Mindfulness Practice – Releasing Negativity

During the past year, we’ve all been focused on avoiding an extremely contagious virus. As we have learned, sometimes despite our best efforts, the virus finds its way in.

Negativity is equally as contagious. As much as we try to avoid it, on occasion we encounter people around us whose outlook on life and its challenges may be darker or more pessimistic that ours. After a conversation or encounter, we may notice that our own mood or outlook for the day has been adversely affected. Maybe we even find ourselves commiserating with that person, ultimately transforming our own moods from hopeful to negative.

While we may try to brush off negativity as an unavoidable part of our days, recent studies have proven that repetitive negative thinking may not only contribute to cognitive decline, but also serve as a risk factor for developing dementia later in life.

Caring for our mental health is an extremely important part of maintaining overall wellness. When we protect ourselves from others who think negatively and replace our own negative thoughts as often as possible with positive self-talk, we receive many health benefits that include reduced rates of depression, improved cardiovascular health, better coping skills during adversity, and a longer life span.

Take a minute to soak this in:

No one but you has control over your attitude and day.

Perhaps you feel a release when you read that sentence. Maybe you feel empowered. Whatever you feel, it is important to remember that you, only you, hold the steering wheel as to which direction you head every day in your life.

Today, let’s focus on a mindfulness practice that allows you to protect yourself from negativity when encountering others who may not share your optimistic views. Close your eyes and imagine what happens to your body and mind when you encounter negativity. Perhaps you tense your shoulders or your stomach ties itself in a giant knot.

Take a few deep breaths. Relax all those parts of your body, one at a time. Now imagine yourself inside a warm bubble, protected and safe from the outside world. Finally, repeat this phrase to yourself until you feel calm, focused, and optimistic again:

 You are you, and I am me.

I release this negative energy so that I may be free.

This is a short yet powerful practice that gently reminds us that we are always in control of our attitudes and outlooks, no matter who is around us, what they say, or how they act.

Be you. Be mindful. Be positive.

"Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power."

-- Shirley MacLaine

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Take Back the Reins of Your Life

You may have heard of the popular Zen tale about a horse and its rider. As the horse wildly gallops down a road with its rider tightly gripping the reins, both man and animal eventually meet a stranger standing beside the road who curiously shouts, “Where are you going?” The rider replies, “I don’t know. Ask the horse!”

Although this story is short, it contains a powerful and symbolic message about empowerment. Each of us, no matter what our struggles or challenges, has control over the direction of our lives. But how do we find that direction when all we feel is lost? First, ask yourself this question:

Who is holding the reins of my life?

If you believe you are the only one holding the reins of your life, terrific! You have realized the power you have within to take control of where you are going and how you want to get there by creating a concrete action plan, setting clear goals, and assigning someone to hold you accountable to getting from here to there.

If you believe that someone else (or several others) are holding the reins instead of you, now is not the time to worry or continue treading water. The first step in attaining life transformation is to recognize the need for positive change. Now, ask yourself this question:

What is one thing I can begin doing today to point myself in the right direction?

Perhaps you would like to become a healthier version of yourself. Beginning with that idea, think about how you can transform one less-than-ideal daily decision into a positive action that guides you toward a bigger goal. Pledge to go to bed one hour earlier every night so you can awaken sooner and exercise. Log everything you eat into a food journal. Prep meals to save time and avoid mindless snacking.

If you are unhappy at your job, think about how you can replace a robotic daily decision with a better one that leads you down a new path. Rather than complaining about events that are out of your control, update your resume. Set aside time once a week to apply for new opportunities. Talk to a recruiter. Network with your connections.

Every time you complete an action that moves you in the direction of a more content future, reward yourself with positive self-talk. Now, ask yourself this one final question:

How do I feel about myself and my direction when I take steps toward positive change?

When incorporating positive change in your life, you create a path forward that leads to contentment. Socrates once said, “The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but in creating the new.” This is your life. Remember, you don’t have to be a helpless rider on a galloping horse. You have the strength. You have the courage. You have the power deep within to confidently take back the reins, make the changes you need to be content, and inspire others by walking the talk.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Avoid Catching Negativity

A cold is contagious. The flu is contagious. But the one thing that is more contagious than anything is negativity. Thankfully, all of us have a choice every day whether to be a carrier of the kind of attitude that spreads faster than anything else in life.

Think about what happens when you encounter someone in the hallway at work. You smile and innocently ask, “How’s your day going?”

When their response is something like, “Oh, it could be better,” or “God awful,” or “I’ll be glad when it’s over!”, our natural instinct is to sympathize and then ask, “Why, what happened?” Before we know it, suddenly our need to relate prompts us to nod our heads in agreement and subsequently grumble about things that we may have brushed off as insignificant only moments earlier. And so the cycle begins.

Now as we part ways with that person, we have sadly become a carrier of the same infectious pessimistic attitude. Even worse yet, our smile may have disappeared, our heart rate may have increased, and we may not have the same spring in our step. Luckily, all hope for staying positive, even when those around you aren’t, is not lost. By following these five simple steps, it is possible to be sympathetic to someone who is suffering while still managing to avoid catching a negative attitude:

Believe that you have control over everything, including your mindset. No one forces you to take on a negative view of anything in life. We are all on this earth to love and learn. When looking at each experience in life as a lesson, it becomes possible to transform negativity into positive energy. Silently repeat to yourself throughout every day, “I am in control.”

Find a way to gracefully move away from negativity to a place of peace. While conversing with someone who is drowning in pessimism, remember to breathe while discovering a balance between feeling empathy and not transforming into a sponge. Smile and nod, pat their hand, and show them that you care. But ending it there and not carrying the attitude with you throughout the rest of the day empowers you to stop the cycle.

Focus on the positive aspects of every day. No matter what happens, there is always good in every day. Perhaps a stranger opened the door for you or your dog greeted you at the end of a long day with a slobbery kiss. Maybe a friend called unexpectedly and invited you to dinner. When feeling yourself caught up in a negative cycle, train your mind to concentrate on the good in the world. If you are somehow not able to find the good in others, perform a random act of kindness yourself.

Practice gratitude for the simplest of gifts. Many of us take the simplest things for granted. Not everyone in the world has clean water and a warm bed. Others do not have good medical care or a house without a leaky roof. When those surrounding you attempt to pull you into their darkness, focus on what you have, not on what you do not have.

Surround yourself with friends and family who share your attitude that life will always get better. While sometimes it is not possible to avoid negative people, it is possible to create a squad of supporters who believe in you, encourage you to follow your dreams, and love you unconditionally. If you are not receiving what you need from anyone in your life, it is perfectly okay to give yourself permission to move on.

When you wake up tomorrow and begin preparing for a new day, remember this: No matter what you are wearing on the outside, it is the attitude you are wearing on the inside that people remember more. Now go tackle the world.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping her clients move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.