Embracing Your Imperfections

In fifteenth century Japan, it has been told that when a shogun sent a damaged tea bowl back to China to be repaired, it was returned with large metal staples that held the cracks together. Fascinated by the technique (although not visually appealing), the Japanese soon developed the art of kintsugi. 

The technique quickly transformed from bulky staples to first using lacquer to glue the joints and then painting the cracks with gold powder. Kintsugi became even more popular after the Great East Japan Earthquake in 2011 when many beautiful ceramic pieces were damaged. Now, it is not uncommon to hear of artists who will purposely break ceramic bowls and other pottery to create artistic pieces.

There is a philosophy behind Kintsugi. It teaches artists and humankind the beauty of embracing imperfections and flaws as well as the fragility of life itself.

Although we are not inanimate objects, we are living, breathing beings who all have imperfections and flaws. Our cracks tell a beautiful story of our challenges, our perseverance through those challenges, and our unique journeys through life. 

We have a saying in my house when one of us is navigating through a difficult time or feeling a little beaten up by the world.

Fill your cracks with gold.

These five words provide a gentle reminder that accepting our flaws can be a wonderful accompaniment to personal growth.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that we aren’t working on being better people every day. 

Acceptance means that we know we are imperfect, and love ourselves unconditionally anyway.

Fill your cracks with gold.

You are truly beautiful when you do.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in the Midwest who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Confidently Move Forward into a New Year with Purpose

As we move into a new year, it can be very beneficial to reflect on the previous year’s accomplishments and lessons before determining how you want to move forward this year.

When thinking about what you achieved and didn’t achieve in the last year, it is important to ask yourself a well-rounded set of questions that not only explore your wins and lessons learned, but also help you find a direction forward:

What have I accomplished this year that I am most proud of? This question can be difficult for some people for mainly one reason. We are reluctant to talk about our accomplishments for fear of sounding boastful or arrogant. Today, this question is just for you, and your answer is just for you to see. In your journal write five things you achieved in the last year that made you feel good. Really good. It doesn’t have to be a major project or milestone or an achievement worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. Maybe you stood up for yourself for the first time ever. Maybe you helped a friend through a challenging time. Perhaps you faced a big fear and conquered it, one step at a time. Documenting your accomplishments and reviewing them reminds you of all the great things you achieve every year without realizing it.

What is one thing I wish I could have achieved last year that I didn’t? This is not an opportunity for you to beat yourself up. This is an opportunity for you to be honest with yourself. Did you really want to achieve this one thing or did you want to achieve it to please others? If you didn’t achieve it, what do you think were the things standing in your way? If you still want to achieve this one thing, how do you think you can better overcome the obstacles standing in your way this year? In your journal, write your way over the either perceived or true obstacles and find a new direction. You can do it.

Who in my life is holding me back from pursuing my dreams? Hmm, tough question, right? The answer may come to you right away or it may take a while. The person may be someone in your inner circle who is constantly telling you that your dream is unattainable or it may be … gasp … you. Are you standing in your own way? How are you talking to yourself? Are you saying, “Forget it. There’s no way you can do this.” Or are you saying, “I will find a way. It may take me a while, but I will do it.” How you talk to yourself after an encounter with a dream crusher or your own inner-critic is a critical element to whether or not you will succeed in achieving your dreams.

What lessons did I learn in the last year? This is a loaded question, but one that is empowering. We are all here to learn. What valuable lessons did the universe place in front of you for you to carry forward in a positive way? Write at least three in your journal. Some examples might be, “I learned to speak my truth and be more authentic in all my conversations” or “I learned that I don’t know it all,” or “I learned that I deserve more in my career and that it’s okay to explore new opportunities.” Think of three experiences that proved to be challenging for you and then identify a lesson learned. It’s a powerful exercise.

Once you have formulated and reviewed your answers to all of these questions, take some time to reflect. Reflecting on an entire year can be enlightening in many ways. Although it is scary at first, it is an important step in growing as a person, stepping outside your comfort zone, and learning lessons that you can carry forward into the future to better yourself and the world around you.

Now, one final request. Write down three small action steps you can take beginning today to take what you have learned from your answers and create your best life this year.

Although I am encouraging you today to look back into your past, I am also encouraging you to make this a one-time exercise. From today on, live in the present moment where all good things await.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Journal to Know Yourself Better

Although the process of journaling can be an incredibly powerful way to incorporate positive change in your life, studies reveal that only 8% of the population currently journals. Although others around you (or you) may have journaled in the past, you may have never thought of journaling as a way to work through obstacles, let go of limiting beliefs, and to express emotions in a different way. So what is journaling and what are the benefits?

It’s important to note that your journal should not be a place where you complain. Instead, it should be a safe place, free from judgment, that allows you to view your life from a different perspective and creates awareness. When you write what you feel, you allow yourself to feel everything—the first step to finding a clear path through challenging situations, growing and developing personally, and transforming your mindset.

As Lee Wise once said, “Journaling is paying attention to the inside for the purpose of living well from the inside out.”

According to two studies conducted in 2022, time spent journaling can reduce the number of sick days we take off work, help us better understand our needs, and boost our overall well-being that includes lower blood pressure and improved lung and liver function. Additionally, journaling can reduce anxiety, regulate emotions, and decrease mental stress that includes obsessive thinking and worrying.

There are many different ways to journal. I have journaled since age eight. Over the years, the way I journal has transformed, right along with me.

These days, I journal in a way that works well for me at this time in my life. Every morning before the sun rises and before I do anything else, I head to my kitchen table where my journal awaits. I light a candle and begin my daily practice that includes an inspiring quote I find online, my intention for the day, and three things I am grateful for. Sometimes I write more; sometimes I don’t. This current practice has worked well for me for about four years, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t revise it or tweak this practice down the road. In past years, I have written pages every day in my journal, and may do that again in the future. For example, one year when I celebrated a big birthday, I documented valuable life lessons, one for every year I have lived. During another stretch of time, I created three words every morning that I wanted to describe my day ahead.

I am giving you permission today to make this practice your own. It doesn’t have to be perfect. The comforting news is that your journal is yours. This is the one place where you can be honest with yourself, give yourself unconditional love, and learn more about yourself every day. Keep it in a safe place and designate someone you trust to care for them (or confidentially dispose of them) when you depart Earth.

If you’ve never journaled before, you may struggle with how to get started. Here are a few sample journaling prompts that may help:

What is the best thing that has happened to me today?

How have I grown today?

What have I learned today?

Who have I helped today?

Who helped me today?

What is my biggest fear?

What is one step I can take today to begin alleviating that fear?

Who do I want to be tomorrow?

What do I want to learn tomorrow?

Who do I want to help tomorrow?

Note that each prompt is focused on growth, action, and self-love. This is the mindset you want to strive for when journaling.

I think Brad Wilcox said it best when describing journaling, “A personal journal is an ideal environment in which to “become.” It is a perfect place for you to think, feel, discover, expand, remember, and dream.”

I like to compare the process of journaling to soaring like an eagle over your life, viewing it from above to see things in a new way. Through consistent daily practice, journaling provides a way for you to attain serenity and become all you imagine for yourself and more.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Begin Creating Lasting Positive Change

How are you caring for yourself today?

Did this question make you stop and think about yourself for a change? Most of us tend to put others before ourselves (our boss, our children, our partner or our spouse). But what about you? What you are doing today to care for yourself? If you can’t think of one thing, then it’s definitely time to reexamine your life and your habits. It is not wrong to think of yourself first. In fact, it is healthy to think of yourself first.

Creating positive change in your life doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, dedication, and perseverance to determine the best path forward. Below is one practice, if relied on consistently, can transform your mindset and life.

Find gratitude for three things every day.

There are many positive benefits of implementing a consistent gratitude practice into each day.

According to the Mayo Clinic, the benefits of a daily gratitude practice can improve sleep, mood, and immunity. Being thankful can also decrease depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and risk of disease.

With such obvious amazing benefits, it’s hard to believe that so many do not make this practice an important part of their day.

This does not have to be a complicated practice, or one that you dread. This will become a more natural practice after you’ve been doing it for a while.

It doesn’t matter what time of day you find time to be thankful. Instead, find a time that works best for you and then focus on consistency. Your time might be first thing in the morning. Or for someone else, it might be right before going to sleep at night. Others might want to identify three things they’re thankful for during their lunch hour or when their children are taking a nap.

The things you find you are grateful for are often the simplest gifts life offers (and rarely material items). It might be someone who made you smile, or held a door open for you, or slowed down so you could merge into their lane. It might be your first sip of coffee in the morning, or a beautiful sunrise, or a hug from a friend, or a great review from your boss. It might be your past experiences for they helped you grow into who you are today. Everyone’s list is different, but equally as important and valuable to their mental health.

If you don’t want to keep a journal or notebook, then there are other ways to practice gratitude.

Keep a gratitude jar. Every day, write down three things you’re grateful for on a slip of paper and drop it into the jar. Whenever you need a boost, choose a paper from the jar and read it.

Find a memento and keep it with you every day. It might be a bracelet or necklace or a tiny rock in your pocket. When you touch it, silently say three things you are grateful for.

No matter which practice you choose, make it your own and then believe in its power to slowly transform your life and attitude. As Mary Davis once said, “The more grateful I am, the more beauty I see.” Are you ready to see more beauty?

Now I have one more ask of you today. Repeat this phrase three times either out loud or to yourself:

I have a blessed life.

Pay attention to how this makes you feel after you repeat it three times. It will bring you peace and the knowledge that life brings you exactly what you need … exactly when you need it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

A Simple Way to Stop Gossiping, Complaining, and Criticizing

You may have seen her on Saturday Night Live. She’s Debbie Downer and she’s a real downer. When she goes out with her group of optimistic, happy friends, it is not long before she brings the entire clan down with her depressing comments about injuries, accidents, and illness. We all may know a Debbie Downer, but we also understand that we’ve all done it at one time or another—and may even do it several times a day. When we complain, gossip, and criticize others, we bring negative energy into not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us. Just turn on the news and you realize how easy it is to be a Debbie Downer these days.

In the book A Complaint Free World, Will Bowen suggests wearing a bracelet or rubber band around the wrist to tackle the challenge of eliminating this habit or pattern. Every time you catch yourself complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, you must move the bracelet to your other wrist. You may not remove the bracelet entirely until you have gone twenty-one days straight without gossiping, complaining, or criticizing.

Is it hard to quit gossiping, complaining, and criticizing? Definitely. While this practice may not be perfect for everyone, it does create awareness, which is the first step in initiating positive change in our lives.

While attempting to create awareness, it may be easier to tackle one habit or pattern at a time. For example, for the first seven days, focus on decreasing gossip. During the second week, turn your attention toward complaining. In the third week, do your best to address your criticism of others.

In the beginning of this practice, your bracelet may move quickly from wrist-to-wrist as you learn how often you have been allowing negative comments to surround your life like a black cloud. But then, after a few days, you may notice that you are switching your bracelet from wrist-to-wrist less often. Even better, you most likely are beginning to feel happier. Without being allowed to gossip, criticize, or complain, you could be smiling, laughing, and spreading positivity more often. What could be better than that?

You may never make it twenty-one days without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, but you might get close. The book suggests that this process of changing how we view life may take as long as four to eight months, but isn’t that a short period of time in an entire life? Suddenly, it doesn’t seem like an unrealistic goal at all.

Simply put, when you feel the bracelet on your wrist, it reminds you that you are a work-in-progress. Although you are not perfect, you are perfectly capable of becoming a better person with every day.

All blog content is original, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Your Truth Lies in Your Dreams

Xia Boyu was in his twenties when he first climbed Mount Everest in 1975. Just before reaching the peak, he and his team became trapped at the summit for two days and three nights due to bad weather. After using all their resources, they were forced to retreat without achieving their dream. While on their descent, Boyu gave his sleeping bag to a teammate who lost his own. As a result, Boyu lost both feet to frostbite and soon transformed into a double-amputee.

Some may have given up their dream at that point, and lived out the remainder of their years ruminating about the failed attempt. But not Boyu. When he ultimately received the gift of prosthetic legs, his purpose was renewed. Despite an eventual battle with cancer and other seemingly insurmountable setbacks, he worked diligently for the next forty-three years toward his goal of summiting Everest again. He tried in 2014, only to abandon the climb after an avalanche struck and killed 16 people. In 2015, an earthquake in Nepal stopped his attempt. In 2017, he tried again without success. Through it all, Boyu never gave up.

On May 14, 2018, at the age of 69, he finally reached the summit on his fifth try, becoming only the second double-amputee to do so. Since then, he has received a Laureus World Sports Award, served as a torchbearer at the Beijing Paralympics, and become an inspiration to not just those with disabilities, but to others around the world who look to him as an example of perseverance, positivity, and what it looks like to live fully and without regret.

While your goal may not be to summit Mount Everest, it is equally as important to persevere through your challenges, setbacks, and fears, just as Boyu did, to fulfill the dreams you imagine for yourself. For over four decades, Boyu picked himself up again after every attempt and continued to press forward. He never surrendered.

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” –Pema Chödrön

Your truth lies in your dreams. Bravely walk into the unknown, face your fears, and don’t give up when your path becomes lined with obstacles. Your hurdles are what make you stronger and more determined than ever to be all you can be.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Why Looking Back Helps You Look Forward

As a year ends and a new one awaits on the horizon, we are offered an exceptional opportunity to reflect on the past twelve months, identify what we have learned, and then carry forward those lessons to make the next year even better. One of the most valuable aspects of this practice is that it helps us remember that we are not expected to be perfect while we are here and that there are no failures—simply lessons.  

 “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” 

--Sophia Bush 

While taking time to remember what you have learned, it is optimal to document your identified lessons in writing followed by a positive action step, inspired by this lesson, you would like to take forward into the next year. This allows you to view your life from another angle. An example of a lesson might be: 

I’ve learned that it is important for me to be adventurous. To explore the world. To go to new places and find out how others live. To listen to their stories. To learn that we are all more alike than different. These experiences are what make me feel alive and part of something much bigger. 

Action Step for 2023: I will plan two trips that take me out of my comfort zone and allow me to gain new experiences and insights. 

 “Everyday life teaches us a new lesson without any classroom.” 

--Danish Khan 

Another example might be: 

I’ve learned to own my truth and individuality. In order to attain my best life, I will identify what I want for myself (not what others want for me), and then determinedly head down this path. I will not feel critical of myself for pursuing what makes me happy. 

Action Step for 2023: I will create a weekly list of goals to achieve that move me one step closer every day toward my ideal life. 

This end-of-the-year practice also encourages you to talk back to the inner critic who is constantly telling you that you must be perfect, that you must compete with others to be happy, and that your fears are bigger than your dreams. It also allows you to release other negative thoughts that are holding you back from moving forward with a positive outlook. Finally, this practice empowers you to remember that you are the one who controls your life and attitude. 

 “Why let go of yesterday? Because yesterday has already let go of you.” 

--Steve Maraboli 

Before 2022 ends, become the most curious person you know. It’s time to get to know yourself on an even deeper level by taking an honest, nonjudgmental look at the past year, and then using what you learn to create a clear plan going forward that brings you more fulfillment and encourages you to shine your unique light onto the world. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Are You Fully Alive?

When asked, many of us might describe the majority of our days as simply ordinary. We go to work, come home, watch television, and go to bed. The next day we wash, rinse, and repeat. Although we know that every day can’t be exciting, it can still sometimes feel like we are in autopilot, methodically moving through each activity or habit without fully living in the moment. 

 You have the power to transform your thinking, anytime, anywhere. 

A friend once shared that when she is experiencing something new or exciting, she throws her head back, raises both her arms in the air, and yells, “I’M ALIVE!” This fun practice is such a great reminder to not just yourself, but to everyone around you to celebrate every extraordinary life experience. 

Whether you are riding a roller coaster, hiking a challenging trail, falling madly in love, traveling the world, giving a speech, taking candid photos, creating art, teaching others a skill, helping someone in trouble, or learning or trying something new, these moments in time provide an opportunity to stop, find joy in the experience, and then celebrate your existence in your own unique way. 

Occasionally reminding ourselves that we are fully alive is an extremely valuable step toward realizing happiness and fulfillment. 

 It is possible to celebrate your life every day in small ways. 

Right now, think about what are you doing when you feel fully alive. How often are you doing these activities that bring joy, make you feel proud of yourself, or build confidence? Replace one mundane habit (watching television) with a new habit (taking an art class) that pairs a concrete action step with your new pledge to live fully. 

 Do more of the things that make you come alive. 

Life is meant to be lived, not endured.  

Why are you here? I’m certain you are not here to robotically navigate through every day while wondering if this is all there is to life. What I am certain of is that you are here for an important reason – to fully live. 

There’s no time to waste. Get busy celebrating life and your beautiful existence. 

(Need an example? Watch the below video of Masaka Kids celebrating their lives!)

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Who Are You?

Photo by Vicky DeCoster

Finding and then embracing our true identity can be one of our biggest challenges in life. While trying to determine who we are and what purpose we are destined to fulfill while here, we can often feel weighed down, confused, frustrated, and in need of answers. 

When feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to stop for a moment, retreat into nature, breathe deeply, and look around. In nature, there are no two trees alike, no two animals alike, no two plants alike, no two hiking trails alike, no two sunrises alike, and no two sunsets alike. 

As you take in the gifts that nature provides every day and take note of their one-of-a-kind beauty, now is the time to remember that in the entire universe, there is no one else just like you. You are full of opinions, ideas, and love—all unique to you.  

Today, I am sharing an original poem that may help you remember that just like the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything else in nature, you are exactly how you are meant to be. As you grow, develop, and bravely step outside your comfort zone, believe that everything in your life is progressing just as it should. Be open to learning, seeing yourself with compassionate eyes, and knowing that your journey is yours and yours alone. 

You are the one and only you. Be proud, stand tall, and never give up. 

 I AM 

By Vicky DeCoster 

 I am 

like a star in the sky 

that illuminates the darkness 

In its own way. 

I am 

like the moon 

that glows in all its unique glory 

amid a vast universe. 

I am 

like a blade of grass 

that blows in a gentle breeze 

graceful yet resilient. 

I am 

like the sun 

that warms the Earth 

while reminding of new beginnings. 

I am 

like the water 

that flows downstream 

and helps shape all within its reach. 

I am 

like the sun, the moon, the stars, 

and everything else in nature 

just how I am meant to be. 

I am me. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Understanding and Communicating Your Perceptions

Perception is complicated. What we see when looking at the same thing—whether it’s art, a complex problem, a crime scene, or two people having a conversation—can widely differ between us. It should not be viewed as a setback or frustration when we all don’t see things alike. In fact, when we see things differently, it can be a tremendous asset in resolving challenges.  

“What you see is not what others see. We inhabit parallel worlds of perception, bounded by our interests and experience. What is obvious to some is invisible to others.”—George Monbiot 

The Art of Perception® in New York City is an organization that educates professionals and other leaders on how to enhance their observations of visual information and then effectively communicate those observations to the outside world.  

Its founder, Amy Herman, created the four As as a simple way to help others navigate through their unique perceptions of the world around them, and then clearly convey what they have seen to others. When viewing a situation or problem, try implementing the four As to gain a clearer understanding of your own perceptions as well as the perceptions of others:  

ASSESS:                      Stop and look. What do you really see? Take your time. 

ANALYZE:                   What is important and not important about what you see? 

ARTICULATE:              How do you want to communicate what you have seen to others? 

ADAPT OR ACT:         What do you want to do? Change your behavior to adapt to the situation or change the situation and make a difference? 

By assessing, analyzing, articulating, and adapting or acting on our perceptions, we are better able to find common ground with others around us, a path forward, and a greater appreciation of how our minds work differently to produce great ideas and solutions. 

Invite in the quiet and then open your mind to viewing and sharing your perceptions in a new way. It is through this practice that we not only learn more about ourselves, but also how to understand and respect the perceptions of those around us. 

 “There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” ―Aldous Huxley 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.