Today's Mindfulness Message

Do you want to live in the here and now rather than the past or the future?

Ask yourself: Where am I?

Answer: Here.

Ask yourself: What time is it?

Answer: Now.

Say it until you can hear it.

—Ram Dass

As often as possible, rely on this quote to bring your mind back to the present moment.

It’s as simple as that.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Confidently Move Forward into a New Year with Purpose

As we move into a new year, it can be very beneficial to reflect on the previous year’s accomplishments and lessons before determining how you want to move forward this year.

When thinking about what you achieved and didn’t achieve in the last year, it is important to ask yourself a well-rounded set of questions that not only explore your wins and lessons learned, but also help you find a direction forward:

What have I accomplished this year that I am most proud of? This question can be difficult for some people for mainly one reason. We are reluctant to talk about our accomplishments for fear of sounding boastful or arrogant. Today, this question is just for you, and your answer is just for you to see. In your journal write five things you achieved in the last year that made you feel good. Really good. It doesn’t have to be a major project or milestone or an achievement worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. Maybe you stood up for yourself for the first time ever. Maybe you helped a friend through a challenging time. Perhaps you faced a big fear and conquered it, one step at a time. Documenting your accomplishments and reviewing them reminds you of all the great things you achieve every year without realizing it.

What is one thing I wish I could have achieved last year that I didn’t? This is not an opportunity for you to beat yourself up. This is an opportunity for you to be honest with yourself. Did you really want to achieve this one thing or did you want to achieve it to please others? If you didn’t achieve it, what do you think were the things standing in your way? If you still want to achieve this one thing, how do you think you can better overcome the obstacles standing in your way this year? In your journal, write your way over the either perceived or true obstacles and find a new direction. You can do it.

Who in my life is holding me back from pursuing my dreams? Hmm, tough question, right? The answer may come to you right away or it may take a while. The person may be someone in your inner circle who is constantly telling you that your dream is unattainable or it may be … gasp … you. Are you standing in your own way? How are you talking to yourself? Are you saying, “Forget it. There’s no way you can do this.” Or are you saying, “I will find a way. It may take me a while, but I will do it.” How you talk to yourself after an encounter with a dream crusher or your own inner-critic is a critical element to whether or not you will succeed in achieving your dreams.

What lessons did I learn in the last year? This is a loaded question, but one that is empowering. We are all here to learn. What valuable lessons did the universe place in front of you for you to carry forward in a positive way? Write at least three in your journal. Some examples might be, “I learned to speak my truth and be more authentic in all my conversations” or “I learned that I don’t know it all,” or “I learned that I deserve more in my career and that it’s okay to explore new opportunities.” Think of three experiences that proved to be challenging for you and then identify a lesson learned. It’s a powerful exercise.

Once you have formulated and reviewed your answers to all of these questions, take some time to reflect. Reflecting on an entire year can be enlightening in many ways. Although it is scary at first, it is an important step in growing as a person, stepping outside your comfort zone, and learning lessons that you can carry forward into the future to better yourself and the world around you.

Now, one final request. Write down three small action steps you can take beginning today to take what you have learned from your answers and create your best life this year.

Although I am encouraging you today to look back into your past, I am also encouraging you to make this a one-time exercise. From today on, live in the present moment where all good things await.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Begin Creating Lasting Positive Change

How are you caring for yourself today?

Did this question make you stop and think about yourself for a change? Most of us tend to put others before ourselves (our boss, our children, our partner or our spouse). But what about you? What you are doing today to care for yourself? If you can’t think of one thing, then it’s definitely time to reexamine your life and your habits. It is not wrong to think of yourself first. In fact, it is healthy to think of yourself first.

Creating positive change in your life doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, dedication, and perseverance to determine the best path forward. Below is one practice, if relied on consistently, can transform your mindset and life.

Find gratitude for three things every day.

There are many positive benefits of implementing a consistent gratitude practice into each day.

According to the Mayo Clinic, the benefits of a daily gratitude practice can improve sleep, mood, and immunity. Being thankful can also decrease depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and risk of disease.

With such obvious amazing benefits, it’s hard to believe that so many do not make this practice an important part of their day.

This does not have to be a complicated practice, or one that you dread. This will become a more natural practice after you’ve been doing it for a while.

It doesn’t matter what time of day you find time to be thankful. Instead, find a time that works best for you and then focus on consistency. Your time might be first thing in the morning. Or for someone else, it might be right before going to sleep at night. Others might want to identify three things they’re thankful for during their lunch hour or when their children are taking a nap.

The things you find you are grateful for are often the simplest gifts life offers (and rarely material items). It might be someone who made you smile, or held a door open for you, or slowed down so you could merge into their lane. It might be your first sip of coffee in the morning, or a beautiful sunrise, or a hug from a friend, or a great review from your boss. It might be your past experiences for they helped you grow into who you are today. Everyone’s list is different, but equally as important and valuable to their mental health.

If you don’t want to keep a journal or notebook, then there are other ways to practice gratitude.

Keep a gratitude jar. Every day, write down three things you’re grateful for on a slip of paper and drop it into the jar. Whenever you need a boost, choose a paper from the jar and read it.

Find a memento and keep it with you every day. It might be a bracelet or necklace or a tiny rock in your pocket. When you touch it, silently say three things you are grateful for.

No matter which practice you choose, make it your own and then believe in its power to slowly transform your life and attitude. As Mary Davis once said, “The more grateful I am, the more beauty I see.” Are you ready to see more beauty?

Now I have one more ask of you today. Repeat this phrase three times either out loud or to yourself:

I have a blessed life.

Pay attention to how this makes you feel after you repeat it three times. It will bring you peace and the knowledge that life brings you exactly what you need … exactly when you need it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Staying Present through Five Questions

It’s a struggle most of us face every day—to be fully present in every moment. Because the average person has between 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts racing through their mind from when they first awaken to when they close their eyes at night, staying present can seem like a daunting task. Despite these challenges, it is possible to live in the here and now as often as we can.

“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”

—Abraham Maslow

There are several ways to train our minds to stay in the present that include meditation, journaling, yoga, and prayer. Yet sometimes we are not in a place where it is effective to utilize these practices.

The practice detailed below, easily implemented anywhere, can help you rely on the five senses to gently move your mind back into the present moment.

When you feel yourself living in the past or the future, stop what you are doing and ask yourself the following five questions.

In this moment ….

What do I hear? (this may be the sound of birds chirping, the clicking of your fingers on a computer keyboard, or a car speeding past)

What do I see? (this may be photos on a wall, your co-workers, or a flickering candle)

What do I smell? (this could be coffee brewing, the fresh air after a rain, or dinner on the stove)

What can I touch? (this may be your steering wheel, a stress ball on your desk, or the skin on the top of your hand)

What do I taste? (this may be a piece of candy in your mouth, the coffee you’re sipping, or the meal you are eating)

As you ask yourself these questions, pay attention to your breathing. As it slows, take notice of how your mind is gradually moving into a place of calm and peace. If you feel your thoughts drifting again, gently ease your mind back to the present by intently paying attention what you are hearing, seeing, smelling, touching, and tasting in every moment.

Learning to be present through these five questions can be a powerful practice that can guide you to consistently feeling more peaceful, fulfilled, and happy.

You don’t have to be perfect in life, just present.

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.

Make the Now the primary focus of your life.”

—Eckhart Tolle

This post is original content, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

A Simple Way to Stop Gossiping, Complaining, and Criticizing

You may have seen her on Saturday Night Live. She’s Debbie Downer and she’s a real downer. When she goes out with her group of optimistic, happy friends, it is not long before she brings the entire clan down with her depressing comments about injuries, accidents, and illness. We all may know a Debbie Downer, but we also understand that we’ve all done it at one time or another—and may even do it several times a day. When we complain, gossip, and criticize others, we bring negative energy into not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us. Just turn on the news and you realize how easy it is to be a Debbie Downer these days.

In the book A Complaint Free World, Will Bowen suggests wearing a bracelet or rubber band around the wrist to tackle the challenge of eliminating this habit or pattern. Every time you catch yourself complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, you must move the bracelet to your other wrist. You may not remove the bracelet entirely until you have gone twenty-one days straight without gossiping, complaining, or criticizing.

Is it hard to quit gossiping, complaining, and criticizing? Definitely. While this practice may not be perfect for everyone, it does create awareness, which is the first step in initiating positive change in our lives.

While attempting to create awareness, it may be easier to tackle one habit or pattern at a time. For example, for the first seven days, focus on decreasing gossip. During the second week, turn your attention toward complaining. In the third week, do your best to address your criticism of others.

In the beginning of this practice, your bracelet may move quickly from wrist-to-wrist as you learn how often you have been allowing negative comments to surround your life like a black cloud. But then, after a few days, you may notice that you are switching your bracelet from wrist-to-wrist less often. Even better, you most likely are beginning to feel happier. Without being allowed to gossip, criticize, or complain, you could be smiling, laughing, and spreading positivity more often. What could be better than that?

You may never make it twenty-one days without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, but you might get close. The book suggests that this process of changing how we view life may take as long as four to eight months, but isn’t that a short period of time in an entire life? Suddenly, it doesn’t seem like an unrealistic goal at all.

Simply put, when you feel the bracelet on your wrist, it reminds you that you are a work-in-progress. Although you are not perfect, you are perfectly capable of becoming a better person with every day.

All blog content is original, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Who Are You?

Photo by Vicky DeCoster

Finding and then embracing our true identity can be one of our biggest challenges in life. While trying to determine who we are and what purpose we are destined to fulfill while here, we can often feel weighed down, confused, frustrated, and in need of answers. 

When feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to stop for a moment, retreat into nature, breathe deeply, and look around. In nature, there are no two trees alike, no two animals alike, no two plants alike, no two hiking trails alike, no two sunrises alike, and no two sunsets alike. 

As you take in the gifts that nature provides every day and take note of their one-of-a-kind beauty, now is the time to remember that in the entire universe, there is no one else just like you. You are full of opinions, ideas, and love—all unique to you.  

Today, I am sharing an original poem that may help you remember that just like the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything else in nature, you are exactly how you are meant to be. As you grow, develop, and bravely step outside your comfort zone, believe that everything in your life is progressing just as it should. Be open to learning, seeing yourself with compassionate eyes, and knowing that your journey is yours and yours alone. 

You are the one and only you. Be proud, stand tall, and never give up. 

 I AM 

By Vicky DeCoster 

 I am 

like a star in the sky 

that illuminates the darkness 

In its own way. 

I am 

like the moon 

that glows in all its unique glory 

amid a vast universe. 

I am 

like a blade of grass 

that blows in a gentle breeze 

graceful yet resilient. 

I am 

like the sun 

that warms the Earth 

while reminding of new beginnings. 

I am 

like the water 

that flows downstream 

and helps shape all within its reach. 

I am 

like the sun, the moon, the stars, 

and everything else in nature 

just how I am meant to be. 

I am me. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Are You Living in the Past, the Future, or the Present?

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future,

focus on living fully in the present.” ―Roy T. Bennett

There are three ways to live life. One is to constantly return to the past where we seize the opportunity to identify our regrets, relive our mistakes, and question why we have had to endure challenges.

The second is to live in the future where we seemingly believe that if we gaze into an imagined crystal ball, we can somehow predict everything that is going to happen to us, even when we know deep inside that life is more often unpredictable than not.

Finally, we can choose to live in the present, where we are mindfully aware that we are most content when we embrace every moment with wonderment, gratitude, and curiosity.

While it is sometimes helpful to return to the past to heal old wounds or identify learning lessons to take forward in a positive way, or to temporarily look into the future in order to set attainable goals or pinpoint how to align ourselves with our best life, living in the present invites us to journey to a place of acceptance where we openly welcome all that life brings, both good and bad, while knowing that with each experience, we are provided with an opportunity to learn and become better versions of ourselves.

As terrific as that idea sounds, it can seem like a daunting task, especially when we have been living in either the past or the future for some time. So what can we do to make this task become more effortless?

First, practice becoming mindfully aware of when you are expending unnecessary energy to return to the past to beat yourself up or attempting to imagine a future that has not unfolded.

When you realize you are living in the past or future, gently bring your mind back to the here and now. Look around you. Really see everything: your family members, the flowers in your garden, or your pets. Identify one thing to be grateful for right now. Breathe.

Lastly, think of an easy phrase that allows you to bring yourself back to the present whenever you find yourself living elsewhere. That phrase could be, “Here and now,” or “Stay focused,” or “Be present.” Repeat this phrase several times until you feel yourself right here, right now, in this moment.

If you find yourself living in the past or the future, remember that you are not alone. Everyone deals with this challenge at some point in their lives. With that said, it is important to note that the most content people have developed and then incorporated a consistent daily practice that promotes a “be here now” mindset.

Be patient with yourself as you begin this practice. Even the best habits take time to implement. You are here to learn and grow. By implementing this disciplined practice, you are doing just that.

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“Sometimes what a person needs is not a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.” —Unknown

To subscribe to the blog or schedule a call with Vicky: https://www.crossthebridgecoaching.com/contact

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice: Looking Back on an Unforgettable Year

The year 2020 has garnered many descriptive phrases that include “unprecedented,” “apocalyptic,” and “tumultuous.” Although there has been much focus on what we disagree about in the world, one thing is certain: those of us who have survived the last twelve months will share a collective sigh of relief when we can once again move forward into the future with confidence, calmness, and clarity.

Through all of the struggles, chaos, and uncertainty surrounding this year, there is no question that we have all learned something in 2020. While we remained quarantined in our homes, perhaps some of us experienced true loneliness for the first time in our lives and have had to teach ourselves how to be okay with silence. Others may have seized the opportunity to clean, organize, and get things done that had remained on the back burner of their lives for longer than they would like to admit. Some may have decided to take control over their future and learn a new skill or start a side business. Others may have taken the opportunity to re-evaluate their career and where they want to go from here. A few more may have decided to help others by delivering food or groceries to those in need, contributing money to charities, or making regular phone calls to elderly relatives or friends.

No matter where you are in the process of learning more about yourself and how you are coping with one of the greatest challenges to affect the world to date, it is never too late to reflect on all you will take away from this moment in time and carry into the future to either help yourself or others around you. Right now, take a breather and ask yourself this question:

What is the greatest lesson I have learned in 2020?

 Once you have formulated an answer either in your mind or on paper, ask yourself this question:

 What will I take forward from this experience to effect positive change?

 As we enthusiastically welcome a new year, it is important for all of us to keep our eyes on the path in front of us that is full of opportunities, fresh lessons, and unique experiences. As Roy T. Bennett once said, “The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living.”

For a few minutes, be here, right now, in this place of learning. And then let it go so you can grow, develop, and then carry your valuable lessons forward to help yourself and others in 2021.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice – Slowing Down to Enjoy Life’s Simple Gifts

One of life’s simple gifts captured by Vicky DeCoster while on a recent hike in the woods

In a world where chaos and busyness is often embraced and even celebrated, it can be difficult to jump off the hamster wheel of life and take a breath. Yet as difficult as it can be to execute at times, the practice of slowing down to enjoy the simple gifts that life brings on a daily basis is critical to maintaining our mental health, especially during challenging periods.

When was the last time you set an intention to really notice the world around you?

Welcome this opportunity to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Imagine yourself walking on a path in a forest. As you listen to the leaves crunching under your feet and the wind gently rustling the leaves of the trees, you decide not to just look at the path in front of you like you always do. Instead, you choose to begin observing the world through the wonderment of someone who has never seen it before.

What do you see when you open yourself to observe the simple gifts of life?

Perhaps it is the way the sunlight streams through the trees, or the laughter of someone behind you on the trail, or the way the air smells of evergreens. Perhaps it is the way you and your hiking companion can walk in companionable silence, or the sound of a rushing creek next to the path, or the feeling of being a small speck in a giant universe full of possibilities.

Now open your eyes and really look around you. What do you see now? There are simple gifts everywhere, just waiting for you to notice them. Choose one right now and then express gratitude for it.

These gifts are not just for you; they are for everyone. Pay it forward by pointing out a simple gift today to someone else. In doing so, you can help them take a breath and really see life. The domino effect from this practice has the potential to have amazing, lasting effects that have the power to change lives for the better.

Life can be good and life can be heartbreaking. Yet through all the ups and downs, it is possible to stop, take a breath, and notice every simple gift life gives you.

“If you will stay close to nature, to its simplicity, to the small things hardly noticeable, those things can unexpectedly become great and immeasurable.” ―Rainer Maria Rilke

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Living Her Passion – Kim Shaw, Photo Artist

Kim Shaw working on a photo art creation.

Creativity is in Kim Shaw’s blood. Ever since she was a little girl, she has enjoyed taking photographs, drawing, and painting. As she matured and ventured out on her own, she was encouraged to find a career that offered stability and a predictable salary. While married, working in a variety of corporate roles and as a nanny, and raising her daughter, Brianne, Kim began photographing weddings, portraits, and even school photos. As her job as a nanny took her around the world, Kim captured beautiful scenes and landscapes from many of her trips. Later after learning her great-grandfather was a photographer and digging through his vintage images, Kim began contemplating how she could enhance and restore those images and ultimately transform them into artwork. “A photograph is frozen in time,” Kim says, “I want to know what they were going through in their lives at that very moment.”

Everything changed in 2010 when divorce set Kim on a path of healing where she eventually met with a life coach who guided her to explore new mediums that included acrylic painting on photographs. After taking a couple of classes and receiving a gentle push from a friend, Kim began painting—first for family who asked her to paint as gifts and then for a gallery owner who asked her to paint in her gallery “live” on Saturdays. It wasn’t long before her business, PhotoArt by Kim, was founded and she was on her way to pursuing her passion.

Kim’s award-winning artwork.

Kim’s photo painting process begins with an image in any condition. “If it’s not in digital form, I’ll scan it digitally and then print it on canvas,” she adds. “Then I prepare the surface of the canvas with a matte medium and begin painting with acrylic, following either her intuition or the customer’s guidance.” Kim says that most of her commissions are inspired by the clients, as they generally have a vision of what they want. After the painting has dried, each piece is varnished with UVA protective coating.

Kim’s art niche is in gift giving. Her clients possess vintage and classic images from every walk of life—grandpa and his first car; grandma in her twenties, the father a customer never met; a family homestead in the 1950s, and beloved pets. Since 2012, Kim has completed over 50 commissions. Her customers find her at art shows and other events where they enjoy viewing her completed pieces and hearing all the stories surrounding her artwork. “I’ve found that most people want to meet the artist before they invest in artwork,” she adds. Her favorite part of creating art is seeing the reactions of her clients when they see their artwork for the first time. “Usually we cry together because the photo image means so much to them. When they see where I was able to take the photograph, it becomes a healing experience.”

Her parents are her biggest supporters. Her mother, who is in her late seventies, is now taking oil painting classes for the first time in her life. Kim proclaims she has gained complete fulfillment by pursuing her passion. “The joy I have when a client cries over their completed artwork is very spiritual,” she adds. Today Kim keeps busy with a new creative group she has formed and with exploring other mediums like abstract painting. Her advice to anyone wanting to pursue their passion is, “If you love it, then do it! Love is your fuel. Be your own customer first.”

Kim with a happy client.

Angel Haze once said, “True artistic expression lies in conveying emotion.” Kim Shaw offers her customers the inspirational gift of artfully recapturing moments in the lives of their ancestors, their friends, and themselves and providing them with a keepsake that draws emotions to the surface and keeps those moments alive for the next generation to appreciate. Through the pursuit of her artistic passions that provide others with so much happiness, Kim is leaving a legacy that will last long beyond her time here on Earth.

For more about her artwork or to reach out to Kim about a commission piece, visit https://www.facebook.com/photoartbykim/.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.