How to Persevere through Change and Obstacles

While participating in a school track meet, a ten-year-old boy accidentally ran right out of one of his sneakers. In a split second, he made a choice that would dictate how he would navigate through his life from that point forward. Instead of stopping to pick it up or put it back on, he quickly adjusted his mindset, left the shoe behind, kept running, and beat all his competitors to win the race. A few years later, that same boy went on to secure two gold medals in the Olympics.

“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races, one after the other.”

–Walter Elliott

Perseverance is critical to achieving our goals, navigating through change, and enduring unforeseen challenges. Even though we all understand the importance of perseverance to help us stay focused while on a journey through change or to find contentment or success in life, our inner-critic often attempts to override our best intentions to keep at it by telling us, “You can’t do this,” or “You’re not good enough,” or “You will probably fail.” As a result, this fixed mindset ultimately holds us back from achieving our dreams, learning, and experiencing life in its fullest form. Although this fixed mindset can feel comfortable and safe, it most likely leaves us feeling stagnant, miserable, and hopeless. The good news is that a fixed mindset is a habit that can be changed.

“Perseverance is a choice. It’s not a simple, one-time choice; it’s a daily one …”

–Margaret J. Wheatley

In order to persevere through challenging times or even routine everyday experiences, it is possible to make decisions, even in seconds, that push us to continue on, if for no other reason than to see what’s around the next corner. By changing our internal dialogue from “You can’t do this,” to “You can try and see where this leads you,” we are making a conscious decision to alter our perspective to a growth mindset, a belief that encourages us to change the course of our lives through action.

“It always seems impossible until it’s done,”

–Nelson Mandela

The next time you are facing a seemingly insurmountable obstacle or a change that terrifies you, think about the story of the ten-year-old boy who made a split-second choice to persevere, readjust his mindset, and finish the race strong. 

By setting small action steps every day that move you forward, quiet your inner-critic, guide you around obstacles, and help you press through change, you too can persevere to achieve great things.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoac

Three Ways to Conquer Self-Doubt

Our bodies and minds are programmed to protect us from danger. While this is an important human characteristic when hiking in bear country or escaping from a burning building, this caveperson mindset can also hold us back from taking normal, calculated risks in life.

Part of creating a viable game plan as you move forward through life is first determining where you want to be in the immediate future, say three or six months from now. That’s the fun part. But often what occurs after the plan is created is that paralyzing thoughts, patterns, and obstacles (sometimes imagined; sometimes real) cause indecision which leads you to become stuck, exhausted, and frustrated while treading water in a big lonely ocean and watching everyone else swim to a beautiful island where their dreams await.

Guess what? The people who are swimming not treading water aren’t any wiser than you, more courageous, or creative. They have already realized the secret to energetically moving forward toward a goal: a willingness to make mistakes and learn, to walk through their fears, and then take action steps every day that gets them to where they want to go.

So what can you begin doing today to conquer your self-doubt and stop treading water? Grab a journal or notebook and begin documenting your thoughts related to the following:

1. Identify and break down your habit (yes, habit) of hesitation. How do you feel and act when you are in hesitation mode and treading water (Frantic? Overwhelmed? Angry?)? What are you overthinking and why? Why is it important for you to be perfect and never make mistakes or fail?

2. Pinpoint your fears. Why are you procrastinating? What are your behaviors / emotions when you procrastinate? What is your biggest fear? Does this fear really matter in the end? If so, how can you tackle this fear?

3. Identify what is holding you back. Why do you feel helpless? Why are you making one excuse after the other, perhaps even playing the victim sometimes? In what ways can you take back control of your life and goals, listen to your gut, and not depend on others to tell you what to do?

Now, write down three action steps you can take, starting tomorrow, that propel you forward into better days. This useful practice isn’t just a one-time exercise. Taking small steps every day toward a bigger goal leads to perseverance through obstacles, confident behavior, and ultimately, success.

Go after it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Which Wolf Are You Feeding?

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

He continued, “The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

As we begin 2022, this well-known, profound story can provide inspiration when asking ourselves how we would like to proceed forward in life. Although what happens in life on a daily basis can often feel out of our control, the truth is that we have more in our control than we realize.

While understanding that life is full of as many struggles as joys, choosing the right mindset is critical to moving forward in a positive way, despite our challenges. Life evolves every day and provides us with different obstacles, bridges to cross, and choices to make. When everything feels overwhelming, we often begin battling a variety of emotions that can include self-pity, resentment, anger, and even regret. Despite our best efforts to keep our heads above water, these feelings can result in negative self-talk and leave us struggling to find balance and peace of mind.

This is the time to ask yourself a simple question:

Which wolf do I want to feed today?

Attaining inner peace and contentment is all about the way you think. Practice awareness, remind yourself that you have choices, transform your mindset as often as possible, and then welcome the positive results into your life.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Where is Your Happy Place?

Many years ago while my daughter was making a rather poor attempt to not itch a mosquito bite, I encouraged her to go to her happy place to quell her uncontrollable need to scratch. In a last desperate effort, she sat on her hands, closed her eyes, and smiled. Curious, I asked her, “Where are you right now?

“In Cheeto Land,” she replied. “It’s a special island where everything is made of Cheetos. The furniture, the roads, and even my teachers are made of Cheetos.” She sighed with pleasure as she murmured, “It is crunchy deliciousness.” With one look at her face, I knew she had truly arrived in her happy place. For a brief moment, the itchy mosquito bite was forgotten and so were all of her troubles. Truthfully, who wouldn’t be happy in Cheeto Land?

My happy place is anywhere in nature. Whether I am by water listening to the waves lap against the shore or on a mountain trail listening to the crunching of leaves under my feet, it is there where I find the most inner-peace and happiness. I choose not to ask why, but instead choose to embrace that this is the place where I feel I most belong.

Sometimes life is challenging, sad, and leaves more questions than answers. Yet for all of us, happiness still waits at our doorstep. It is up to each one of us if we choose to let it in.

Happiness doesn’t need to be pursued like a criminal on the run, but instead, should be acknowledged and welcomed when it quietly tiptoes into our lives like a mother who wants to kiss her baby good-night without waking her.

Happiness can arrive with the simplest of wishes or daydreams—whether it is to dip our toes in the water, watch the sun setting behind a mountain, or to eat our way from one end of Cheeto Land to another.

Happiness is not about what kind of car you drive, how big your house is, or how much money you have in the bank. Happiness is about right now—this very moment—and whether your spirit is joyfully dancing. So the next time you hear a quiet knocking at your door, open it. It might just be happiness waiting to come in and stay a while.

“If you want to be happy, be.”

--Leo Tolstoy

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Stay Humble in an Imperfect World

During a recent television interview profiling the CEO of a global property restoration company, he not only talked about the success of the business he built from the ground up, but also about the one task he is devoted to completing daily.

Every morning, the CEO signs birthday cards for employees celebrating that day and, when possible, includes a personal note. He initially started the process when his team was comprised of just nineteen employees. Today, thousands work for him around the world. When asked why he takes the time to focus on this task when there are many other important issues for him to address each day, he stated that it is important to him to stay humble. It is very possible that this CEO has a loyal team behind him because his actions show that he genuinely cares about those who support him, not just himself and his accomplishments.

So, what does being humble mean exactly?

Having humility in your life and work means that you believe, no matter your title, bank account balance, or material possessions, that you are not better than those around you.

Being humble means:

• You understand the difference between confidence and arrogance.

• You set clear core values for yourself, base your daily actions on those values, and no matter the temptation to stray from those values, you stay true to your mission of being a positive influence on those around you.

• You take time to mentor others by first pointing out their unique talents and strengths, and then guiding them to find their passion and place in the world.

• You never forget those who have helped you along the way by checking in with them on a regular basis to determine if there is a way you can help them achieve greatness.

• You greet those who cross your path with genuine curiosity about how they really are, no matter their title, role, or wealth status.

• You have a willingness to always learn, and never believe you know it all about anything.

While navigating our way through an often competitive world and workplace, it can be tempting to boast about our achievements or focus only on ourselves as a way to stand out. But is that truly the best way to live?

Being humble is not a weakness. Instead, it is a strength that can serve as a trusted guide with a purpose of gently reminding you that life is more than material objects and professional accomplishments. Leading with humility is about being kind, focusing out instead of in, sharing recognition, and practicing gratitude for all the gifts life brings you every day.

“Being humble means recognizing that we are not on earth to see how important we can become but to see how much difference we can make in the lives of others.”

--Gordon B. Hinckley

 Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Exercise: Viewing Life with Awe

On October 13, 2021, ninety-year-old William Shatner became the oldest man to fly in space via the Blue Origin rocket. After the craft touched down on Earth eleven minutes later, Shatner emerged, obviously touched by his experience.

While relaying his post-voyage feelings to Jeff Bezos, Shatner wiped tears and said, “I hope I never recover from this. I hope that I can maintain what I feel now. I just don’t want to lose it.” In short, Shatner was changed forever simply by changing his perspective and seeing the awe in life.

When was the last time you changed your perspective and viewed your life with awe?

 You don’t have to fly to space on a rocket to feel something similar to what Shatner experienced that day. All you have to do is observe your life, experiences, and challenges from a different viewpoint or angle.

Today, make an effort to see your life just as William Shatner saw space and Earth—with wonder, awe, and excitement. All of this in the vast universe—nature, love, difficulties, and joys—is here just for you.

Think about this. You are just a tiny speck in a vast universe. The fact that you are even here is a miracle in itself. As you plug away doing the best you can every day to be a better person, make a contribution, and spread love, it’s important to never lose that feeling of awe and to remember that you are here for a reason.

You are a miracle who has experiences unlike any other in the world. You have the ability to view the world in your own, awe-inspiring way while knowing that what you hold in your head and heart from your experiences and views of your life are yours to keep.

Go outdoors and look up at the enormous sky. Think about all the miracles that surround you every day. Airplanes soaring. Clouds floating by. Birds flying. Stars twinkling. Listen to the wind in the trees. Feel the warmth of the sun on your face. All of these are wonders never to be taken for granted.

Be like William Shatner and make a pledge to stay in awe mode. Always.

“There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.

The other is as though everything is a miracle.”—Albert Einstein

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice - Making Decisions without Becoming Overwhelmed

The thought of making difficult decisions can be overwhelming at times. Because of this, we often become stuck at a crossroads, unable to move forward in life. Guided by our fears of making the wrong decision, we stay in a place where we may not feel fulfilled or content.

The trick to successfully navigating through your thoughts to make the best decision for you is learning to utilize the three voices in life: the head, the heart, and the gut. Each has an important purpose in the decision-making process:

The head creates rules that include core beliefs, expectations, and an objective review of what is possible and not possible.

The heart holds our true desires.

The gut gives us permission to follow what’s in our heart.

Today, think of something positive or good that you would like to see more of in your life. Perhaps you want to live closer to nature. Maybe you want deeper relationships or a more fulfilling job. Close your eyes and place yourself in that picture. See it. Feel it. Invite this experience inside of you.

Now, focus in and listen to what your head is telling you about this experience. Often, your head tells you what you should do. Leave that thought for now.

Next, listen to what your heart is telling you. This will most likely be very different from what your head is telling you. These are your true desires. Step back from these thoughts and leave them there.

Finally, go a little deeper and listen to your gut. Our gut instinct is what we already know deep inside. This is our validator. What is it saying about your decision and desire to pursue this thing you really want more of in your life? Stay there for a few moments. Really listen.

Open your eyes. You should now have a clearer idea of where to go from here.

As you become aware of these three voices and the important part each plays in the decision-making process, bringing them all together as one cohesive voice will help you mindfully contemplate your options, confidently make decisions, and then take small action steps every day that move you in a more positive direction.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Mindfulness Practice: Finding Quiet in a Busy World

It can be difficult to boost our joy and zest for life and all it has to offer when we feel pulled in several directions every day—all in an attempt to please everyone else, not ourselves. Therefore, while existing in a world that now expects us to be “on” the majority of the time, it is vital to be mindfully aware of our innate need to find a quiet space to reflect, think, and just be.

“Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.”

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

At least once a week, leave your distractions behind and seek a peaceful place where you can unplug, recharge your battery, and rest your mind. While resting in this space, drink fresh water, write in a journal, listen to the sounds of nature, eat a healthy snack, and take in everything around you with every deep breath. Focus on accepting yourself just as you are; listen to what your head, heart, and gut are saying; and quiet your critical inner voice with positive affirmations.

This is a loving space, just for you. Use it for good, so that others may look at you as an example of how to really live.

 “Peace is its own reward.”

--Mahatma Ghandi

Work is not everything. Our children and grandchildren are not everything. Our spouses are not everything. It is you who is everything. There is only one you. Take good care of yourself.

 Earth teach me quiet ~ as the grasses are still with new light.

Earth teach me suffering ~ as old stones suffer with memory.

Earth teach me humility ~ as blossoms are humble with beginning.

Earth teach me caring ~ as mothers nurture their young.

Earth teach me courage ~ as the tree that stands alone.

Earth teach me limitation ~ as the ant that crawls on the ground.

Earth teach me freedom ~ as the eagle that soars in the sky.

Earth teach me acceptance ~ as the leaves that die each fall.

Earth teach me renewal ~ as the seed that rises in the spring.

Earth teach me to forget myself ~ as melted snow forgets its life.

Earth teach me to remember kindness ~ as dry fields weep with rain.

--A Ute Prayer

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Three Ways to Transform into a Leader

Recently while on a bike ride on a path alongside a creek, I came upon two boys riding side-by-side. As a fork in the path loomed ahead, I overheard one of the boys say, “We’re lost. I don’t know which way to go.”

The other one glanced around to assess their options and then decisively replied, “Follow me. I know the way.” A few seconds later, they were on the right path.

Which one do you think is already a leader?

What makes one a leader and one a follower? How do some lead teams, their children, or athletes through the unknown and their fears to achieve great things while others wait on the sidelines for someone else to take charge?

True leaders either innately possess or learn to refine certain skills as they develop and grow, both personally and professionally. Below are three skills that you can begin polishing and utilizing today to become the kind of leader you’ve always admired:

1.     CONFIDENCE. This skill is often the most challenging to learn and put into practice. Confidence comes when we walk through our fear of failure to take that first step into the unknown. Confidence comes when we focus on lessons learned rather than mistakes or failures, and then adjust our behavior or thought processes to avoid making the same mistakes again.

Action step: An easy way to build confidence is to keep a weekly log of your accomplishments. Review it at the end of every week and then keep the logs in a file you can refer to when you need a little boost.

2.     SOLUTION-FOCUSED. Leaders point their compasses at solving problems, not creating them. Often, they see problems before they occur and begin developing solutions. While others are busy complaining and lamenting about how bad things are, leaders are busy collaborating and developing options that create a clear path forward.

Action step. The next time you identify a problem, begin contemplating action steps you can take to resolve the challenge and create a positive result, either for you or your family, team, or company. Document the steps and then determine what is in your control and whether you need help in implementing solutions. If so, recruit your team and then get to work. 

3.     MOTIVATIONAL. True leaders have the ability to motivate others to be the best they can be, even when delivering less-than-ideal news. By focusing on strengths, praising good work, and helping manage weaknesses, they provide the kind of encouragement that boosts confidence in everyone around them.

Action step. Make a point of recognizing achievements around you. Even small contributions can have big impacts or lasting positive implications. Focus your attention on others instead of yourself. Express gratitude and show appreciation. We can all learn from everyone, not just those at our same level. 

By implementing the action steps and focusing on refining the three skills listed above, you can transform into a true leader and a shining example for all who cross your path.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Are You Living in the Past, the Future, or the Present?

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future,

focus on living fully in the present.” ―Roy T. Bennett

There are three ways to live life. One is to constantly return to the past where we seize the opportunity to identify our regrets, relive our mistakes, and question why we have had to endure challenges.

The second is to live in the future where we seemingly believe that if we gaze into an imagined crystal ball, we can somehow predict everything that is going to happen to us, even when we know deep inside that life is more often unpredictable than not.

Finally, we can choose to live in the present, where we are mindfully aware that we are most content when we embrace every moment with wonderment, gratitude, and curiosity.

While it is sometimes helpful to return to the past to heal old wounds or identify learning lessons to take forward in a positive way, or to temporarily look into the future in order to set attainable goals or pinpoint how to align ourselves with our best life, living in the present invites us to journey to a place of acceptance where we openly welcome all that life brings, both good and bad, while knowing that with each experience, we are provided with an opportunity to learn and become better versions of ourselves.

As terrific as that idea sounds, it can seem like a daunting task, especially when we have been living in either the past or the future for some time. So what can we do to make this task become more effortless?

First, practice becoming mindfully aware of when you are expending unnecessary energy to return to the past to beat yourself up or attempting to imagine a future that has not unfolded.

When you realize you are living in the past or future, gently bring your mind back to the here and now. Look around you. Really see everything: your family members, the flowers in your garden, or your pets. Identify one thing to be grateful for right now. Breathe.

Lastly, think of an easy phrase that allows you to bring yourself back to the present whenever you find yourself living elsewhere. That phrase could be, “Here and now,” or “Stay focused,” or “Be present.” Repeat this phrase several times until you feel yourself right here, right now, in this moment.

If you find yourself living in the past or the future, remember that you are not alone. Everyone deals with this challenge at some point in their lives. With that said, it is important to note that the most content people have developed and then incorporated a consistent daily practice that promotes a “be here now” mindset.

Be patient with yourself as you begin this practice. Even the best habits take time to implement. You are here to learn and grow. By implementing this disciplined practice, you are doing just that.

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“Sometimes what a person needs is not a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.” —Unknown

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Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.