Embracing Your Imperfections

In fifteenth century Japan, it has been told that when a shogun sent a damaged tea bowl back to China to be repaired, it was returned with large metal staples that held the cracks together. Fascinated by the technique (although not visually appealing), the Japanese soon developed the art of kintsugi. 

The technique quickly transformed from bulky staples to first using lacquer to glue the joints and then painting the cracks with gold powder. Kintsugi became even more popular after the Great East Japan Earthquake in 2011 when many beautiful ceramic pieces were damaged. Now, it is not uncommon to hear of artists who will purposely break ceramic bowls and other pottery to create artistic pieces.

There is a philosophy behind Kintsugi. It teaches artists and humankind the beauty of embracing imperfections and flaws as well as the fragility of life itself.

Although we are not inanimate objects, we are living, breathing beings who all have imperfections and flaws. Our cracks tell a beautiful story of our challenges, our perseverance through those challenges, and our unique journeys through life. 

We have a saying in my house when one of us is navigating through a difficult time or feeling a little beaten up by the world.

Fill your cracks with gold.

These five words provide a gentle reminder that accepting our flaws can be a wonderful accompaniment to personal growth.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that we aren’t working on being better people every day. 

Acceptance means that we know we are imperfect, and love ourselves unconditionally anyway.

Fill your cracks with gold.

You are truly beautiful when you do.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in the Midwest who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Confidently Move Forward into a New Year with Purpose

As we move into a new year, it can be very beneficial to reflect on the previous year’s accomplishments and lessons before determining how you want to move forward this year.

When thinking about what you achieved and didn’t achieve in the last year, it is important to ask yourself a well-rounded set of questions that not only explore your wins and lessons learned, but also help you find a direction forward:

What have I accomplished this year that I am most proud of? This question can be difficult for some people for mainly one reason. We are reluctant to talk about our accomplishments for fear of sounding boastful or arrogant. Today, this question is just for you, and your answer is just for you to see. In your journal write five things you achieved in the last year that made you feel good. Really good. It doesn’t have to be a major project or milestone or an achievement worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. Maybe you stood up for yourself for the first time ever. Maybe you helped a friend through a challenging time. Perhaps you faced a big fear and conquered it, one step at a time. Documenting your accomplishments and reviewing them reminds you of all the great things you achieve every year without realizing it.

What is one thing I wish I could have achieved last year that I didn’t? This is not an opportunity for you to beat yourself up. This is an opportunity for you to be honest with yourself. Did you really want to achieve this one thing or did you want to achieve it to please others? If you didn’t achieve it, what do you think were the things standing in your way? If you still want to achieve this one thing, how do you think you can better overcome the obstacles standing in your way this year? In your journal, write your way over the either perceived or true obstacles and find a new direction. You can do it.

Who in my life is holding me back from pursuing my dreams? Hmm, tough question, right? The answer may come to you right away or it may take a while. The person may be someone in your inner circle who is constantly telling you that your dream is unattainable or it may be … gasp … you. Are you standing in your own way? How are you talking to yourself? Are you saying, “Forget it. There’s no way you can do this.” Or are you saying, “I will find a way. It may take me a while, but I will do it.” How you talk to yourself after an encounter with a dream crusher or your own inner-critic is a critical element to whether or not you will succeed in achieving your dreams.

What lessons did I learn in the last year? This is a loaded question, but one that is empowering. We are all here to learn. What valuable lessons did the universe place in front of you for you to carry forward in a positive way? Write at least three in your journal. Some examples might be, “I learned to speak my truth and be more authentic in all my conversations” or “I learned that I don’t know it all,” or “I learned that I deserve more in my career and that it’s okay to explore new opportunities.” Think of three experiences that proved to be challenging for you and then identify a lesson learned. It’s a powerful exercise.

Once you have formulated and reviewed your answers to all of these questions, take some time to reflect. Reflecting on an entire year can be enlightening in many ways. Although it is scary at first, it is an important step in growing as a person, stepping outside your comfort zone, and learning lessons that you can carry forward into the future to better yourself and the world around you.

Now, one final request. Write down three small action steps you can take beginning today to take what you have learned from your answers and create your best life this year.

Although I am encouraging you today to look back into your past, I am also encouraging you to make this a one-time exercise. From today on, live in the present moment where all good things await.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Three Ways to Conquer Self-Doubt

Our bodies and minds are programmed to protect us from danger. While this is an important human characteristic when hiking in bear country or escaping from a burning building, this caveperson mindset can also hold us back from taking normal, calculated risks in life.

Part of creating a viable game plan as you move forward through life is first determining where you want to be in the immediate future, say three or six months from now. That’s the fun part. But often what occurs after the plan is created is that paralyzing thoughts, patterns, and obstacles (sometimes imagined; sometimes real) cause indecision which leads you to become stuck, exhausted, and frustrated while treading water in a big lonely ocean and watching everyone else swim to a beautiful island where their dreams await.

Guess what? The people who are swimming not treading water aren’t any wiser than you, more courageous, or creative. They have already realized the secret to energetically moving forward toward a goal: a willingness to make mistakes and learn, to walk through their fears, and then take action steps every day that gets them to where they want to go.

So what can you begin doing today to conquer your self-doubt and stop treading water? Grab a journal or notebook and begin documenting your thoughts related to the following:

1. Identify and break down your habit (yes, habit) of hesitation. How do you feel and act when you are in hesitation mode and treading water (Frantic? Overwhelmed? Angry?)? What are you overthinking and why? Why is it important for you to be perfect and never make mistakes or fail?

2. Pinpoint your fears. Why are you procrastinating? What are your behaviors / emotions when you procrastinate? What is your biggest fear? Does this fear really matter in the end? If so, how can you tackle this fear?

3. Identify what is holding you back. Why do you feel helpless? Why are you making one excuse after the other, perhaps even playing the victim sometimes? In what ways can you take back control of your life and goals, listen to your gut, and not depend on others to tell you what to do?

Now, write down three action steps you can take, starting tomorrow, that propel you forward into better days. This useful practice isn’t just a one-time exercise. Taking small steps every day toward a bigger goal leads to perseverance through obstacles, confident behavior, and ultimately, success.

Go after it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Are You Living in the Past, the Future, or the Present?

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future,

focus on living fully in the present.” ―Roy T. Bennett

There are three ways to live life. One is to constantly return to the past where we seize the opportunity to identify our regrets, relive our mistakes, and question why we have had to endure challenges.

The second is to live in the future where we seemingly believe that if we gaze into an imagined crystal ball, we can somehow predict everything that is going to happen to us, even when we know deep inside that life is more often unpredictable than not.

Finally, we can choose to live in the present, where we are mindfully aware that we are most content when we embrace every moment with wonderment, gratitude, and curiosity.

While it is sometimes helpful to return to the past to heal old wounds or identify learning lessons to take forward in a positive way, or to temporarily look into the future in order to set attainable goals or pinpoint how to align ourselves with our best life, living in the present invites us to journey to a place of acceptance where we openly welcome all that life brings, both good and bad, while knowing that with each experience, we are provided with an opportunity to learn and become better versions of ourselves.

As terrific as that idea sounds, it can seem like a daunting task, especially when we have been living in either the past or the future for some time. So what can we do to make this task become more effortless?

First, practice becoming mindfully aware of when you are expending unnecessary energy to return to the past to beat yourself up or attempting to imagine a future that has not unfolded.

When you realize you are living in the past or future, gently bring your mind back to the here and now. Look around you. Really see everything: your family members, the flowers in your garden, or your pets. Identify one thing to be grateful for right now. Breathe.

Lastly, think of an easy phrase that allows you to bring yourself back to the present whenever you find yourself living elsewhere. That phrase could be, “Here and now,” or “Stay focused,” or “Be present.” Repeat this phrase several times until you feel yourself right here, right now, in this moment.

If you find yourself living in the past or the future, remember that you are not alone. Everyone deals with this challenge at some point in their lives. With that said, it is important to note that the most content people have developed and then incorporated a consistent daily practice that promotes a “be here now” mindset.

Be patient with yourself as you begin this practice. Even the best habits take time to implement. You are here to learn and grow. By implementing this disciplined practice, you are doing just that.

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“Sometimes what a person needs is not a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.” —Unknown

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Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Learning to Set Boundaries and Create a New Plan in a Post-COVID World

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”–Napoleon Hill

The events of the past year have transformed our lives in many ways we could have never imagined. Most have had to reluctantly isolate from loved ones, friends, and co-workers in order to keep them safe. Some have had to find a way to care for their children and ensure they were properly home-schooled while simultaneously working from home. Others have had to say goodbye to loved ones who sadly could not live to see a vaccine and brighter days.

The challenges, at times, have seemed insurmountable. Yet despite the many obstacles that have been placed in front of each of us, no matter how different, we have all been provided with the opportunity to learn about ourselves, what is important to us, and what we want for our futures.

Now as the world slowly begins to reopen, we are being provided with yet another opportunity to take what we have learned and utilize it to set boundaries and create a plan that ensures long-term contentment from this point forward.

Think of yourself as a seed that has been planted deep beneath the Earth for the past year. As you slowly stretch to reach the light above, now is the time to decide how you want to grow and bloom to become the best version of yourself. Below are a few introspective questions to ask yourself as you begin to immerse yourself into the world:

• What would I like to take from this experience and use for good as I emerge into the light?

• What (or who) do I need to learn to say no to?

• How can I better understand my limits?

• What boundaries do I need to put in place before I move any further down this path?

• Who do I want to surround myself with?

• How can I continue to care for myself and slow down, just as I did during the pandemic?

• How can I be here now, not the past or the future, and live with less anxiety and more confidence?

• Do I want to be someone others want me to be or to be a more authentic version of myself?

• How do I ultimately want to present myself to the world … today and always? 

Every day, our lives are filled with choices that come with consequences, good or bad. During the past year, we all had to make decisions that were not easy. Some provided wonderful benefits; others came with consequences that were less than desirable. The good news is we learned that we are strong, that love is what matters, and that we have more control over our mindset than we ever imagined.

You have a choice today as to how you want to grow, bloom, and leave your mark in humanity’s garden. All you have to do is look within for the answers.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Mindfulness Practice – Loving Yourself First

As Valentine’s Day quickly approaches in a year when celebrations are looked upon differently, some of us may sigh in annoyance at this love-focused holiday while others may look forward to celebrating with flowers, candy, or a romantic dinner.

While it is of value to celebrate our relationships with others and let them know how much we appreciate them, it is even more important to place ourselves at the top of the list of those we love. Unfortunately, we often berate ourselves silently, telling ourselves that we are not deserving of happiness, that we are stupid, that we lack talent, or that we don’t have the capacity to make good decisions. Yet there is one all-knowing truth that we should remember, no matter what our challenges are while living in a world that often feels out of control. That truth is this:

We have complete control over our thoughts and actions.

With this truth in mind, today’s mindfulness practice is focused on providing an exercise that will help you incorporate some behaviors and thoughts that remind you that it is you who is in control.

Stand in front of a mirror with a paper and pen near you. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Now open your eyes again and view yourself like a friend would.

What do you see that is good?

Now write down your positive observations (i.e., “I see a person who has endured many struggles and has come out stronger as a result” or “I see a woman who has somehow managed to muster the motivation to lose 10 pounds, despite living in quarantine for months”).

Next, write down what you love about yourself (i.e., I love my strong arms or I love my heart or I love my intellect).

Now, draw a circle and write “I Am” inside.

Outside of the circle, write the positive words that best describe you (one word descriptions only) (i.e., strong, determined, generous, caring, free-spirited, loving). Keep writing until you have fully described yourself. Draw an arrow from the circle to each word.

Once you have identified all your positive attributes, hang the paper on your mirror. Read it every morning and evening. Celebrate all you have been, all you are today, and all you will be in the future.

We are what we tell ourselves. This practice reminds us how special we are and, most importantly, how deserving we are of life’s greatest gift: unconditional love.

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.” ―Steve Maraboli

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.