Seeing Others as Lights

When we light a candle, sometimes the flame burns bright and strong and casts a beautiful glow around a room. Other times, a soft breeze is just enough to cause the flame to flicker or even go out.

Every day, strangers, acquaintances, and those we love dearly cross our paths in one form or another. What if we chose to view these strangers, acquaintances, co-workers, spouses or partners, and children as lights instead?

When using the candle visualization, it allows our perception of each person to change slightly, and perhaps in a more empathetic manner.

Some lights in this world may be burning brightly. These are the people that are in a good place. In this moment, their flame is strong.

Other lights may be flickering or dimming. These are the people that are facing challenges, but are doing their best to overcome them.

Sadly, other lights may have completely gone out. These are the people who are burdened, struggling, and have potentially surrendered to the challenges of life.

Each of these lights (or people) we encounter, depending on the brightness of their flame, need us to interact with them accordingly. While we can’t always know for certain if a flame is dimming or has gone out, we can ask one question that allow us to learn more if we sense something is amiss.

How are you really?

This question will allow you to see whether this light seemingly lost hope that they will ever cast a beautiful glow around a room or into the world. Really listen to the answer. Sometimes that’s all a light needs to reignite. Provide encouragement. Tell them you believe in them. Give them hope. Offer to connect them with a professional who can help if necessary.

When lighting candles on a birthday cake, sometimes we use a candle that is already lit to light the other candles. In this case, using your flame to light another’s may just save a moment, a day, or even a life.

Be that candle.

“You are the light of the world when your compassion radiates and pervades the world.” –Amit Ray

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

If you or anyone you know needs help, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed professional.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Calm the Nervous System with This One Simple Practice

During times of chaos or stress, our nervous systems are programmed to go into overdrive. This reaction to stress first began thousands of years ago when humans needed to anticipate threats in order to survive in harsh environments.

In today’s world, stress, and its effects on the nervous system, can cause a host of health problems including high blood pressure, tense muscles, a weakened immune system, anxiety, and addictive behaviors—unless we are able to incorporate regular practices that keep us calm, even during difficult times.

Below is a three-step simple process that can be performed anywhere and anytime. This practice is easy to remember, easy to implement, and has fabulous results:

Step 1: Recognize when you are becoming overwhelmed or stressed. Physical symptoms can be a rapid heartbeat, a cold sweat, irritability, or eye twitching.

Step 2: Once you are aware that you need to calm your nervous system, close your eyes and imagine yourself floating in a pool on your back. You can hear the world around you, but it is muffled like when your ears fill with water. Breathe deeply, in through your nostrils and out through your mouth. Do this 10 times while still imagining yourself floating in a pool.

Step 3: Imagine the best possible outcome to the current situation you’re facing. Now repeat to yourself three times, “I will be okay no matter what.” Open your eyes.

It’s no secret that life is hard. The trick to staying calm is practicing awareness and then incorporating simple exercises that help us live in the moment, have hope, and know that we will survive.

This post is original content, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Create (and Stick to) a Morning Routine in Four Easy Steps

We all have days when we wake up and think that lying in bed sounds like a much better idea than getting up and facing the day. But when you have a reason to put your feet on the floor (besides work or feeding the dog or kids), it makes life seem less mundane and more purposeful.

So, what kind of regular routine might give you a good reason to get out of bed in the morning?

First, focus on yourself only. This is a tough one, but necessary. You have the absolute right to tune out the rest of the world for a few minutes every day. We are all needed by others in some capacity every day, but you also need to connect to your true self on a regular basis in order to maintain your physical and mental health.

Keeping in mind that the focus is inward (thinking of my own pleasure), not outward (attempting to please others), now determine what routine you can easily implement into every morning that places you at the top of the list before everyone else in your life.

Step One: Identify a simple activity that you enjoy the most in life. Is it journaling? Meditating? Praying? Stretching / yoga? Making specialty coffee? Painting? Watching the sunrise? Taking a walk or running? Riding a bike? Reading?

Whatever it is that makes you feel most happy, fulfilled, and at peace, do that first before anything else.

Note: If you must get out of bed earlier to make it happen, the activity has to bring you enough personal fulfillment or pleasure to make it worth it in your mind.

Step Two: Schedule the activity or activities on your phone calendar. The amount of time you spend on the activity is up to you, and doesn’t have to be lengthy. For example:

Meditate (6:00 a.m. to 6:15 a.m.)

or

Stretch (6:15 a.m. to 6:25 a.m.)

or

Journal (6:45 a.m. to 7:00 a.m.)

When your phone reminds you of the activity, take action. It may be challenging at first. Your mind will naturally resist. Change your mindset from (I’m too needed by others to do this) to (I need this time for myself), and get started.

Step Three: Pledge to complete this activity or activities for five out of seven days for the first week. Be disciplined. This is for you and you only. Many people struggle with the concept of putting themselves first, but if you don’t, you may not be presenting your best self to the world.

Step Four: Assess how you feel after a week. Did you want to get out of bed more than usual because you planned the activity every morning? More importantly, did the activity make you feel good? Was it easy to implement? If not, adjust. Try again the next week. Keep trying until it feels natural to think of yourself first.

It’s not selfish to create a daily morning routine that makes you feel good about yourself and the reason why you are here first, before anything else. Give yourself permission to start right now.

You are worth it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Your Truth Lies in Your Dreams

Xia Boyu was in his twenties when he first climbed Mount Everest in 1975. Just before reaching the peak, he and his team became trapped at the summit for two days and three nights due to bad weather. After using all their resources, they were forced to retreat without achieving their dream. While on their descent, Boyu gave his sleeping bag to a teammate who lost his own. As a result, Boyu lost both feet to frostbite and soon transformed into a double-amputee.

Some may have given up their dream at that point, and lived out the remainder of their years ruminating about the failed attempt. But not Boyu. When he ultimately received the gift of prosthetic legs, his purpose was renewed. Despite an eventual battle with cancer and other seemingly insurmountable setbacks, he worked diligently for the next forty-three years toward his goal of summiting Everest again. He tried in 2014, only to abandon the climb after an avalanche struck and killed 16 people. In 2015, an earthquake in Nepal stopped his attempt. In 2017, he tried again without success. Through it all, Boyu never gave up.

On May 14, 2018, at the age of 69, he finally reached the summit on his fifth try, becoming only the second double-amputee to do so. Since then, he has received a Laureus World Sports Award, served as a torchbearer at the Beijing Paralympics, and become an inspiration to not just those with disabilities, but to others around the world who look to him as an example of perseverance, positivity, and what it looks like to live fully and without regret.

While your goal may not be to summit Mount Everest, it is equally as important to persevere through your challenges, setbacks, and fears, just as Boyu did, to fulfill the dreams you imagine for yourself. For over four decades, Boyu picked himself up again after every attempt and continued to press forward. He never surrendered.

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” –Pema Chödrön

Your truth lies in your dreams. Bravely walk into the unknown, face your fears, and don’t give up when your path becomes lined with obstacles. Your hurdles are what make you stronger and more determined than ever to be all you can be.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Why Looking Back Helps You Look Forward

As a year ends and a new one awaits on the horizon, we are offered an exceptional opportunity to reflect on the past twelve months, identify what we have learned, and then carry forward those lessons to make the next year even better. One of the most valuable aspects of this practice is that it helps us remember that we are not expected to be perfect while we are here and that there are no failures—simply lessons.  

 “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” 

--Sophia Bush 

While taking time to remember what you have learned, it is optimal to document your identified lessons in writing followed by a positive action step, inspired by this lesson, you would like to take forward into the next year. This allows you to view your life from another angle. An example of a lesson might be: 

I’ve learned that it is important for me to be adventurous. To explore the world. To go to new places and find out how others live. To listen to their stories. To learn that we are all more alike than different. These experiences are what make me feel alive and part of something much bigger. 

Action Step for 2023: I will plan two trips that take me out of my comfort zone and allow me to gain new experiences and insights. 

 “Everyday life teaches us a new lesson without any classroom.” 

--Danish Khan 

Another example might be: 

I’ve learned to own my truth and individuality. In order to attain my best life, I will identify what I want for myself (not what others want for me), and then determinedly head down this path. I will not feel critical of myself for pursuing what makes me happy. 

Action Step for 2023: I will create a weekly list of goals to achieve that move me one step closer every day toward my ideal life. 

This end-of-the-year practice also encourages you to talk back to the inner critic who is constantly telling you that you must be perfect, that you must compete with others to be happy, and that your fears are bigger than your dreams. It also allows you to release other negative thoughts that are holding you back from moving forward with a positive outlook. Finally, this practice empowers you to remember that you are the one who controls your life and attitude. 

 “Why let go of yesterday? Because yesterday has already let go of you.” 

--Steve Maraboli 

Before 2022 ends, become the most curious person you know. It’s time to get to know yourself on an even deeper level by taking an honest, nonjudgmental look at the past year, and then using what you learn to create a clear plan going forward that brings you more fulfillment and encourages you to shine your unique light onto the world. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Are You Fully Alive?

When asked, many of us might describe the majority of our days as simply ordinary. We go to work, come home, watch television, and go to bed. The next day we wash, rinse, and repeat. Although we know that every day can’t be exciting, it can still sometimes feel like we are in autopilot, methodically moving through each activity or habit without fully living in the moment. 

 You have the power to transform your thinking, anytime, anywhere. 

A friend once shared that when she is experiencing something new or exciting, she throws her head back, raises both her arms in the air, and yells, “I’M ALIVE!” This fun practice is such a great reminder to not just yourself, but to everyone around you to celebrate every extraordinary life experience. 

Whether you are riding a roller coaster, hiking a challenging trail, falling madly in love, traveling the world, giving a speech, taking candid photos, creating art, teaching others a skill, helping someone in trouble, or learning or trying something new, these moments in time provide an opportunity to stop, find joy in the experience, and then celebrate your existence in your own unique way. 

Occasionally reminding ourselves that we are fully alive is an extremely valuable step toward realizing happiness and fulfillment. 

 It is possible to celebrate your life every day in small ways. 

Right now, think about what are you doing when you feel fully alive. How often are you doing these activities that bring joy, make you feel proud of yourself, or build confidence? Replace one mundane habit (watching television) with a new habit (taking an art class) that pairs a concrete action step with your new pledge to live fully. 

 Do more of the things that make you come alive. 

Life is meant to be lived, not endured.  

Why are you here? I’m certain you are not here to robotically navigate through every day while wondering if this is all there is to life. What I am certain of is that you are here for an important reason – to fully live. 

There’s no time to waste. Get busy celebrating life and your beautiful existence. 

(Need an example? Watch the below video of Masaka Kids celebrating their lives!)

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Understanding and Communicating Your Perceptions

Perception is complicated. What we see when looking at the same thing—whether it’s art, a complex problem, a crime scene, or two people having a conversation—can widely differ between us. It should not be viewed as a setback or frustration when we all don’t see things alike. In fact, when we see things differently, it can be a tremendous asset in resolving challenges.  

“What you see is not what others see. We inhabit parallel worlds of perception, bounded by our interests and experience. What is obvious to some is invisible to others.”—George Monbiot 

The Art of Perception® in New York City is an organization that educates professionals and other leaders on how to enhance their observations of visual information and then effectively communicate those observations to the outside world.  

Its founder, Amy Herman, created the four As as a simple way to help others navigate through their unique perceptions of the world around them, and then clearly convey what they have seen to others. When viewing a situation or problem, try implementing the four As to gain a clearer understanding of your own perceptions as well as the perceptions of others:  

ASSESS:                      Stop and look. What do you really see? Take your time. 

ANALYZE:                   What is important and not important about what you see? 

ARTICULATE:              How do you want to communicate what you have seen to others? 

ADAPT OR ACT:         What do you want to do? Change your behavior to adapt to the situation or change the situation and make a difference? 

By assessing, analyzing, articulating, and adapting or acting on our perceptions, we are better able to find common ground with others around us, a path forward, and a greater appreciation of how our minds work differently to produce great ideas and solutions. 

Invite in the quiet and then open your mind to viewing and sharing your perceptions in a new way. It is through this practice that we not only learn more about ourselves, but also how to understand and respect the perceptions of those around us. 

 “There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” ―Aldous Huxley 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Is the Endless Search for Purpose Easier than You Think?

Searching for our purpose in life can seem like an overwhelming task that requires constant thought and life-changing decisions. Sometimes the daunting question, “What is my purpose?” can send us on a decades-long quest for the answer, to no avail.   

Left seemingly without hope, we trudge back into our comfort zones where we mistakenly consider ourselves noncontributors to the world. To really make ourselves miserable, we then take a tour through hundreds of lives on social media and lament that everyone else is living their dream but you. Sound familiar? 

What if switching your mindset is all you need to put this endless search to rest? 

It’s as simple as this: we are all here to make the world a better place, one day at a time. Rather than searching for a larger purpose for decades, why not pursue your universal purpose every day? Viewing purpose with this simpler approach allows you to take the pressure off yourself to find an immediate answer and instead focuses on creating an empowering path forward where you take control to realize a life of courage, service, and consistent personal growth. 

 What are you going to do today to help fulfill your purpose

of making the world a better place? 

Here are a few ideas to get you started: 

Plant a garden. 

Help a friend. 

Make a pot of soup to share with a neighbor.  

Smile at a stranger. 

Write a poem. 

Feed the birds in your backyard. 

Read a good book and then gift it to a local assisted living facility. 

Encourage someone who needs a boost. 

Volunteer at a homeless shelter. 

Rescue an animal. 

Pick up trash while on a walk. 

Remember, no one is going to fulfill each of these tasks exactly the way you do. Although your purpose may be universal, your perspective and approach are unique. There is no one else exactly like you. 

When you relax, refocus, and revamp the way you look at life and your overall purpose, you will no longer have the time or inclination to compare your path to that of others. 

Every day that you inch your way outside your comfort zone by doing something to make the world a better place, you are fulfilling your universal purpose and becoming a better person in the process.  

It’s just that easy. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Three Ways to Conquer Self-Doubt

Our bodies and minds are programmed to protect us from danger. While this is an important human characteristic when hiking in bear country or escaping from a burning building, this caveperson mindset can also hold us back from taking normal, calculated risks in life.

Part of creating a viable game plan as you move forward through life is first determining where you want to be in the immediate future, say three or six months from now. That’s the fun part. But often what occurs after the plan is created is that paralyzing thoughts, patterns, and obstacles (sometimes imagined; sometimes real) cause indecision which leads you to become stuck, exhausted, and frustrated while treading water in a big lonely ocean and watching everyone else swim to a beautiful island where their dreams await.

Guess what? The people who are swimming not treading water aren’t any wiser than you, more courageous, or creative. They have already realized the secret to energetically moving forward toward a goal: a willingness to make mistakes and learn, to walk through their fears, and then take action steps every day that gets them to where they want to go.

So what can you begin doing today to conquer your self-doubt and stop treading water? Grab a journal or notebook and begin documenting your thoughts related to the following:

1. Identify and break down your habit (yes, habit) of hesitation. How do you feel and act when you are in hesitation mode and treading water (Frantic? Overwhelmed? Angry?)? What are you overthinking and why? Why is it important for you to be perfect and never make mistakes or fail?

2. Pinpoint your fears. Why are you procrastinating? What are your behaviors / emotions when you procrastinate? What is your biggest fear? Does this fear really matter in the end? If so, how can you tackle this fear?

3. Identify what is holding you back. Why do you feel helpless? Why are you making one excuse after the other, perhaps even playing the victim sometimes? In what ways can you take back control of your life and goals, listen to your gut, and not depend on others to tell you what to do?

Now, write down three action steps you can take, starting tomorrow, that propel you forward into better days. This useful practice isn’t just a one-time exercise. Taking small steps every day toward a bigger goal leads to perseverance through obstacles, confident behavior, and ultimately, success.

Go after it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Where is Your Happy Place?

Many years ago while my daughter was making a rather poor attempt to not itch a mosquito bite, I encouraged her to go to her happy place to quell her uncontrollable need to scratch. In a last desperate effort, she sat on her hands, closed her eyes, and smiled. Curious, I asked her, “Where are you right now?

“In Cheeto Land,” she replied. “It’s a special island where everything is made of Cheetos. The furniture, the roads, and even my teachers are made of Cheetos.” She sighed with pleasure as she murmured, “It is crunchy deliciousness.” With one look at her face, I knew she had truly arrived in her happy place. For a brief moment, the itchy mosquito bite was forgotten and so were all of her troubles. Truthfully, who wouldn’t be happy in Cheeto Land?

My happy place is anywhere in nature. Whether I am by water listening to the waves lap against the shore or on a mountain trail listening to the crunching of leaves under my feet, it is there where I find the most inner-peace and happiness. I choose not to ask why, but instead choose to embrace that this is the place where I feel I most belong.

Sometimes life is challenging, sad, and leaves more questions than answers. Yet for all of us, happiness still waits at our doorstep. It is up to each one of us if we choose to let it in.

Happiness doesn’t need to be pursued like a criminal on the run, but instead, should be acknowledged and welcomed when it quietly tiptoes into our lives like a mother who wants to kiss her baby good-night without waking her.

Happiness can arrive with the simplest of wishes or daydreams—whether it is to dip our toes in the water, watch the sun setting behind a mountain, or to eat our way from one end of Cheeto Land to another.

Happiness is not about what kind of car you drive, how big your house is, or how much money you have in the bank. Happiness is about right now—this very moment—and whether your spirit is joyfully dancing. So the next time you hear a quiet knocking at your door, open it. It might just be happiness waiting to come in and stay a while.

“If you want to be happy, be.”

--Leo Tolstoy

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.