How to Stay Humble in an Imperfect World

During a recent television interview profiling the CEO of a global property restoration company, he not only talked about the success of the business he built from the ground up, but also about the one task he is devoted to completing daily.

Every morning, the CEO signs birthday cards for employees celebrating that day and, when possible, includes a personal note. He initially started the process when his team was comprised of just nineteen employees. Today, thousands work for him around the world. When asked why he takes the time to focus on this task when there are many other important issues for him to address each day, he stated that it is important to him to stay humble. It is very possible that this CEO has a loyal team behind him because his actions show that he genuinely cares about those who support him, not just himself and his accomplishments.

So, what does being humble mean exactly?

Having humility in your life and work means that you believe, no matter your title, bank account balance, or material possessions, that you are not better than those around you.

Being humble means:

• You understand the difference between confidence and arrogance.

• You set clear core values for yourself, base your daily actions on those values, and no matter the temptation to stray from those values, you stay true to your mission of being a positive influence on those around you.

• You take time to mentor others by first pointing out their unique talents and strengths, and then guiding them to find their passion and place in the world.

• You never forget those who have helped you along the way by checking in with them on a regular basis to determine if there is a way you can help them achieve greatness.

• You greet those who cross your path with genuine curiosity about how they really are, no matter their title, role, or wealth status.

• You have a willingness to always learn, and never believe you know it all about anything.

While navigating our way through an often competitive world and workplace, it can be tempting to boast about our achievements or focus only on ourselves as a way to stand out. But is that truly the best way to live?

Being humble is not a weakness. Instead, it is a strength that can serve as a trusted guide with a purpose of gently reminding you that life is more than material objects and professional accomplishments. Leading with humility is about being kind, focusing out instead of in, sharing recognition, and practicing gratitude for all the gifts life brings you every day.

“Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others.”

--Gordon B. Hinckley

 Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Three Ways to Transform into a Leader

Recently while on a bike ride on a path alongside a creek, I came upon two boys riding side-by-side. As a fork in the path loomed ahead, I overheard one of the boys say, “We’re lost. I don’t know which way to go.”

The other one glanced around to assess their options and then decisively replied, “Follow me. I know the way.” A few seconds later, they were on the right path.

Which one do you think is already a leader?

What makes one a leader and one a follower? How do some lead teams, their children, or athletes through the unknown and their fears to achieve great things while others wait on the sidelines for someone else to take charge?

True leaders either innately possess or learn to refine certain skills as they develop and grow, both personally and professionally. Below are three skills that you can begin polishing and utilizing today to become the kind of leader you’ve always admired:

1.     CONFIDENCE. This skill is often the most challenging to learn and put into practice. Confidence comes when we walk through our fear of failure to take that first step into the unknown. Confidence comes when we focus on lessons learned rather than mistakes or failures, and then adjust our behavior or thought processes to avoid making the same mistakes again.

Action step: An easy way to build confidence is to keep a weekly log of your accomplishments. Review it at the end of every week and then keep the logs in a file you can refer to when you need a little boost.

2.     SOLUTION-FOCUSED. Leaders point their compasses at solving problems, not creating them. Often, they see problems before they occur and begin developing solutions. While others are busy complaining and lamenting about how bad things are, leaders are busy collaborating and developing options that create a clear path forward.

Action step. The next time you identify a problem, begin contemplating action steps you can take to resolve the challenge and create a positive result, either for you or your family, team, or company. Document the steps and then determine what is in your control and whether you need help in implementing solutions. If so, recruit your team and then get to work. 

3.     MOTIVATIONAL. True leaders have the ability to motivate others to be the best they can be, even when delivering less-than-ideal news. By focusing on strengths, praising good work, and helping manage weaknesses, they provide the kind of encouragement that boosts confidence in everyone around them.

Action step. Make a point of recognizing achievements around you. Even small contributions can have big impacts or lasting positive implications. Focus your attention on others instead of yourself. Express gratitude and show appreciation. We can all learn from everyone, not just those at our same level. 

By implementing the action steps and focusing on refining the three skills listed above, you can transform into a true leader and a shining example for all who cross your path.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice – Slowing Down to Enjoy Life’s Simple Gifts

One of life’s simple gifts captured by Vicky DeCoster while on a recent hike in the woods

In a world where chaos and busyness is often embraced and even celebrated, it can be difficult to jump off the hamster wheel of life and take a breath. Yet as difficult as it can be to execute at times, the practice of slowing down to enjoy the simple gifts that life brings on a daily basis is critical to maintaining our mental health, especially during challenging periods.

When was the last time you set an intention to really notice the world around you?

Welcome this opportunity to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Imagine yourself walking on a path in a forest. As you listen to the leaves crunching under your feet and the wind gently rustling the leaves of the trees, you decide not to just look at the path in front of you like you always do. Instead, you choose to begin observing the world through the wonderment of someone who has never seen it before.

What do you see when you open yourself to observe the simple gifts of life?

Perhaps it is the way the sunlight streams through the trees, or the laughter of someone behind you on the trail, or the way the air smells of evergreens. Perhaps it is the way you and your hiking companion can walk in companionable silence, or the sound of a rushing creek next to the path, or the feeling of being a small speck in a giant universe full of possibilities.

Now open your eyes and really look around you. What do you see now? There are simple gifts everywhere, just waiting for you to notice them. Choose one right now and then express gratitude for it.

These gifts are not just for you; they are for everyone. Pay it forward by pointing out a simple gift today to someone else. In doing so, you can help them take a breath and really see life. The domino effect from this practice has the potential to have amazing, lasting effects that have the power to change lives for the better.

Life can be good and life can be heartbreaking. Yet through all the ups and downs, it is possible to stop, take a breath, and notice every simple gift life gives you.

“If you will stay close to nature, to its simplicity, to the small things hardly noticeable, those things can unexpectedly become great and immeasurable.” ―Rainer Maria Rilke

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - Letting Go

Imagine yourself standing on the bank of this beautiful mountain stream. Now close your eyes, listen to your heartbeat, and breathe deeply.

What do you need to let go of today that is no longer serving you?

Take this moment to contemplate what you can control in your life and what needs to be lifted off your shoulders. These burdens can be emotions such as anger or jealousy; an unnecessary need to be perfect; or worries about how others perceive you that hold you back from pursuing your dreams. Whatever your burdens are, decide which one is the heaviest. Now imagine yourself lifting that burden off your shoulders, placing it on a raft, bidding it farewell forever, and pushing it downstream and out of sight.

Continue to breathe deeply. When you are ready, open your eyes and welcome the new day as a freer, lighter person.

Practice daily to ensure that you are not carrying baggage you no longer need on your unique journey through life.

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Photograph by Vicky DeCoster, Sawtooth National Forest, July 2019

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Step into Someone Else’s Shoes

Our world is facing new challenges. As it has been since the beginning of time, we all have our own unique and passionate opinions, viewpoints, and objectives on how to best move humanity forward into the future. Unfortunately because of these differences in how we see the world and our obstacles, many of us find ourselves unable to see or understand the perspectives of others around us. It’s a tough place to be because in order to move forward, we must be able to objectively and collaboratively work together to find a way. Perhaps the first step is to imagine ourselves as another. But this is a skill that requires discipline and practice to execute. So how do we do that?

“Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.”

Native American proverb

In following this idea, I recently stumbled on information about a wonderful non-profit organization while thumbing through a magazine. Since TED speaker, advocate for the broken-hearted, and blogger Hannah Brencher founded moreloveletters.com in 2011, her helper writers have sent 250,000+ letters to recipients facing a variety of personal challenges in 50 states, 73+ countries, and 100+ campuses. I was immediately intrigued. After signing up, I soon received my first email that described the nominated recipients needing to be lifted up by strangers.

Jared is a young man whose father figure died at a young age. His stepfather was often cruel to him. His family was often homeless. Yet despite his challenges, he cared for his sister by brushing her hair, taking her to parks, and making her dinner. Now he is finishing trade school and doing his best to be a good father to his first child. But Jared, who doesn’t often appreciate his accomplishments, needed encouragement, said his sister in her plea for love letters.

Moments later, I sat at my kitchen table with a pen in hand. I closed my eyes and imagined myself standing in Jared’s shoes. What was he feeling? Why was he feeling that way? What had brought him to this place in his life? What could I do to help him find his way? As I began writing in a note card I found tucked away in the desk my grandmother left me when she died, I somehow felt connected to Jared, even though we had never met. Our backgrounds were different. Our obstacles weren’t the same throughout our lifetime. Our emotions were unique to each of us. Still, fate had somehow led us to each other in that moment.

Despite our differences, I could feel his pain. I could relate to his grief for all he had never experienced and lost. I could understand his challenges. I could help him realize that he’s stronger than he ever imagined. I could give him the gift of knowing that there is someone else out in the world who wanted him to become the best version of himself, perhaps more than he wanted it right in that moment. And so I wrote.

As I stepped out of his shoes, stuffed the card into an envelope, and sent it off into the mail to Jared, I was reminded that this—this moment of understanding and unconditional love for all humankind—is what we all need to have as our luggage as we travel forward into the unknown.

Taking a moment to walk in someone else’s shoes can be a useful tool in a business setting, with friends and family, and even during passionate conversations with strangers who may not believe the same things we do. When we listen with empathy to understand the challenges and viewpoints of others, it helps us open our hearts to the possibilities of what can be if we can work together for the betterment of humanity overall.

It’s that simple. Now go forth and spread your love, empathy, and appreciation for your fellow humans. Someone needs you to walk in their shoes right now.

To become a volunteer writer or to nominate a person in need of a love letter, visit moreloveletters.com.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Use Your Unique Gifts to Find Purpose

Everyone is born with an innate talent that makes them unique. Some people have the ability to be empathetic listeners. A few can listen to a song just once and then play it on the piano. Some can lead a company to achieve previously unimaginable success. Others can perform miracles in the operating room with tiny surgical instruments. Some have the talent for weaving a compelling tale that makes readers weep, laugh, or both. Truth be known, we are all gifted.

Imagine what would happen to the world if parents made it their mission to help their children identify their unique gifts and then find a way to utilize them to attain their purpose in life. No matter what your age, it is never too late to uncover your innate talents and then adjust your life accordingly. So, how does one identify a unique talent?

The easiest way to identify your innate talent is to think about what you are doing when you feel happiest in life – when you never look at the clock, never think about what you will have for dinner, and ignore your buzzing phone. For one person, it might be building a bookcase in the garage. For another, it may be swirling around a ballroom with a dance partner. For others, it might be singing opera, taking photographs, or designing a room in a home. For someone else, it may be helping others through a crisis. For another, it may be leading a team at work to surpass goals.

Once you have identified your innate talent, now it is time to create a plan to incorporate more of it into your life—and perhaps even parlay that talent into a career. Could you start a business where you design and build bookcases on demand for clients or stage homes before they are put on the market? Is it possible to network with the director of a nonprofit and find a way to work with those affected by natural disasters? Do you have the means to open your own studio to teach ballroom dancing, join an opera company, or begin a photography business?

To incorporate positive change into your life, transform your thinking and focus on using your gifts to attain personal fulfillment. As Howard Thurman once said, “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

 Life is short. It’s time for you to come alive. The world is waiting.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.