Embracing Your Imperfections

In fifteenth century Japan, it has been told that when a shogun sent a damaged tea bowl back to China to be repaired, it was returned with large metal staples that held the cracks together. Fascinated by the technique (although not visually appealing), the Japanese soon developed the art of kintsugi. 

The technique quickly transformed from bulky staples to first using lacquer to glue the joints and then painting the cracks with gold powder. Kintsugi became even more popular after the Great East Japan Earthquake in 2011 when many beautiful ceramic pieces were damaged. Now, it is not uncommon to hear of artists who will purposely break ceramic bowls and other pottery to create artistic pieces.

There is a philosophy behind Kintsugi. It teaches artists and humankind the beauty of embracing imperfections and flaws as well as the fragility of life itself.

Although we are not inanimate objects, we are living, breathing beings who all have imperfections and flaws. Our cracks tell a beautiful story of our challenges, our perseverance through those challenges, and our unique journeys through life. 

We have a saying in my house when one of us is navigating through a difficult time or feeling a little beaten up by the world.

Fill your cracks with gold.

These five words provide a gentle reminder that accepting our flaws can be a wonderful accompaniment to personal growth.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that we aren’t working on being better people every day. 

Acceptance means that we know we are imperfect, and love ourselves unconditionally anyway.

Fill your cracks with gold.

You are truly beautiful when you do.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in the Midwest who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Small Changes Produce Big Results

“A slight change in your daily habits can guide your life to a very different destination.” —James Clear

It’s a new day filled with new possibilities. Today’s reflective question is:

What habit, that you have been consistently relying on lately,

is not producing ideal results for you?

Take a moment to wonder what your life might be like if you tweaked this habit or replaced it with one that might better lead you to where you need to be.

Write every detail of this habit on a notepad. Revise it or rewrite it until you feel good when you read it. Instigate this habit into your routine for at least two weeks. Pay attention to how you feel when you incorporate this habit into your daily routine.

In two weeks, review the results. If you feel better with this habit as part of your day, keep going. If not, tweak the habit again if need be.

Feasible habits lead you to where you want to be in life. By consistently incorporating habits into your daily routine, it is possible to find joy, fulfillment, and peace.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Today's Mindfulness Message

Do you want to live in the here and now rather than the past or the future?

Ask yourself: Where am I?

Answer: Here.

Ask yourself: What time is it?

Answer: Now.

Say it until you can hear it.

—Ram Dass

As often as possible, rely on this quote to bring your mind back to the present moment.

It’s as simple as that.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Seeing Others as Lights

When we light a candle, sometimes the flame burns bright and strong and casts a beautiful glow around a room. Other times, a soft breeze is just enough to cause the flame to flicker or even go out.

Every day, strangers, acquaintances, and those we love dearly cross our paths in one form or another. What if we chose to view these strangers, acquaintances, co-workers, spouses or partners, and children as lights instead?

When using the candle visualization, it allows our perception of each person to change slightly, and perhaps in a more empathetic manner.

Some lights in this world may be burning brightly. These are the people that are in a good place. In this moment, their flame is strong.

Other lights may be flickering or dimming. These are the people that are facing challenges, but are doing their best to overcome them.

Sadly, other lights may have completely gone out. These are the people who are burdened, struggling, and have potentially surrendered to the challenges of life.

Each of these lights (or people) we encounter, depending on the brightness of their flame, need us to interact with them accordingly. While we can’t always know for certain if a flame is dimming or has gone out, we can ask one question that allow us to learn more if we sense something is amiss.

How are you really?

This question will allow you to see whether this light seemingly lost hope that they will ever cast a beautiful glow around a room or into the world. Really listen to the answer. Sometimes that’s all a light needs to reignite. Provide encouragement. Tell them you believe in them. Give them hope. Offer to connect them with a professional who can help if necessary.

When lighting candles on a birthday cake, sometimes we use a candle that is already lit to light the other candles. In this case, using your flame to light another’s may just save a moment, a day, or even a life.

Be that candle.

“You are the light of the world when your compassion radiates and pervades the world.” –Amit Ray

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

If you or anyone you know needs help, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed professional.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Confidently Move Forward into a New Year with Purpose

As we move into a new year, it can be very beneficial to reflect on the previous year’s accomplishments and lessons before determining how you want to move forward this year.

When thinking about what you achieved and didn’t achieve in the last year, it is important to ask yourself a well-rounded set of questions that not only explore your wins and lessons learned, but also help you find a direction forward:

What have I accomplished this year that I am most proud of? This question can be difficult for some people for mainly one reason. We are reluctant to talk about our accomplishments for fear of sounding boastful or arrogant. Today, this question is just for you, and your answer is just for you to see. In your journal write five things you achieved in the last year that made you feel good. Really good. It doesn’t have to be a major project or milestone or an achievement worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize. Maybe you stood up for yourself for the first time ever. Maybe you helped a friend through a challenging time. Perhaps you faced a big fear and conquered it, one step at a time. Documenting your accomplishments and reviewing them reminds you of all the great things you achieve every year without realizing it.

What is one thing I wish I could have achieved last year that I didn’t? This is not an opportunity for you to beat yourself up. This is an opportunity for you to be honest with yourself. Did you really want to achieve this one thing or did you want to achieve it to please others? If you didn’t achieve it, what do you think were the things standing in your way? If you still want to achieve this one thing, how do you think you can better overcome the obstacles standing in your way this year? In your journal, write your way over the either perceived or true obstacles and find a new direction. You can do it.

Who in my life is holding me back from pursuing my dreams? Hmm, tough question, right? The answer may come to you right away or it may take a while. The person may be someone in your inner circle who is constantly telling you that your dream is unattainable or it may be … gasp … you. Are you standing in your own way? How are you talking to yourself? Are you saying, “Forget it. There’s no way you can do this.” Or are you saying, “I will find a way. It may take me a while, but I will do it.” How you talk to yourself after an encounter with a dream crusher or your own inner-critic is a critical element to whether or not you will succeed in achieving your dreams.

What lessons did I learn in the last year? This is a loaded question, but one that is empowering. We are all here to learn. What valuable lessons did the universe place in front of you for you to carry forward in a positive way? Write at least three in your journal. Some examples might be, “I learned to speak my truth and be more authentic in all my conversations” or “I learned that I don’t know it all,” or “I learned that I deserve more in my career and that it’s okay to explore new opportunities.” Think of three experiences that proved to be challenging for you and then identify a lesson learned. It’s a powerful exercise.

Once you have formulated and reviewed your answers to all of these questions, take some time to reflect. Reflecting on an entire year can be enlightening in many ways. Although it is scary at first, it is an important step in growing as a person, stepping outside your comfort zone, and learning lessons that you can carry forward into the future to better yourself and the world around you.

Now, one final request. Write down three small action steps you can take beginning today to take what you have learned from your answers and create your best life this year.

Although I am encouraging you today to look back into your past, I am also encouraging you to make this a one-time exercise. From today on, live in the present moment where all good things await.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Journal to Know Yourself Better

Although the process of journaling can be an incredibly powerful way to incorporate positive change in your life, studies reveal that only 8% of the population currently journals. Although others around you (or you) may have journaled in the past, you may have never thought of journaling as a way to work through obstacles, let go of limiting beliefs, and to express emotions in a different way. So what is journaling and what are the benefits?

It’s important to note that your journal should not be a place where you complain. Instead, it should be a safe place, free from judgment, that allows you to view your life from a different perspective and creates awareness. When you write what you feel, you allow yourself to feel everything—the first step to finding a clear path through challenging situations, growing and developing personally, and transforming your mindset.

As Lee Wise once said, “Journaling is paying attention to the inside for the purpose of living well from the inside out.”

According to two studies conducted in 2022, time spent journaling can reduce the number of sick days we take off work, help us better understand our needs, and boost our overall well-being that includes lower blood pressure and improved lung and liver function. Additionally, journaling can reduce anxiety, regulate emotions, and decrease mental stress that includes obsessive thinking and worrying.

There are many different ways to journal. I have journaled since age eight. Over the years, the way I journal has transformed, right along with me.

These days, I journal in a way that works well for me at this time in my life. Every morning before the sun rises and before I do anything else, I head to my kitchen table where my journal awaits. I light a candle and begin my daily practice that includes an inspiring quote I find online, my intention for the day, and three things I am grateful for. Sometimes I write more; sometimes I don’t. This current practice has worked well for me for about four years, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t revise it or tweak this practice down the road. In past years, I have written pages every day in my journal, and may do that again in the future. For example, one year when I celebrated a big birthday, I documented valuable life lessons, one for every year I have lived. During another stretch of time, I created three words every morning that I wanted to describe my day ahead.

I am giving you permission today to make this practice your own. It doesn’t have to be perfect. The comforting news is that your journal is yours. This is the one place where you can be honest with yourself, give yourself unconditional love, and learn more about yourself every day. Keep it in a safe place and designate someone you trust to care for them (or confidentially dispose of them) when you depart Earth.

If you’ve never journaled before, you may struggle with how to get started. Here are a few sample journaling prompts that may help:

What is the best thing that has happened to me today?

How have I grown today?

What have I learned today?

Who have I helped today?

Who helped me today?

What is my biggest fear?

What is one step I can take today to begin alleviating that fear?

Who do I want to be tomorrow?

What do I want to learn tomorrow?

Who do I want to help tomorrow?

Note that each prompt is focused on growth, action, and self-love. This is the mindset you want to strive for when journaling.

I think Brad Wilcox said it best when describing journaling, “A personal journal is an ideal environment in which to “become.” It is a perfect place for you to think, feel, discover, expand, remember, and dream.”

I like to compare the process of journaling to soaring like an eagle over your life, viewing it from above to see things in a new way. Through consistent daily practice, journaling provides a way for you to attain serenity and become all you imagine for yourself and more.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Begin Creating Lasting Positive Change

How are you caring for yourself today?

Did this question make you stop and think about yourself for a change? Most of us tend to put others before ourselves (our boss, our children, our partner or our spouse). But what about you? What you are doing today to care for yourself? If you can’t think of one thing, then it’s definitely time to reexamine your life and your habits. It is not wrong to think of yourself first. In fact, it is healthy to think of yourself first.

Creating positive change in your life doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, dedication, and perseverance to determine the best path forward. Below is one practice, if relied on consistently, can transform your mindset and life.

Find gratitude for three things every day.

There are many positive benefits of implementing a consistent gratitude practice into each day.

According to the Mayo Clinic, the benefits of a daily gratitude practice can improve sleep, mood, and immunity. Being thankful can also decrease depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and risk of disease.

With such obvious amazing benefits, it’s hard to believe that so many do not make this practice an important part of their day.

This does not have to be a complicated practice, or one that you dread. This will become a more natural practice after you’ve been doing it for a while.

It doesn’t matter what time of day you find time to be thankful. Instead, find a time that works best for you and then focus on consistency. Your time might be first thing in the morning. Or for someone else, it might be right before going to sleep at night. Others might want to identify three things they’re thankful for during their lunch hour or when their children are taking a nap.

The things you find you are grateful for are often the simplest gifts life offers (and rarely material items). It might be someone who made you smile, or held a door open for you, or slowed down so you could merge into their lane. It might be your first sip of coffee in the morning, or a beautiful sunrise, or a hug from a friend, or a great review from your boss. It might be your past experiences for they helped you grow into who you are today. Everyone’s list is different, but equally as important and valuable to their mental health.

If you don’t want to keep a journal or notebook, then there are other ways to practice gratitude.

Keep a gratitude jar. Every day, write down three things you’re grateful for on a slip of paper and drop it into the jar. Whenever you need a boost, choose a paper from the jar and read it.

Find a memento and keep it with you every day. It might be a bracelet or necklace or a tiny rock in your pocket. When you touch it, silently say three things you are grateful for.

No matter which practice you choose, make it your own and then believe in its power to slowly transform your life and attitude. As Mary Davis once said, “The more grateful I am, the more beauty I see.” Are you ready to see more beauty?

Now I have one more ask of you today. Repeat this phrase three times either out loud or to yourself:

I have a blessed life.

Pay attention to how this makes you feel after you repeat it three times. It will bring you peace and the knowledge that life brings you exactly what you need … exactly when you need it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

The Top Ten Career Lessons

While navigating through decades of different professional roles over a lifetime, we can often feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and that a variety of outside factors are controlling our lives and career paths. Yet with experience comes valuable lessons that, if carried forward in a positive way, can make us feel empowered, fulfilled, and positive about the future.

Lesson 1: Watch for red flags (and trust them). During job interviews or while working in a role, we may see red flags that provide us with an uncomfortable feeling that something isn’t right for us. Unfortunately, we often push down this feeling and tell ourselves, “You can muddle through this,” or “That can’t be right,” or “I’ll just ignore it. It’s not a big deal.” Trust these red flags. They are life’s way of guiding you away from situations or people that do not align you with your best life.

Lesson 2: Rely on your intuition / gut feelings to guide your decisions. When facing a choice in life as to which direction to go, sit in a quiet room away from all distractions and influences from others and ask yourself, “What do I really want for myself here?” Then pay attention to the feeling in your gut while you are contemplating your options. If you feel excited about an option, that is your intuition telling you it’s right for you. If you feel dread, that is your intuition telling you to find a different way forward. Believe your intuition. It rarely lies.

Lesson 3: Know that you control your professional destiny. Don’t surrender your power over your career and professional destiny to someone else. While interviewing, be curious and know that you have the power to make a good decision for yourself. Before you walk in the door, know what will make you happy. Ask good questions and pay attention to the answers. While in a role, don’t ignore feelings that something is going on behind the scenes. If you sense there are big changes ahead, remember that you control whether you stay or go. Don’t wait for something to happen. Update your resume. Talk to a career coach. Begin networking. Always be looking for the next great opportunity.

Lesson 4: Seek professional chemistry. Interviewing is like dating. Just like when searching for a great life partner, you should be seeking great professional chemistry with a hiring manager. If it’s not there, it’s not there. Are you going to be happy if you don’t have a connection with your superior? Are you going to be happy if you can’t trust him or her? Will you be able to be honest and communicate effectively to accomplish great things together? Are you going to be fulfilled if your superior doesn’t have your back? Chemistry is important. Keep searching until you find it.

Lesson 5: Avoid settling. Confidence is an incredibly important factor in attaining professional success and accomplishing great things in life. Settling for less than you deserve will not help you or those you work with. Knowing what you want (before interviewing) and then making confident decisions will propel you forward into your best life. Great decisions do not ever come from a place of desperation. Don’t settle. You deserve better.

Lesson 6: Keep learning. Your education doesn’t stop when you earn a degree, a certificate, or a license. Be a lifelong student who embraces the idea that it’s never too late to refine a skill or learn a new concept. Learn from those around you. Everyone has something to teach. Everyone has something to learn.

Lesson 7: Step outside your comfort zone. Life begins outside the comfort zone. Take it one day at a time. Every day, do something (it doesn’t have to be a big thing) that makes you feel a little uncomfortable. These experiences provide the best lessons. Live without regret. Be open to new adventures. Recognize your fears and then take one baby step every day toward addressing those fears.

Lesson 8: Empower others to be the best versions of themselves. You are not just here on Earth for yourself. You are here for others as well. You probably remember one piece of advice or words of encouragement that you received long ago that changed everything for you. Be that person for someone else. Tell them how proud you are of them. Tell them when they do a good job. Support them through a challenge. When you empower others to be the best versions of themselves, you also become the best version of yourself.

Lesson 9: Be honest with yourself about what you want / need. You are the expert of your own life. Not your parents, your friends, your co-workers, or your boss. Make a list of professional wants and needs. Hang it where you can see it every day. Work toward checking off every item on the list. The more wants and needs you can fulfill, the happier you will be.

Lesson 10: Listen to understand, not reply. Actively listening is a skill you should be refining your entire life. You owe it to yourself and those around you to pay attention. If you have trouble focusing during a conversation, take notes. Circle things that you want to address once the person is done talking. Be in the present moment. Listening intently is a form of kindness. Be kind and respectful by taking the time to really listen.

Your career is yours and yours alone. Don’t sacrifice your happiness. Take time to make good decisions for yourself, keep learning, listen to the red flags and your gut, and listen to and respect those around you. Then teach what you have learned to empower others to believe in themselves, their unique professional paths, and all they have to offer the world.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Staying Present through Five Questions

It’s a struggle most of us face every day—to be fully present in every moment. Because the average person has between 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts racing through their mind from when they first awaken to when they close their eyes at night, staying present can seem like a daunting task. Despite these challenges, it is possible to live in the here and now as often as we can.

“The ability to be in the present moment is a major component of mental wellness.”

—Abraham Maslow

There are several ways to train our minds to stay in the present that include meditation, journaling, yoga, and prayer. Yet sometimes we are not in a place where it is effective to utilize these practices.

The practice detailed below, easily implemented anywhere, can help you rely on the five senses to gently move your mind back into the present moment.

When you feel yourself living in the past or the future, stop what you are doing and ask yourself the following five questions.

In this moment ….

What do I hear? (this may be the sound of birds chirping, the clicking of your fingers on a computer keyboard, or a car speeding past)

What do I see? (this may be photos on a wall, your co-workers, or a flickering candle)

What do I smell? (this could be coffee brewing, the fresh air after a rain, or dinner on the stove)

What can I touch? (this may be your steering wheel, a stress ball on your desk, or the skin on the top of your hand)

What do I taste? (this may be a piece of candy in your mouth, the coffee you’re sipping, or the meal you are eating)

As you ask yourself these questions, pay attention to your breathing. As it slows, take notice of how your mind is gradually moving into a place of calm and peace. If you feel your thoughts drifting again, gently ease your mind back to the present by intently paying attention what you are hearing, seeing, smelling, touching, and tasting in every moment.

Learning to be present through these five questions can be a powerful practice that can guide you to consistently feeling more peaceful, fulfilled, and happy.

You don’t have to be perfect in life, just present.

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.

Make the Now the primary focus of your life.”

—Eckhart Tolle

This post is original content, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Calm the Nervous System with This One Simple Practice

During times of chaos or stress, our nervous systems are programmed to go into overdrive. This reaction to stress first began thousands of years ago when humans needed to anticipate threats in order to survive in harsh environments.

In today’s world, stress, and its effects on the nervous system, can cause a host of health problems including high blood pressure, tense muscles, a weakened immune system, anxiety, and addictive behaviors—unless we are able to incorporate regular practices that keep us calm, even during difficult times.

Below is a three-step simple process that can be performed anywhere and anytime. This practice is easy to remember, easy to implement, and has fabulous results:

Step 1: Recognize when you are becoming overwhelmed or stressed. Physical symptoms can be a rapid heartbeat, a cold sweat, irritability, or eye twitching.

Step 2: Once you are aware that you need to calm your nervous system, close your eyes and imagine yourself floating in a pool on your back. You can hear the world around you, but it is muffled like when your ears fill with water. Breathe deeply, in through your nostrils and out through your mouth. Do this 10 times while still imagining yourself floating in a pool.

Step 3: Imagine the best possible outcome to the current situation you’re facing. Now repeat to yourself three times, “I will be okay no matter what.” Open your eyes.

It’s no secret that life is hard. The trick to staying calm is practicing awareness and then incorporating simple exercises that help us live in the moment, have hope, and know that we will survive.

This post is original content, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.