Mindfulness Practice - Making Decisions without Becoming Overwhelmed

The thought of making difficult decisions can be overwhelming at times. Because of this, we often become stuck at a crossroads, unable to move forward in life. Guided by our fears of making the wrong decision, we stay in a place where we may not feel fulfilled or content.

The trick to successfully navigating through your thoughts to make the best decision for you is learning to utilize the three voices in life: the head, the heart, and the gut. Each has an important purpose in the decision-making process:

The head creates rules that include core beliefs, expectations, and an objective review of what is possible and not possible.

The heart holds our true desires.

The gut gives us permission to follow what’s in our heart.

Today, think of something positive or good that you would like to see more of in your life. Perhaps you want to live closer to nature. Maybe you want deeper relationships or a more fulfilling job. Close your eyes and place yourself in that picture. See it. Feel it. Invite this experience inside of you.

Now, focus in and listen to what your head is telling you about this experience. Often, your head tells you what you should do. Leave that thought for now.

Next, listen to what your heart is telling you. This will most likely be very different from what your head is telling you. These are your true desires. Step back from these thoughts and leave them there.

Finally, go a little deeper and listen to your gut. Our gut instinct is what we already know deep inside. This is our validator. What is it saying about your decision and desire to pursue this thing you really want more of in your life? Stay there for a few moments. Really listen.

Open your eyes. You should now have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

As you become aware of these three voices and the important part each plays in the decision-making process, bringing them all together as one cohesive voice will help you mindfully contemplate your options, confidently make decisions, and then take small action steps every day that move you in a more positive direction.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice: Finding Quiet in a Busy World

It can be difficult to boost our joy and zest for life and all it has to offer when we feel pulled in several directions every day—all in an attempt to please everyone else, not ourselves. Therefore, while existing in a world that now expects us to be “on” the majority of the time, it is vital to be mindfully aware of our innate need to find a quiet space to reflect, think, and just be.

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.”

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

At least once a week, leave your distractions behind and seek a peaceful place where you can unplug, recharge your battery, and rest your mind. While resting in this space, drink fresh water, write in a journal, listen to the sounds of nature, eat a healthy snack, and take in everything around you with every deep breath. Focus on accepting yourself just as you are; listen to what your head, heart, and gut are saying; and quiet your critical inner voice with positive affirmations.

This is a loving space, just for you. Use it for good, so that others may look at you as an example of how to really live.

 “Peace is its own reward.”

--Mahatma Ghandi

Work is not everything. Our children and grandchildren are not everything. Our spouses are not everything. It is you who is everything. There is only one you. Take good care of yourself.

 Earth teach me quiet ~ as the grasses are still with new light.

Earth teach me suffering ~ as old stones suffer with memory.

Earth teach me humility ~ as blossoms are humble with beginning.

Earth teach me caring ~ as mothers nurture their young.

Earth teach me courage ~ as the tree that stands alone.

Earth teach me limitation ~ as the ant that crawls on the ground.

Earth teach me freedom ~ as the eagle that soars in the sky.

Earth teach me acceptance ~ as the leaves that die each fall.

Earth teach me renewal ~ as the seed that rises in the spring.

Earth teach me to forget myself ~ as melted snow forgets its life.

Earth teach me to remember kindness ~ as dry fields weep with rain.

--A Ute Prayer

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Are You Living in the Past, the Future, or the Present?

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future,

focus on living fully in the present.” ―Roy T. Bennett

There are three ways to live life. One is to constantly return to the past where we seize the opportunity to identify our regrets, relive our mistakes, and question why we have had to endure challenges.

The second is to live in the future where we seemingly believe that if we gaze into an imagined crystal ball, we can somehow predict everything that is going to happen to us, even when we know deep inside that life is more often unpredictable than not.

Finally, we can choose to live in the present, where we are mindfully aware that we are most content when we embrace every moment with wonderment, gratitude, and curiosity.

While it is sometimes helpful to return to the past to heal old wounds or identify learning lessons to take forward in a positive way, or to temporarily look into the future in order to set attainable goals or pinpoint how to align ourselves with our best life, living in the present invites us to journey to a place of acceptance where we openly welcome all that life brings, both good and bad, while knowing that with each experience, we are provided with an opportunity to learn and become better versions of ourselves.

As terrific as that idea sounds, it can seem like a daunting task, especially when we have been living in either the past or the future for some time. So what can we do to make this task become more effortless?

First, practice becoming mindfully aware of when you are expending unnecessary energy to return to the past to beat yourself up or attempting to imagine a future that has not unfolded.

When you realize you are living in the past or future, gently bring your mind back to the here and now. Look around you. Really see everything: your family members, the flowers in your garden, or your pets. Identify one thing to be grateful for right now. Breathe.

Lastly, think of an easy phrase that allows you to bring yourself back to the present whenever you find yourself living elsewhere. That phrase could be, “Here and now,” or “Stay focused,” or “Be present.” Repeat this phrase several times until you feel yourself right here, right now, in this moment.

If you find yourself living in the past or the future, remember that you are not alone. Everyone deals with this challenge at some point in their lives. With that said, it is important to note that the most content people have developed and then incorporated a consistent daily practice that promotes a “be here now” mindset.

Be patient with yourself as you begin this practice. Even the best habits take time to implement. You are here to learn and grow. By implementing this disciplined practice, you are doing just that.

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“Sometimes what a person needs is not a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.” —Unknown

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Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Learning to Set Boundaries and Create a New Plan in a Post-COVID World

“Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.”–Napoleon Hill

The events of the past year have transformed our lives in many ways we could have never imagined. Most have had to reluctantly isolate from loved ones, friends, and co-workers in order to keep them safe. Some have had to find a way to care for their children and ensure they were properly home-schooled while simultaneously working from home. Others have had to say goodbye to loved ones who sadly could not live to see a vaccine and brighter days.

The challenges, at times, have seemed insurmountable. Yet despite the many obstacles that have been placed in front of each of us, no matter how different, we have all been provided with the opportunity to learn about ourselves, what is important to us, and what we want for our futures.

Now as the world slowly begins to reopen, we are being provided with yet another opportunity to take what we have learned and utilize it to set boundaries and create a plan that ensures long-term contentment from this point forward.

Think of yourself as a seed that has been planted deep beneath the Earth for the past year. As you slowly stretch to reach the light above, now is the time to decide how you want to grow and bloom to become the best version of yourself. Below are a few introspective questions to ask yourself as you begin to immerse yourself into the world:

• What would I like to take from this experience and use for good as I emerge into the light?

• What (or who) do I need to learn to say no to?

• How can I better understand my limits?

• What boundaries do I need to put in place before I move any further down this path?

• Who do I want to surround myself with?

• How can I continue to care for myself and slow down, just as I did during the pandemic?

• How can I be here now, not the past or the future, and live with less anxiety and more confidence?

• Do I want to be someone others want me to be or to be a more authentic version of myself?

• How do I ultimately want to present myself to the world … today and always? 

Every day, our lives are filled with choices that come with consequences, good or bad. During the past year, we all had to make decisions that were not easy. Some provided wonderful benefits; others came with consequences that were less than desirable. The good news is we learned that we are strong, that love is what matters, and that we have more control over our mindset than we ever imagined.

You have a choice today as to how you want to grow, bloom, and leave your mark in humanity’s garden. All you have to do is look within for the answers.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Be Like an Ultramarathoner to Overcome Challenges

Ultramarathoners are a special breed of runners who train for and participate in races longer than the traditional marathon of 26.2 miles. Races often start at 30+ miles and can be as lengthy as 100 miles. The ability to complete these races depends on several characteristics that lie inside all of us: grit, endurance, and the ability to forge ahead with a focused mindset that does not fixate on others in the race, but instead on their own path forward.

Even if you’re not an ultramarathoner, you can utilize the above characteristics to help you overcome those seemingly insurmountable challenges that sometimes create roadblocks that prompt you to wonder if you’ll ever find a way over or around obstacles.

A competitive runner knows the keys to achieving goals in a race. Thankfully these secrets to success can easily be transferred to nearly any situation that life throws your way:

Confidence. Greater confidence comes from identifying and then conquering fears. Confidence also grows when you put a plan in place to address the issue, one step at a time, rather than procrastinating which only causes more worry about failing. By simply jogging in place, you will never reach the finish line. Inch along a little bit every day and reevaluate as necessary. Confidence comes with doing.

Mental strength. Mental strength is having the will to continue, even when you think you can’t. Feeling apprehensive or scared is all part of stepping outside your comfort zone. Identifying your strengths and talents and then finding a way to use them to overcome your challenges is paramount to achieving mental toughness.

Positive self-talk. It’s important to remember the value of positive self-talk. Removing the words “I don’t think I can” from our inner-dialogue the first step to achieving goals. Replace “I can’t” with “I will.” I will finish this race. I will come out on the other side of this experience a better, stronger person.

Visualization. Competitive runners often visualize the finish line when they “hit the wall” (an analogy for when they think they cannot continue). An important component of being able to overcome challenges is the ability to picture better days and a positive outcome in your mind. Take time every day to visualize the best possible results that you can attain from all your efforts.

A support crew. We all need a great support crew, ready to cheer us on from the sidelines. Surround yourself with a group of positive, strong supporters who believe in you, who provide honest feedback when asked, and can hold you accountable to fulfill what you have envisioned for yourself and your life.

Focusing on your own journey. It can be challenging to not compare yourself to others, either while competing in a race or moving through life. But comparing yourself to others and what they are achieving only hinders your own progress. Focus on yourself and your path. You are like no one else in life and neither is your journey. Remember this: the only person better than you is embedded in you.

No matter where you are in life, you have the power within you to utilize the above characteristics to first address and then overcome any challenge that comes your way. Think like a competitive runner. Create a positive inner dialogue, build confidence by doing, and focus on your own journey. When you cross the finish line, celebrate with your support group. You deserve it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

When the Worst Case Scenario Turns Out to be the Best Case Scenario

Gohei Nishikawa first took up the piano when he was a teenager living in Osaka, Japan. After nurturing dreams of playing professionally, he eventually gave up his aspirations when he couldn’t seem to break into the competitive field. But one day while filling in for another pianist during a recital, Nishikawa was discovered as a promising new talent. Shortly after moving to New York to study under American pianist, David Bradshaw, Nishikawa performed his first solo concert without any idea of the challenges that would lie ahead for him in the next year.

A few months later, Nishikawa noticed his hands becoming unusually stiff and ultimately received devastating news. He had focal dystonia, a chronic condition that causes muscles to involuntarily tighten. With limited use of his hands, it seemed his dream of playing professionally had died once again. Nishikawa, desperate and depressed for relief, attempted suicide.

After eventually coming to accept his situation, Nishikawa found work in a preschool and attempted to move on with his life. But when he was asked by the principal to play a song for the children in the classroom, everything suddenly changed for Nishikawa when he sat down at the piano after a long absence and realized the children only loved the music, not how his hands looked or the way his fingers operated. It was then that he began creating his own way to play, despite his physical challenges. Eight years after his diagnosis, Nishikawa officially made his professional debut. In eight more years, he played in the main hall at Carnegie Hall.

Today, Nishikawa performs around the world, demonstrating to his audience that many things are possible with perseverance and ingenuity. He is grateful for his physical challenge because it has helped him appreciate the smallest gifts in life. The words he lives by every day are, “The worst case scenario can turn out to be the best case scenario.”

In this mindfulness practice, think about a time in your life when the worst case scenario may have led you to a best case scenario you could never have imagined in your wildest dreams. Perhaps you endured an agonizing breakup, only to find the love of your life a few months later. Maybe you lost your job, only to find a much better role at a growing company. Perhaps you received a disheartening health diagnosis, only to find a devoted new friend in a support group.

Now as you continue to reflect, ask yourself, “What did I learn during this time? How have I changed for the better because of that experience? What am I more grateful for now than I was before?” It is important to recognize these valuable lessons as gifts, just as Nishikawa did.

Gohei Nishikawa nearly gave up during his darkest days. He openly shares his story today with the hope that he is an inspiration to others enduring their own darkness. While letting his stiff fingers seemingly dance across the keys in front of global audiences, he transformed into a perfect example of what can happen when we believe in ourselves and our ability to persevere and implement creative solutions, even while enduring a worst case scenario. 

To listen to Gohei Nishikawa’s performance at the United Nation’s 70th anniversary concert in 2019, click here: https://youtu.be/Erxpc6Doins

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice – Loving Yourself First

As Valentine’s Day quickly approaches in a year when celebrations are looked upon differently, some of us may sigh in annoyance at this love-focused holiday while others may look forward to celebrating with flowers, candy, or a romantic dinner.

While it is of value to celebrate our relationships with others and let them know how much we appreciate them, it is even more important to place ourselves at the top of the list of those we love. Unfortunately, we often berate ourselves silently, telling ourselves that we are not deserving of happiness, that we are stupid, that we lack talent, or that we don’t have the capacity to make good decisions. Yet there is one all-knowing truth that we should remember, no matter what our challenges are while living in a world that often feels out of control. That truth is this:

We have complete control over our thoughts and actions.

With this truth in mind, today’s mindfulness practice is focused on providing an exercise that will help you incorporate some behaviors and thoughts that remind you that it is you who is in control.

Stand in front of a mirror with a paper and pen near you. Close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Now open your eyes again and view yourself like a friend would.

What do you see that is good?

Now write down your positive observations (i.e., “I see a person who has endured many struggles and has come out stronger as a result” or “I see a woman who has somehow managed to muster the motivation to lose 10 pounds, despite living in quarantine for months”).

Next, write down what you love about yourself (i.e., I love my strong arms or I love my heart or I love my intellect).

Now, draw a circle and write “I Am” inside.

Outside of the circle, write the positive words that best describe you (one word descriptions only) (i.e., strong, determined, generous, caring, free-spirited, loving). Keep writing until you have fully described yourself. Draw an arrow from the circle to each word.

Once you have identified all your positive attributes, hang the paper on your mirror. Read it every morning and evening. Celebrate all you have been, all you are today, and all you will be in the future.

We are what we tell ourselves. This practice reminds us how special we are and, most importantly, how deserving we are of life’s greatest gift: unconditional love.

“Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Be true to yourself. How you treat yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.” ―Steve Maraboli

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice – Releasing Negativity

During the past year, we’ve all been focused on avoiding an extremely contagious virus. As we have learned, sometimes despite our best efforts, the virus finds its way in.

Negativity is equally as contagious. As much as we try to avoid it, on occasion we encounter people around us whose outlook on life and its challenges may be darker or more pessimistic that ours. After a conversation or encounter, we may notice that our own mood or outlook for the day has been adversely affected. Maybe we even find ourselves commiserating with that person, ultimately transforming our own moods from hopeful to negative.

While we may try to brush off negativity as an unavoidable part of our days, recent studies have proven that repetitive negative thinking may not only contribute to cognitive decline, but also serve as a risk factor for developing dementia later in life.

Caring for our mental health is an extremely important part of maintaining overall wellness. When we protect ourselves from others who think negatively and replace our own negative thoughts as often as possible with positive self-talk, we receive many health benefits that include reduced rates of depression, improved cardiovascular health, better coping skills during adversity, and a longer life span.

Take a minute to soak this in:

No one but you has control over your attitude and day.

Perhaps you feel a release when you read that sentence. Maybe you feel empowered. Whatever you feel, it is important to remember that you, only you, hold the steering wheel as to which direction you head every day in your life.

Today, let’s focus on a mindfulness practice that allows you to protect yourself from negativity when encountering others who may not share your optimistic views. Close your eyes and imagine what happens to your body and mind when you encounter negativity. Perhaps you tense your shoulders or your stomach ties itself in a giant knot.

Take a few deep breaths. Relax all those parts of your body, one at a time. Now imagine yourself inside a warm bubble, protected and safe from the outside world. Finally, repeat this phrase to yourself until you feel calm, focused, and optimistic again:

 You are you, and I am me.

I release this negative energy so that I may be free.

This is a short yet powerful practice that gently reminds us that we are always in control of our attitudes and outlooks, no matter who is around us, what they say, or how they act.

Be you. Be mindful. Be positive.

"Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power."

-- Shirley MacLaine

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice: Looking Back on an Unforgettable Year

The year 2020 has garnered many descriptive phrases that include “unprecedented,” “apocalyptic,” and “tumultuous.” Although there has been much focus on what we disagree about in the world, one thing is certain: those of us who have survived the last twelve months will share a collective sigh of relief when we can once again move forward into the future with confidence, calmness, and clarity.

Through all of the struggles, chaos, and uncertainty surrounding this year, there is no question that we have all learned something in 2020. While we remained quarantined in our homes, perhaps some of us experienced true loneliness for the first time in our lives and have had to teach ourselves how to be okay with silence. Others may have seized the opportunity to clean, organize, and get things done that had remained on the back burner of their lives for longer than they would like to admit. Some may have decided to take control over their future and learn a new skill or start a side business. Others may have taken the opportunity to re-evaluate their career and where they want to go from here. A few more may have decided to help others by delivering food or groceries to those in need, contributing money to charities, or making regular phone calls to elderly relatives or friends.

No matter where you are in the process of learning more about yourself and how you are coping with one of the greatest challenges to affect the world to date, it is never too late to reflect on all you will take away from this moment in time and carry into the future to either help yourself or others around you. Right now, take a breather and ask yourself this question:

What is the greatest lesson I have learned in 2020?

 Once you have formulated an answer either in your mind or on paper, ask yourself this question:

 What will I take forward from this experience to effect positive change?

 As we enthusiastically welcome a new year, it is important for all of us to keep our eyes on the path in front of us that is full of opportunities, fresh lessons, and unique experiences. As Roy T. Bennett once said, “The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living.”

For a few minutes, be here, right now, in this place of learning. And then let it go so you can grow, develop, and then carry your valuable lessons forward to help yourself and others in 2021.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - All It Takes Is One

When life propels us down a challenging path, it can sometimes feel like there are only dark days ahead. Yet if we stop to reflect on monumental moments in our past when just one thing changed our lives for the better, we can replace that negative inner chatter with hope for a new chapter.

Take this time to think about what moments in your past transformed the trajectory of your path in life. Perhaps it was an email from an employer with a job offer. Maybe a former colleague connected you with a mentor that helped you finally turn your side hustle into a full-time business. Perhaps a friend offered a few words of encouragement that helped you believe in yourself and press forward to achieve your dreams.

Now think about all the times you were the one who helped someone else. Maybe you were the patient who allowed a medical professional in training to stick you for a second time when she was unsuccessful on the first try, helping her to believe in herself and her abilities. Perhaps you were the CEO who realized that offering a team flexible hours and better benefits would increase productivity and morale in the long run. Maybe you were the mom who encouraged her children to explore their interests so they could eventually find their passions. Perhaps you were the person who reached out with an email to support an unemployed friend who had lost hope.

No matter where you are right now and no matter where those surrounding you are right now in their journeys, there is always hope. As Emily Dickinson once said, “Hope is the thing with features that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.”

Remember this: all it takes is one. One phone call, one conversation, or one email to change the direction of your path or the path of someone else. This realization is what will always bring light into the darkest of days.

Believe. Act. Never give up.

“Be an Encourager: When you encourage others, you boost their self-esteem, enhance their self-confidence, make them work harder, lift their spirits and make them successful in their endeavors. Encouragement goes straight to the heart and is always available. Be an encourager. Always.” ―Roy T. Bennett

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.