul our entire personalities and become someone we’re not.  

 It can be exhausting to be a fake version of ourselves. 

If you are feeling the need to undergo a major transformation every day to fit into a certain environment, it may be time for you to evaluate whether you are presenting your true self to the world. Here are a few introspective questions that can lead you through the self-evaluation process:  

1. Who is my support group, and do they have my back at all times?

2. Is there anyone toxic in my support group who does not want the best for me?

3. Do I need to create boundaries to eliminate toxic influences?

4. Do I feel like I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole when I am at work?

5. Is there another professional role for me that would be a better fit or is it the culture?

6. If the answer is “no” to the above two questions, what would I like to be doing instead or what kind of culture would better fit my personality and core values?

7. What is my best characteristic?

8. Am I proudly presenting that characteristic to the world every day or am I trying to push it down and being someone I’m not?

9. Who am I really? (List all your characteristics and then circle how many you are currently exhibiting to the world on a daily basis.)

10. What is one thing I can do today that will lead me down a better path to being my true self, everywhere and all the time?

Think of it this way. Chemistry is important in every relationship and in nearly all situation in life. When we feel the right chemistry either with those around us or in any environment, we feel accepted, appreciated, and encouraged to be ourselves. No one can really explain chemistry. It’s a feeling. A nudge. A flutter in the gut. It’s either there or it’s not. Pay attention to the chemistry in your relationships and environments. If it’s not evident, move on. 

In the future, if you find you’re acting like someone you’re not the majority of the time, then ask yourself this powerful question:  

 Is this my ideal life, or am I living someone else’s? 

Then begin the self-evaluation process. It’s an insightful and extremely important step to ensuring you are being your authentic and unique self, always and forever. It’s really about accepting yourself and all your special qualities, isn’t it? There’s no one else exactly like you. Be yourself, love who you are, and you’ll be a magnet that attracts your best life. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Mindfulness Practice - Making Decisions without Becoming Overwhelmed

The thought of making difficult decisions can be overwhelming at times. Because of this, we often become stuck at a crossroads, unable to move forward in life. Guided by our fears of making the wrong decision, we stay in a place where we may not feel fulfilled or content.

The trick to successfully navigating through your thoughts to make the best decision for you is learning to utilize the three voices in life: the head, the heart, and the gut. Each has an important purpose in the decision-making process:

The head creates rules that include core beliefs, expectations, and an objective review of what is possible and not possible.

The heart holds our true desires.

The gut gives us permission to follow what’s in our heart.

Today, think of something positive or good that you would like to see more of in your life. Perhaps you want to live closer to nature. Maybe you want deeper relationships or a more fulfilling job. Close your eyes and place yourself in that picture. See it. Feel it. Invite this experience inside of you.

Now, focus in and listen to what your head is telling you about this experience. Often, your head tells you what you should do. Leave that thought for now.

Next, listen to what your heart is telling you. This will most likely be very different from what your head is telling you. These are your true desires. Step back from these thoughts and leave them there.

Finally, go a little deeper and listen to your gut. Our gut instinct is what we already know deep inside. This is our validator. What is it saying about your decision and desire to pursue this thing you really want more of in your life? Stay there for a few moments. Really listen.

Open your eyes. You should now have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

As you become aware of these three voices and the important part each plays in the decision-making process, bringing them all together as one cohesive voice will help you mindfully contemplate your options, confidently make decisions, and then take small action steps every day that move you in a more positive direction.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

When the Worst Case Scenario Turns Out to be the Best Case Scenario

Gohei Nishikawa first took up the piano when he was a teenager living in Osaka, Japan. After nurturing dreams of playing professionally, he eventually gave up his aspirations when he couldn’t seem to break into the competitive field. But one day while filling in for another pianist during a recital, Nishikawa was discovered as a promising new talent. Shortly after moving to New York to study under American pianist, David Bradshaw, Nishikawa performed his first solo concert without any idea of the challenges that would lie ahead for him in the next year.

A few months later, Nishikawa noticed his hands becoming unusually stiff and ultimately received devastating news. He had focal dystonia, a chronic condition that causes muscles to involuntarily tighten. With limited use of his hands, it seemed his dream of playing professionally had died once again. Nishikawa, desperate and depressed for relief, attempted suicide.

After eventually coming to accept his situation, Nishikawa found work in a preschool and attempted to move on with his life. But when he was asked by the principal to play a song for the children in the classroom, everything suddenly changed for Nishikawa when he sat down at the piano after a long absence and realized the children only loved the music, not how his hands looked or the way his fingers operated. It was then that he began creating his own way to play, despite his physical challenges. Eight years after his diagnosis, Nishikawa officially made his professional debut. In eight more years, he played in the main hall at Carnegie Hall.

Today, Nishikawa performs around the world, demonstrating to his audience that many things are possible with perseverance and ingenuity. He is grateful for his physical challenge because it has helped him appreciate the smallest gifts in life. The words he lives by every day are, “The worst case scenario can turn out to be the best case scenario.”

In this mindfulness practice, think about a time in your life when the worst case scenario may have led you to a best case scenario you could never have imagined in your wildest dreams. Perhaps you endured an agonizing breakup, only to find the love of your life a few months later. Maybe you lost your job, only to find a much better role at a growing company. Perhaps you received a disheartening health diagnosis, only to find a devoted new friend in a support group.

Now as you continue to reflect, ask yourself, “What did I learn during this time? How have I changed for the better because of that experience? What am I more grateful for now than I was before?” It is important to recognize these valuable lessons as gifts, just as Nishikawa did.

Gohei Nishikawa nearly gave up during his darkest days. He openly shares his story today with the hope that he is an inspiration to others enduring their own darkness. While letting his stiff fingers seemingly dance across the keys in front of global audiences, he transformed into a perfect example of what can happen when we believe in ourselves and our ability to persevere and implement creative solutions, even while enduring a worst case scenario. 

To listen to Gohei Nishikawa’s performance at the United Nation’s 70th anniversary concert in 2019, click here: https://youtu.be/Erxpc6Doins

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice – Loving Yourself First

As Valentine’s Day quickly approaches in a year when celebrations are looked upon differently, some of us may sigh in annoyance at this love-focused holiday while others may look forward to celebrating with flowers, candy, or a romantic dinner.

While it is of value to celebrate our relationships with others and let them know how much we appreciate them, it is even more important to place ourselves at the top of the list of those we love. Unfortunately, we often berate ourselves silently, telling ourselves that we are not deserving of happiness, that we are stupid, that we lack talent, or that we don’t have the capacity to make good decisions. Yet there is one all-knowing truth that we should remember, no matter what our challenges are while living in a world that often feels out of control. That truth is this:

We have complete control over our thoughts and actions.

With this truth in mind, today’s mindfulness practice is focused on providing an exercise that will help you incorporate some behaviors and thoughts that remind you that it is you who is in control.

Stand in front of a mirror with a paper and pen near you. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Now open your eyes again and view yourself like a friend would.

What do you see that is good?

Now write down your positive observations (i.e., “I see a person who has endured many struggles and has come out stronger as a result” or “I see a woman who has somehow managed to muster the motivation to lose 10 pounds, despite living in quarantine for months”).

Next, write down what you love about yourself (i.e., I love my strong arms or I love my heart or I love my intellect).

Now, draw a circle and write “I Am” inside.

Outside of the circle, write the positive words that best describe you (one word descriptions only) (i.e., strong, determined, generous, caring, free-spirited, loving). Keep writing until you have fully described yourself. Draw an arrow from the circle to each word.

Once you have identified all your positive attributes, hang the paper on your mirror. Read it every morning and evening. Celebrate all you have been, all you are today, and all you will be in the future.

We are what we tell ourselves. This practice reminds us how special we are and, most importantly, how deserving we are of life’s greatest gift: unconditional love.

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.” ―Steve Maraboli

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - All It Takes Is One

When life propels us down a challenging path, it can sometimes feel like there are only dark days ahead. Yet if we stop to reflect on monumental moments in our past when just one thing changed our lives for the better, we can replace that negative inner chatter with hope for a new chapter.

Take this time to think about what moments in your past transformed the trajectory of your path in life. Perhaps it was an email from an employer with a job offer. Maybe a former colleague connected you with a mentor that helped you finally turn your side hustle into a full-time business. Perhaps a friend offered a few words of encouragement that helped you believe in yourself and press forward to achieve your dreams.

Now think about all the times you were the one who helped someone else. Maybe you were the patient who allowed a medical professional in training to stick you for a second time when she was unsuccessful on the first try, helping her to believe in herself and her abilities. Perhaps you were the CEO who realized that offering a team flexible hours and better benefits would increase productivity and morale in the long run. Maybe you were the mom who encouraged her children to explore their interests so they could eventually find their passions. Perhaps you were the person who reached out with an email to support an unemployed friend who had lost hope.

No matter where you are right now and no matter where those surrounding you are right now in their journeys, there is always hope. As Emily Dickinson once said, “Hope is the thing with features that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.”

Remember this: all it takes is one. One phone call, one conversation, or one email to change the direction of your path or the path of someone else. This realization is what will always bring light into the darkest of days.

Believe. Act. Never give up.

“Be an Encourager: When you encourage others, you boost their self-esteem, enhance their self-confidence, make them work harder, lift their spirits and make them successful in their endeavors. Encouragement goes straight to the heart and is always available. Be an encourager. Always.” ―Roy T. Bennett

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice – Slowing Down to Enjoy Life’s Simple Gifts

One of life’s simple gifts captured by Vicky DeCoster while on a recent hike in the woods

In a world where chaos and busyness is often embraced and even celebrated, it can be difficult to jump off the hamster wheel of life and take a breath. Yet as difficult as it can be to execute at times, the practice of slowing down to enjoy the simple gifts that life brings on a daily basis is critical to maintaining our mental health, especially during challenging periods.

When was the last time you set an intention to really notice the world around you?

Welcome this opportunity to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Imagine yourself walking on a path in a forest. As you listen to the leaves crunching under your feet and the wind gently rustling the leaves of the trees, you decide not to just look at the path in front of you like you always do. Instead, you choose to begin observing the world through the wonderment of someone who has never seen it before.

What do you see when you open yourself to observe the simple gifts of life?

Perhaps it is the way the sunlight streams through the trees, or the laughter of someone behind you on the trail, or the way the air smells of evergreens. Perhaps it is the way you and your hiking companion can walk in companionable silence, or the sound of a rushing creek next to the path, or the feeling of being a small speck in a giant universe full of possibilities.

Now open your eyes and really look around you. What do you see now? There are simple gifts everywhere, just waiting for you to notice them. Choose one right now and then express gratitude for it.

These gifts are not just for you; they are for everyone. Pay it forward by pointing out a simple gift today to someone else. In doing so, you can help them take a breath and really see life. The domino effect from this practice has the potential to have amazing, lasting effects that have the power to change lives for the better.

Life can be good and life can be heartbreaking. Yet through all the ups and downs, it is possible to stop, take a breath, and notice every simple gift life gives you.

“If you will stay close to nature, to its simplicity, to the small things hardly noticeable, those things can unexpectedly become great and immeasurable.” ―Rainer Maria Rilke

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.