Mindfulness Practice: Finding Quiet in a Busy World

It can be difficult to boost our joy and zest for life and all it has to offer when we feel pulled in several directions every day—all in an attempt to please everyone else, not ourselves. Therefore, while existing in a world that now expects us to be “on” the majority of the time, it is vital to be mindfully aware of our innate need to find a quiet space to reflect, think, and just be.

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.”

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

At least once a week, leave your distractions behind and seek a peaceful place where you can unplug, recharge your battery, and rest your mind. While resting in this space, drink fresh water, write in a journal, listen to the sounds of nature, eat a healthy snack, and take in everything around you with every deep breath. Focus on accepting yourself just as you are; listen to what your head, heart, and gut are saying; and quiet your critical inner voice with positive affirmations.

This is a loving space, just for you. Use it for good, so that others may look at you as an example of how to really live.

 “Peace is its own reward.”

--Mahatma Ghandi

Work is not everything. Our children and grandchildren are not everything. Our spouses are not everything. It is you who is everything. There is only one you. Take good care of yourself.

 Earth teach me quiet ~ as the grasses are still with new light.

Earth teach me suffering ~ as old stones suffer with memory.

Earth teach me humility ~ as blossoms are humble with beginning.

Earth teach me caring ~ as mothers nurture their young.

Earth teach me courage ~ as the tree that stands alone.

Earth teach me limitation ~ as the ant that crawls on the ground.

Earth teach me freedom ~ as the eagle that soars in the sky.

Earth teach me acceptance ~ as the leaves that die each fall.

Earth teach me renewal ~ as the seed that rises in the spring.

Earth teach me to forget myself ~ as melted snow forgets its life.

Earth teach me to remember kindness ~ as dry fields weep with rain.

--A Ute Prayer

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Be Like an Ultramarathoner to Overcome Challenges

Ultramarathoners are a special breed of runners who train for and participate in races longer than the traditional marathon of 26.2 miles. Races often start at 30+ miles and can be as lengthy as 100 miles. The ability to complete these races depends on several characteristics that lie inside all of us: grit, endurance, and the ability to forge ahead with a focused mindset that does not fixate on others in the race, but instead on their own path forward.

Even if you’re not an ultramarathoner, you can utilize the above characteristics to help you overcome those seemingly insurmountable challenges that sometimes create roadblocks that prompt you to wonder if you’ll ever find a way over or around obstacles.

A competitive runner knows the keys to achieving goals in a race. Thankfully these secrets to success can easily be transferred to nearly any situation that life throws your way:

Confidence. Greater confidence comes from identifying and then conquering fears. Confidence also grows when you put a plan in place to address the issue, one step at a time, rather than procrastinating which only causes more worry about failing. By simply jogging in place, you will never reach the finish line. Inch along a little bit every day and reevaluate as necessary. Confidence comes with doing.

Mental strength. Mental strength is having the will to continue, even when you think you can’t. Feeling apprehensive or scared is all part of stepping outside your comfort zone. Identifying your strengths and talents and then finding a way to use them to overcome your challenges is paramount to achieving mental toughness.

Positive self-talk. It’s important to remember the value of positive self-talk. Removing the words “I don’t think I can” from our inner-dialogue the first step to achieving goals. Replace “I can’t” with “I will.” I will finish this race. I will come out on the other side of this experience a better, stronger person.

Visualization. Competitive runners often visualize the finish line when they “hit the wall” (an analogy for when they think they cannot continue). An important component of being able to overcome challenges is the ability to picture better days and a positive outcome in your mind. Take time every day to visualize the best possible results that you can attain from all your efforts.

A support crew. We all need a great support crew, ready to cheer us on from the sidelines. Surround yourself with a group of positive, strong supporters who believe in you, who provide honest feedback when asked, and can hold you accountable to fulfill what you have envisioned for yourself and your life.

Focusing on your own journey. It can be challenging to not compare yourself to others, either while competing in a race or moving through life. But comparing yourself to others and what they are achieving only hinders your own progress. Focus on yourself and your path. You are like no one else in life and neither is your journey. Remember this: the only person better than you is embedded in you.

No matter where you are in life, you have the power within you to utilize the above characteristics to first address and then overcome any challenge that comes your way. Think like a competitive runner. Create a positive inner dialogue, build confidence by doing, and focus on your own journey. When you cross the finish line, celebrate with your support group. You deserve it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

When the Worst Case Scenario Turns Out to be the Best Case Scenario

Gohei Nishikawa first took up the piano when he was a teenager living in Osaka, Japan. After nurturing dreams of playing professionally, he eventually gave up his aspirations when he couldn’t seem to break into the competitive field. But one day while filling in for another pianist during a recital, Nishikawa was discovered as a promising new talent. Shortly after moving to New York to study under American pianist, David Bradshaw, Nishikawa performed his first solo concert without any idea of the challenges that would lie ahead for him in the next year.

A few months later, Nishikawa noticed his hands becoming unusually stiff and ultimately received devastating news. He had focal dystonia, a chronic condition that causes muscles to involuntarily tighten. With limited use of his hands, it seemed his dream of playing professionally had died once again. Nishikawa, desperate and depressed for relief, attempted suicide.

After eventually coming to accept his situation, Nishikawa found work in a preschool and attempted to move on with his life. But when he was asked by the principal to play a song for the children in the classroom, everything suddenly changed for Nishikawa when he sat down at the piano after a long absence and realized the children only loved the music, not how his hands looked or the way his fingers operated. It was then that he began creating his own way to play, despite his physical challenges. Eight years after his diagnosis, Nishikawa officially made his professional debut. In eight more years, he played in the main hall at Carnegie Hall.

Today, Nishikawa performs around the world, demonstrating to his audience that many things are possible with perseverance and ingenuity. He is grateful for his physical challenge because it has helped him appreciate the smallest gifts in life. The words he lives by every day are, “The worst case scenario can turn out to be the best case scenario.”

In this mindfulness practice, think about a time in your life when the worst case scenario may have led you to a best case scenario you could never have imagined in your wildest dreams. Perhaps you endured an agonizing breakup, only to find the love of your life a few months later. Maybe you lost your job, only to find a much better role at a growing company. Perhaps you received a disheartening health diagnosis, only to find a devoted new friend in a support group.

Now as you continue to reflect, ask yourself, “What did I learn during this time? How have I changed for the better because of that experience? What am I more grateful for now than I was before?” It is important to recognize these valuable lessons as gifts, just as Nishikawa did.

Gohei Nishikawa nearly gave up during his darkest days. He openly shares his story today with the hope that he is an inspiration to others enduring their own darkness. While letting his stiff fingers seemingly dance across the keys in front of global audiences, he transformed into a perfect example of what can happen when we believe in ourselves and our ability to persevere and implement creative solutions, even while enduring a worst case scenario. 

To listen to Gohei Nishikawa’s performance at the United Nation’s 70th anniversary concert in 2019, click here: https://youtu.be/Erxpc6Doins

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - All It Takes Is One

When life propels us down a challenging path, it can sometimes feel like there are only dark days ahead. Yet if we stop to reflect on monumental moments in our past when just one thing changed our lives for the better, we can replace that negative inner chatter with hope for a new chapter.

Take this time to think about what moments in your past transformed the trajectory of your path in life. Perhaps it was an email from an employer with a job offer. Maybe a former colleague connected you with a mentor that helped you finally turn your side hustle into a full-time business. Perhaps a friend offered a few words of encouragement that helped you believe in yourself and press forward to achieve your dreams.

Now think about all the times you were the one who helped someone else. Maybe you were the patient who allowed a medical professional in training to stick you for a second time when she was unsuccessful on the first try, helping her to believe in herself and her abilities. Perhaps you were the CEO who realized that offering a team flexible hours and better benefits would increase productivity and morale in the long run. Maybe you were the mom who encouraged her children to explore their interests so they could eventually find their passions. Perhaps you were the person who reached out with an email to support an unemployed friend who had lost hope.

No matter where you are right now and no matter where those surrounding you are right now in their journeys, there is always hope. As Emily Dickinson once said, “Hope is the thing with features that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.”

Remember this: all it takes is one. One phone call, one conversation, or one email to change the direction of your path or the path of someone else. This realization is what will always bring light into the darkest of days.

Believe. Act. Never give up.

“Be an Encourager: When you encourage others, you boost their self-esteem, enhance their self-confidence, make them work harder, lift their spirits and make them successful in their endeavors. Encouragement goes straight to the heart and is always available. Be an encourager. Always.” ―Roy T. Bennett

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice – Slowing Down to Enjoy Life’s Simple Gifts

One of life’s simple gifts captured by Vicky DeCoster while on a recent hike in the woods

In a world where chaos and busyness is often embraced and even celebrated, it can be difficult to jump off the hamster wheel of life and take a breath. Yet as difficult as it can be to execute at times, the practice of slowing down to enjoy the simple gifts that life brings on a daily basis is critical to maintaining our mental health, especially during challenging periods.

When was the last time you set an intention to really notice the world around you?

Welcome this opportunity to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Imagine yourself walking on a path in a forest. As you listen to the leaves crunching under your feet and the wind gently rustling the leaves of the trees, you decide not to just look at the path in front of you like you always do. Instead, you choose to begin observing the world through the wonderment of someone who has never seen it before.

What do you see when you open yourself to observe the simple gifts of life?

Perhaps it is the way the sunlight streams through the trees, or the laughter of someone behind you on the trail, or the way the air smells of evergreens. Perhaps it is the way you and your hiking companion can walk in companionable silence, or the sound of a rushing creek next to the path, or the feeling of being a small speck in a giant universe full of possibilities.

Now open your eyes and really look around you. What do you see now? There are simple gifts everywhere, just waiting for you to notice them. Choose one right now and then express gratitude for it.

These gifts are not just for you; they are for everyone. Pay it forward by pointing out a simple gift today to someone else. In doing so, you can help them take a breath and really see life. The domino effect from this practice has the potential to have amazing, lasting effects that have the power to change lives for the better.

Life can be good and life can be heartbreaking. Yet through all the ups and downs, it is possible to stop, take a breath, and notice every simple gift life gives you.

“If you will stay close to nature, to its simplicity, to the small things hardly noticeable, those things can unexpectedly become great and immeasurable.” ―Rainer Maria Rilke

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - Writing Headlines to Bring You Closer to What You Want from Life

Every day, headlines in the news capture our attention, either prompting us to read more or move on. Great headlines are clear, concise, and have a direct impact on the reader.

What if you could write a headline about your own life on a daily basis?

The good news is that you can.

Every morning before getting out of bed, grab a notebook or journal and envision a headline you would like to describe the day ahead. Begin the process by asking yourself these five questions that will help you focus, find clarity, and identify a vision:

What emotion do I want to focus on today? (i.e., gratitude, joy, fulfillment, perseverance)

What do I want to specifically achieve today? (i.e., a clear goal)

Who do I want to be today? (i.e., peaceful, grateful, loving)

What promise do I want to fulfill to myself today? (i.e., to be calm, passionate, or to talk nicely to myself)

What light can I shine on the world today? (i.e., kindness, the gift of listening without judgment, hope)

Close your eyes. Focus on your breath. Bring your thoughts inward. Take a few moments to contemplate what is really important to you today. It doesn’t have to be complex. Simple is better. Now open your eyes, grab a notebook, and describe what you want in a few words. For example, your headline might be:

Athlete Decides Progress, not Perfection, is a Better Way to Live

Job Seeker Dedicates One Hour to Networking

Executive Makes Good on Three Client Promises

New Retiree Says Goodbye to Bad Habits and Hello to Positive Changes

Entrepreneur Finds New Ways to Achieve Balance and Fulfillment

Passionate Helper Performs Two Random Acts of Kindness

Avid Reader of News Shuns News to Achieve Inner Peace

As the above examples demonstrate, there are many ways to write a headline that describes what you want for your day and how you want to present yourself to the world. The important takeaway is to remember that each headline you write brings you closer to what you want for yourself and your life.

Headlines can set the framework for solving a problem, help you see a better future, and ultimately guide you to remembering that it is you who holds the power to creating your own destiny, one day at a time, one headline at a time.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - Observing Your Life from a Different Perspective

Imagine that your superpower is the ability to fly. When you are ready, close your eyes and visualize yourself perched on the edge of a cliff. As the sun warms your face, spread your wings and slowly lift yourself into the air. Guided by your curiosity to know more, embrace the freedom that comes with soaring high above the earth with only the wind as your companion. Your goal of this special flight is to objectively observe your life from a different perspective.

As you soar over the road map of your life, what do you see?

All of our lives are filled with joyful times such as finding our true loves, witnessing our children enter the world, and fulfilling our dreams. These moments are the spa-like rest stops on our journey through life. Between all these wonderful stops is the winding, sometimes bumpy road that takes us from Point A to Point B, often without a rest stop for miles and miles or the ability to turn around and choose different endings. Yet it is during these challenging times that we are provided with the best opportunities to learn the most about ourselves, life, and those around us.

Where are you right now on your journey? Perhaps you are exactly where you want to be. Perhaps you have just realized it is time to detour off the main road and carve your own path through the wilderness to reach contentment. Wherever you see yourself on your journey, observe without judgment.

Now open your eyes. You have more control than you think over where your road map leads you from today forward.

Recognize. Believe. Act.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - Letting Go

Imagine yourself standing on the bank of this beautiful mountain stream. Now close your eyes, listen to your heartbeat, and breathe deeply.

What do you need to let go of today that is no longer serving you?

Take this moment to contemplate what you can control in your life and what needs to be lifted off your shoulders. These burdens can be emotions such as anger or jealousy; an unnecessary need to be perfect; or worries about how others perceive you that hold you back from pursuing your dreams. Whatever your burdens are, decide which one is the heaviest. Now imagine yourself lifting that burden off your shoulders, placing it on a raft, bidding it farewell forever, and pushing it downstream and out of sight.

Continue to breathe deeply. When you are ready, open your eyes and welcome the new day as a freer, lighter person.

Practice daily to ensure that you are not carrying baggage you no longer need on your unique journey through life.

“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
― Roy T. Bennett

Photograph by Vicky DeCoster, Sawtooth National Forest, July 2019

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Living Her Passion - Meg Frideres

Meg Frideres teaching mindfulness to Pre-K students and members of the Nevada High School varsity basketball team.

Meg Frideres, a natural-born helper, was influenced in her career choice by two people. The first was a high school teacher who was quite nice, but not effective in his work. The second, was her grandmother, Lillian, an educator and lifelong learner who climbed the pyramids of Egypt at age seventy-five. While on a journey to decide what profession to pursue, Meg’s first choice was not teaching. First, she pursued international relations, followed by a short stint taking pre-med courses, and finally to become an educator. “I loved the cultural aspects of international relations and wanted to make the world a better place,” she explained. “Being a doctor would have allowed me to care for others, but the pre-med curriculum was just not for me. Teaching allowed me to bring both of my loves together.”

To date, Meg has been teaching for twenty-seven years. But her initial path to teaching was lined with more obstacles than she originally imagined. After graduating from the University of Iowa, Meg soon discovered there were no social studies teaching positions open. As a result, she stepped into a role as Religious Education Director and Youth Minister for grades 6-12 at St. Thomas More in Iowa City. When she and her husband, Mark, moved to Davenport, Iowa, so he could attend Palmer College of Chiropractic, she eventually landed a position as a religious teacher and campus minister at Assumption High School. When Mark graduated, they moved to Nevada, Iowa, where he opened his chiropractic practice and she became a social studies teacher at Nevada High School.

Meg soon realized that teaching is all about building relationships, and quickly grew to love the fact that she was able to travel with teenagers, even for just a short time, on their life journeys. “It’s amazing to hear their stories and help young people realize more of their potential,” she added. “While I think content is important, I also believe it is secondary to modeling healthy relationships, being a good listener of the story, and believing in young people. They flourish if they have those things.”

Five years ago after Meg’s school district qualified for the Teacher Leadership Compensation Program, she was offered the opportunity to teach students part of the time, coach teachers in their professional development the rest of the time, and also travel around the district as a mindfulness coach. Although she was incorporating some mindfulness techniques into her daily classroom plans, Meg had no idea of its impact until a student shared that the mindfulness practice helped calm her nerves before a presentation. Meg said, “I knew I wanted to learn more, so the following year, I chose mindfulness in education as my focus in my professional development plan. I read a lot that summer and took my first course from Mindful Schools, a nonprofit that trains educators to revolutionize today’s learning environments. It just blossomed from there.”

Meg leading Nevada Public School system students in mindfulness exercises.

After offering a professional development session for teachers in her district, Meg was invited into different classrooms to help students practice mindfulness. She currently works with students from Early Kindergarten through 12th grade, and also coaches mindfulness to three of the high school sports teams. In elementary classrooms, she conducts an eight-week program that includes visits once a week for 20 minutes. She teaches mindfulness practices (called superpowers) that teachers practice with the students. She teaches students how to mindfully sit, listen, and breathe, and then moves on to using mindful movements to deal with emotions, set daily intentions, and perform acts of kindness and gratitude. At the middle school and high school levels, her visits are more specific to dealing with issues like stage fright or helping focus attention while writing papers.

Inspired by her faith and supported by her husband, Meg has decided to pursue a national certification through Mindful Schools and will begin classes in August 2020. Meg stated, “I hope to work with as many teachers, students, and coaches as possible because mindfulness empowers people to enjoy the moment, think positive, and let go of self-judgment. Mindfulness allows us to be happier and healthier people.”

Raising children in today’s chaotic world can often be challenging. Meg advises parents to unconditionally love their children, instill boundaries, listen more than you talk, apologize when you are wrong, and let them know you are in their corner. She also offers sage advice to those who want to pursue their passion in life. “Don’t kid yourself. It can be scary and sometimes you second-guess yourself, but nothing beats the feeling of realizing your potential and how you can positively impact people. I was not born a risk taker, but I have learned that some things are worth the risk.”

Meg added that her students remind her all the time how blessed she is to be a part of their lives. “There are no words to explain the significance of being able to walk beside them for part of their life journey.”

Perhaps her students would agree that they are the ones who are blessed as they learn valuable mindfulness techniques from her that will help them gracefully face challenges, obstacles, and fears for the rest of their lives.

For more about Mindful Schools and their programs, visit https://www.mindfulschools.org/. To contact Meg directly with questions about mindfulness practices in the classroom, email her at: mfrideres@nevadacubs.org.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.