The Top Ten Career Lessons

While navigating through decades of different professional roles over a lifetime, we can often feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and that a variety of outside factors are controlling our lives and career paths. Yet with experience comes valuable lessons that, if carried forward in a positive way, can make us feel empowered, fulfilled, and positive about the future.

Lesson 1: Watch for red flags (and trust them). During job interviews or while working in a role, we may see red flags that provide us with an uncomfortable feeling that something isn’t right for us. Unfortunately, we often push down this feeling and tell ourselves, “You can muddle through this,” or “That can’t be right,” or “I’ll just ignore it. It’s not a big deal.” Trust these red flags. They are life’s way of guiding you away from situations or people that do not align you with your best life.

Lesson 2: Rely on your intuition / gut feelings to guide your decisions. When facing a choice in life as to which direction to go, sit in a quiet room away from all distractions and influences from others and ask yourself, “What do I really want for myself here?” Then pay attention to the feeling in your gut while you are contemplating your options. If you feel excited about an option, that is your intuition telling you it’s right for you. If you feel dread, that is your intuition telling you to find a different way forward. Believe your intuition. It rarely lies.

Lesson 3: Know that you control your professional destiny. Don’t surrender your power over your career and professional destiny to someone else. While interviewing, be curious and know that you have the power to make a good decision for yourself. Before you walk in the door, know what will make you happy. Ask good questions and pay attention to the answers. While in a role, don’t ignore feelings that something is going on behind the scenes. If you sense there are big changes ahead, remember that you control whether you stay or go. Don’t wait for something to happen. Update your resume. Talk to a career coach. Begin networking. Always be looking for the next great opportunity.

Lesson 4: Seek professional chemistry. Interviewing is like dating. Just like when searching for a great life partner, you should be seeking great professional chemistry with a hiring manager. If it’s not there, it’s not there. Are you going to be happy if you don’t have a connection with your superior? Are you going to be happy if you can’t trust him or her? Will you be able to be honest and communicate effectively to accomplish great things together? Are you going to be fulfilled if your superior doesn’t have your back? Chemistry is important. Keep searching until you find it.

Lesson 5: Avoid settling. Confidence is an incredibly important factor in attaining professional success and accomplishing great things in life. Settling for less than you deserve will not help you or those you work with. Knowing what you want (before interviewing) and then making confident decisions will propel you forward into your best life. Great decisions do not ever come from a place of desperation. Don’t settle. You deserve better.

Lesson 6: Keep learning. Your education doesn’t stop when you earn a degree, a certificate, or a license. Be a lifelong student who embraces the idea that it’s never too late to refine a skill or learn a new concept. Learn from those around you. Everyone has something to teach. Everyone has something to learn.

Lesson 7: Step outside your comfort zone. Life begins outside the comfort zone. Take it one day at a time. Every day, do something (it doesn’t have to be a big thing) that makes you feel a little uncomfortable. These experiences provide the best lessons. Live without regret. Be open to new adventures. Recognize your fears and then take one baby step every day toward addressing those fears.

Lesson 8: Empower others to be the best versions of themselves. You are not just here on Earth for yourself. You are here for others as well. You probably remember one piece of advice or words of encouragement that you received long ago that changed everything for you. Be that person for someone else. Tell them how proud you are of them. Tell them when they do a good job. Support them through a challenge. When you empower others to be the best versions of themselves, you also become the best version of yourself.

Lesson 9: Be honest with yourself about what you want / need. You are the expert of your own life. Not your parents, your friends, your co-workers, or your boss. Make a list of professional wants and needs. Hang it where you can see it every day. Work toward checking off every item on the list. The more wants and needs you can fulfill, the happier you will be.

Lesson 10: Listen to understand, not reply. Actively listening is a skill you should be refining your entire life. You owe it to yourself and those around you to pay attention. If you have trouble focusing during a conversation, take notes. Circle things that you want to address once the person is done talking. Be in the present moment. Listening intently is a form of kindness. Be kind and respectful by taking the time to really listen.

Your career is yours and yours alone. Don’t sacrifice your happiness. Take time to make good decisions for yourself, keep learning, listen to the red flags and your gut, and listen to and respect those around you. Then teach what you have learned to empower others to believe in themselves, their unique professional paths, and all they have to offer the world.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Step into Someone Else’s Shoes

Our world is facing new challenges. As it has been since the beginning of time, we all have our own unique and passionate opinions, viewpoints, and objectives on how to best move humanity forward into the future. Unfortunately because of these differences in how we see the world and our obstacles, many of us find ourselves unable to see or understand the perspectives of others around us. It’s a tough place to be because in order to move forward, we must be able to objectively and collaboratively work together to find a way. Perhaps the first step is to imagine ourselves as another. But this is a skill that requires discipline and practice to execute. So how do we do that?

“Never judge someone until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.”

Native American proverb

In following this idea, I recently stumbled on information about a wonderful non-profit organization while thumbing through a magazine. Since TED speaker, advocate for the broken-hearted, and blogger Hannah Brencher founded moreloveletters.com in 2011, her helper writers have sent 250,000+ letters to recipients facing a variety of personal challenges in 50 states, 73+ countries, and 100+ campuses. I was immediately intrigued. After signing up, I soon received my first email that described the nominated recipients needing to be lifted up by strangers.

Jared is a young man whose father figure died at a young age. His stepfather was often cruel to him. His family was often homeless. Yet despite his challenges, he cared for his sister by brushing her hair, taking her to parks, and making her dinner. Now he is finishing trade school and doing his best to be a good father to his first child. But Jared, who doesn’t often appreciate his accomplishments, needed encouragement, said his sister in her plea for love letters.

Moments later, I sat at my kitchen table with a pen in hand. I closed my eyes and imagined myself standing in Jared’s shoes. What was he feeling? Why was he feeling that way? What had brought him to this place in his life? What could I do to help him find his way? As I began writing in a note card I found tucked away in the desk my grandmother left me when she died, I somehow felt connected to Jared, even though we had never met. Our backgrounds were different. Our obstacles weren’t the same throughout our lifetime. Our emotions were unique to each of us. Still, fate had somehow led us to each other in that moment.

Despite our differences, I could feel his pain. I could relate to his grief for all he had never experienced and lost. I could understand his challenges. I could help him realize that he’s stronger than he ever imagined. I could give him the gift of knowing that there is someone else out in the world who wanted him to become the best version of himself, perhaps more than he wanted it right in that moment. And so I wrote.

As I stepped out of his shoes, stuffed the card into an envelope, and sent it off into the mail to Jared, I was reminded that this—this moment of understanding and unconditional love for all humankind—is what we all need to have as our luggage as we travel forward into the unknown.

Taking a moment to walk in someone else’s shoes can be a useful tool in a business setting, with friends and family, and even during passionate conversations with strangers who may not believe the same things we do. When we listen with empathy to understand the challenges and viewpoints of others, it helps us open our hearts to the possibilities of what can be if we can work together for the betterment of humanity overall.

It’s that simple. Now go forth and spread your love, empathy, and appreciation for your fellow humans. Someone needs you to walk in their shoes right now.

To become a volunteer writer or to nominate a person in need of a love letter, visit moreloveletters.com.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

The Art of Self-Discipline: The Secret to Success

When I was in first grade, my mother enrolled me in piano lessons. Every day after school, I was expected to practice my scales. I hated practicing scales more than anything, but knew that if I completed that dreaded task every afternoon, I would be allowed to play outside with my friends. Anyone who heard me playing those scales—including me—knew I would never be the stand-out star of the annual recital or a concert pianist. Still, I now understand the motivation behind my mother’s resolve to ensure I rehearsed every day. While I was learning to read and play music, she was teaching me the art of self-discipline through a daily practice.

“Motivation gets you going, but discipline keeps you going.” John C. Maxwell

Throughout your lifetime, you will come up with ideas you believe are innovative, attainable, and even impressive to those around you. As the excitement builds around each idea, you may share it with trusted friends or family members; document related goals; and begin creating a plan forward that you think will turn that idea into a reality. But then just as you’re happily barreling down the highway of possibilities, you suddenly notice that your journey is more challenging than you imagined. As you come to a screeching halt, your motivation wanes as self-doubt creeps in, leaving you feeling vulnerable, discouraged, and perhaps ready to throw in the towel.

This moment is when great leaders take notice because vulnerability like this has the potential to be transformative and promote positive change. What every great leader knows is that in this very moment, they hold the power to move forward, for this moment is when self-discipline kicks in and leads them past the possibilities and into a fulfilling reality.

“Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments.” Jim Rohn

Practicing self-discipline requires action. In this moment, you must now move from being simply a talker into being a doer by turning bad habits into disciplined daily actions that take you, one step at a time, toward fulfilling your dreams. Whether your goal is to run a marathon, start or grow a business, find a more satisfying career path, or even become the concert pianist I will never be, now is the time to implement daily, disciplined practices that will get you to where you want to go.

Today, begin assessing the daily habits that are currently holding you back from transforming your idea into reality and replace them with actions that will lead you through the discouraging and vulnerable moments to the life-changing realization that it is you who controls the outcome of every idea and, better yet, your overall destiny.

Your vision of success is waiting. Self-discipline is what will get you there.

“Without self-discipline, success is impossible, period.” Lou Holtz

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

When It’s Time to Reevaluate Your Inner Circle

Who is in Your Inner Circle?

Although we do our best every day to surround ourselves with a great group of supporters, sometimes events or situations occur that can prompt disappointment or frustration with those in our inner circle. When these feelings become consistent and hard to ignore, it is most likely a good time to reevaluate the relationship and what you are receiving from it. While none of us are perfect, sometimes there are red flags that we may choose to ignore out of fear of being alone, a belief that a person will change to please us, or the hope that one day, the person will make as much time for us as we make for them.

So, what are some powerful questions to ask yourself while reflecting on your current relationships?

1.     Am I getting what I want and/or need from this friendship/relationship on a regular basis?

2.     Is this person an energy zapper or an energy producer?

3.     Does this person have my back?

4.     Is this person honest with me?

5.     Does this relationship offer a safe place for me to be myself and for the other person to do the same?

6.     Do I feel better about myself after spending time with this person?

7.     Do I feel accepted for who I am, even when I’m having a bad day?

8.     Do our conversations feel natural, and do I feel heard in all situations and at all times without judgment?

9.     Can I trust this person with my secrets and to not talk behind my back?

10.  Does this person treat me with kindness and respect in all situations?

If, while asking yourself these important questions, you realize that the relationship is not as meaningful as you would like, it’s always a good idea to compassionately communicate your concerns to the other party and give them a chance to respond and address the issues before making any decisions. In the end, it is up to us to protect ourselves from unhealthy or toxic relationships and surround ourselves with a good support system that boosts us to confidently move forward in life knowing we are unconditionally loved and accepted.

No matter how hard we try to avoid ending relationships that don’t work for us anymore, it is always a good idea to step back, ponder all interactions, and then if necessary, accept that if it is time to move in a different and separate direction, it will be a good decision for you. After all, it is not until we walk away from relationships that do not serve us anymore that we can become open to receiving new relationships that do.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Three Steps to Successfully Move Toward a Calling

The findings from a recent Gallup survey may not be a surprise to many of us: only 13% of employees worldwide are engaged in their jobs. It’s an eye-opening statistic that may prompt some of us to wonder whether we have all become robotic in our job duties, bored with the mundane, unappreciated by our superiors, or even more importantly, whether it is time to find our calling in life.

Stephen Hawking lived 55 years longer than expected after being diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease at age 21. It is well-known that Hawking loved creating scientific theories, solving complex problems, and teaching mathematics to enthusiastic students. He had truly found his calling. Could it be that pursuing our calling gives us a reason to wake up every day, even in the most challenging of circumstances? It’s an interesting theory that even Stephen Hawking might appreciate.

Finding a calling—a meaning for your life that fulfills a higher purpose—is probably the main request our persistent and sometimes loud inner voice makes on a regular basis. A calling or purpose is the one thing our souls, hearts, and minds regularly crave, and the one thing that keeps us going when all we want to do is give up. But finding a calling is not as easy as it sounds and often doesn’t happen as quickly as we’d like. It requires deep soul-searching, a roadmap for success, and an accountability partner who can help us identify a clear direction and then stay on track once we start a journey to achieve our dreams. So what can you do right now to successfully move toward your calling? Here are three steps that will get you on your way:

Step #1:

Transform your thinking and begin believing in yourself and your unique abilities.

Oftentimes, others believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. Breaking old thought patterns can be challenging. It requires consistent and positive self-talk that overrides negativity when it creeps in. When you notice the thoughts, gently say to yourself, “Stop, Look, and Listen.” Stop the thoughts. Look for the positive. Listen to your optimistic inner-voice. 

Step #2:

Remember that everything meaningful and important in life starts with three words: It is possible.

When you were a child, you may have thought you couldn’t ride a bike—until someone told you that you could. Now it’s up to you to tell yourself everything you need to know. Once you learn to replace the words, “I can’t do this,” with “It is possible,” you’ll be amazed at what you can do. Try it.

Step #3:

Embrace the fact that every sunrise offers the opportunity for a new beginning.

No matter what happened yesterday on your journey, today brings new opportunities, ideas, and adventures. You will never be able to move forward into the future if you are always looking behind you and admonishing yourself for the mistakes of your past. Embrace every second of right now. Breathe the air, watch the sunrise, and welcome the potential that every day brings.

Stephen Hawking defied seemingly insurmountable odds to leave an incredible mark on the world. He became a world-renowned theoretical physicist as well as a husband and father, despite his physical challenges. What do you think kept him going during the worst of times? His calling. Now go find yours.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients, both local and nationwide, to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Five Important Life Lessons I Learned from My First Job

I had just turned sixteen when I accepted a job as a server at Coco’s Famous Hamburgers restaurant. The now defunct restaurant chain had a loyal following of customers who wanted not just delicious food, but also outstanding service. Unfortunately, I was a tremendously shy teenager, not necessarily a good attribute for someone who had to greet hundreds of hungry strangers as part of her job duties.

Needless to say, my foray into waitressing was rough. Once my arms and hands were shaking so bad from nerves that I inadvertently dropped four plates of famous hamburgers right into the laps of four ravenous guests. Once I slipped on a puddle of water and fell, with a large sundae in each hand, straight onto the hard floor in front of a waiting line of customers. Fortunately I was desperate enough for money so I could put gas into my 1973 Chevrolet Bel-Air that I persevered through my first few weeks, all while managing to avoid being fired.

Throughout the next three years, I learned many valuable lessons that I carried forward into my career and life. Decades later, I still benefit from the below lessons that taught me much more about myself and life in general than I ever imagined:

1. Practice makes perfect. At first, I admit I wasn’t a great server. In fact, I was pretty darn bad. I made mistakes, dropped plates, and delivered food to the wrong table. Yet through it all, there was one thing I knew for sure: I could do that job if I just focused on being better, one day at a time. So I did and then one day, everything just clicked. I delivered piping hot food to the right tables, cranked out delicious malts from the malt machine, and kept my footing even on the wettest of floors

2. Never give up. There were times, especially in the beginning, when giving up was an attractive option. Being a server is one of the hardest, least appreciated professions. Still, I persevered through the bad days, all while keeping my focus on the good days. I learned new ways of doing things, kept looking forward, and developed great friendships with my co-workers. There was one thing I knew for sure: Quitting wasn’t an option because I was transforming my weaknesses into strengths every day.

3. Failure is part of success. I’ll never forget the night that a foursome came into the restaurant. They had a plane to catch and were in a hurry. They all ordered fried chicken, a dish that took 40 minutes to cook. I notified them of the wait. What I didn’t realize is that I had inadvertently left the ticket in my pocket and hadn’t submitted it to the cook. An hour later, the customers were livid, late for their plane, and I was in trouble. From that point forward, I always double-checked my pocket to ensure I hadn’t forgotten to submit an order. As I navigated through that failure and many later failures, there was one thing I knew for sure: We all make mistakes. What is important is to learn from them.

4. There are more good people than bad in the world. Being a teenager comes with lots of insecurities. Although I waited on a few customers who were angry and rude, I waited on many more who were kind and thoughtful. One morning, I waited on two guests who were quiet yet respectful. I didn’t think I did anything extraordinary. Yet when the guests finished their meal, they left me—a pretty dorky teenager at the time—a generous tip along with a handwritten note that said, “They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. If that is true, then you must have a beautiful soul.” That note touched me so much that I still have it today. From that moment on, there was one thing I knew for sure: It only takes a minute to positively impact someone’s life with kind words or a thoughtful gesture.

5. A smile goes a long way. A smile is a powerful tool. As a server, I held that power every time I put on my uniform and showed up for work. We all have bad days where we want to throw in the towel and live on a deserted island. Still, it doesn’t seem fair to transfer that momentary unhappiness onto a random stranger, does it? Throughout all the hundreds of days that I greeted and helped strangers fill their empty stomachs, there was one thing I knew for sure: Smiling provided happiness not just for me, but for everyone who crossed my path.

In reflecting on our first jobs and every job we have held since then, it can be enlightening to think about what important lessons we learned from each experience. In our lifetimes, some professional roles will be challenging, others will be easy, and some may prompt us to question every decision we have ever made. But if we focus on taking the positive lessons with us—the kind that help us grow professionally and personally—then it allows us to move forward and become better employees, managers, or entrepreneurs in the future.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.