A Simple Way to Stop Gossiping, Complaining, and Criticizing

You may have seen her on Saturday Night Live. She’s Debbie Downer and she’s a real downer. When she goes out with her group of optimistic, happy friends, it is not long before she brings the entire clan down with her depressing comments about injuries, accidents, and illness. We all may know a Debbie Downer, but we also understand that we’ve all done it at one time or another—and may even do it several times a day. When we complain, gossip, and criticize others, we bring negative energy into not only our own lives, but also the lives of those around us. Just turn on the news and you realize how easy it is to be a Debbie Downer these days.

In the book A Complaint Free World, Will Bowen suggests wearing a bracelet or rubber band around the wrist to tackle the challenge of eliminating this habit or pattern. Every time you catch yourself complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, you must move the bracelet to your other wrist. You may not remove the bracelet entirely until you have gone twenty-one days straight without gossiping, complaining, or criticizing.

Is it hard to quit gossiping, complaining, and criticizing? Definitely. While this practice may not be perfect for everyone, it does create awareness, which is the first step in initiating positive change in our lives.

While attempting to create awareness, it may be easier to tackle one habit or pattern at a time. For example, for the first seven days, focus on decreasing gossip. During the second week, turn your attention toward complaining. In the third week, do your best to address your criticism of others.

In the beginning of this practice, your bracelet may move quickly from wrist-to-wrist as you learn how often you have been allowing negative comments to surround your life like a black cloud. But then, after a few days, you may notice that you are switching your bracelet from wrist-to-wrist less often. Even better, you most likely are beginning to feel happier. Without being allowed to gossip, criticize, or complain, you could be smiling, laughing, and spreading positivity more often. What could be better than that?

You may never make it twenty-one days without complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, but you might get close. The book suggests that this process of changing how we view life may take as long as four to eight months, but isn’t that a short period of time in an entire life? Suddenly, it doesn’t seem like an unrealistic goal at all.

Simply put, when you feel the bracelet on your wrist, it reminds you that you are a work-in-progress. Although you are not perfect, you are perfectly capable of becoming a better person with every day.

All blog content is original, not AI-generated.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

How to Create (and Stick to) a Morning Routine in Four Easy Steps

We all have days when we wake up and think that lying in bed sounds like a much better idea than getting up and facing the day. But when you have a reason to put your feet on the floor (besides work or feeding the dog or kids), it makes life seem less mundane and more purposeful.

So, what kind of regular routine might give you a good reason to get out of bed in the morning?

First, focus on yourself only. This is a tough one, but necessary. You have the absolute right to tune out the rest of the world for a few minutes every day. We are all needed by others in some capacity every day, but you also need to connect to your true self on a regular basis in order to maintain your physical and mental health.

Keeping in mind that the focus is inward (thinking of my own pleasure), not outward (attempting to please others), now determine what routine you can easily implement into every morning that places you at the top of the list before everyone else in your life.

Step One: Identify a simple activity that you enjoy the most in life. Is it journaling? Meditating? Praying? Stretching / yoga? Making specialty coffee? Painting? Watching the sunrise? Taking a walk or running? Riding a bike? Reading?

Whatever it is that makes you feel most happy, fulfilled, and at peace, do that first before anything else.

Note: If you must get out of bed earlier to make it happen, the activity has to bring you enough personal fulfillment or pleasure to make it worth it in your mind.

Step Two: Schedule the activity or activities on your phone calendar. The amount of time you spend on the activity is up to you, and doesn’t have to be lengthy. For example:

Meditate (6:00 a.m. to 6:15 a.m.)

or

Stretch (6:15 a.m. to 6:25 a.m.)

or

Journal (6:45 a.m. to 7:00 a.m.)

When your phone reminds you of the activity, take action. It may be challenging at first. Your mind will naturally resist. Change your mindset from (I’m too needed by others to do this) to (I need this time for myself), and get started.

Step Three: Pledge to complete this activity or activities for five out of seven days for the first week. Be disciplined. This is for you and you only. Many people struggle with the concept of putting themselves first, but if you don’t, you may not be presenting your best self to the world.

Step Four: Assess how you feel after a week. Did you want to get out of bed more than usual because you planned the activity every morning? More importantly, did the activity make you feel good? Was it easy to implement? If not, adjust. Try again the next week. Keep trying until it feels natural to think of yourself first.

It’s not selfish to create a daily morning routine that makes you feel good about yourself and the reason why you are here first, before anything else. Give yourself permission to start right now.

You are worth it.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Your Truth Lies in Your Dreams

Xia Boyu was in his twenties when he first climbed Mount Everest in 1975. Just before reaching the peak, he and his team became trapped at the summit for two days and three nights due to bad weather. After using all their resources, they were forced to retreat without achieving their dream. While on their descent, Boyu gave his sleeping bag to a teammate who lost his own. As a result, Boyu lost both feet to frostbite and soon transformed into a double-amputee.

Some may have given up their dream at that point, and lived out the remainder of their years ruminating about the failed attempt. But not Boyu. When he ultimately received the gift of prosthetic legs, his purpose was renewed. Despite an eventual battle with cancer and other seemingly insurmountable setbacks, he worked diligently for the next forty-three years toward his goal of summiting Everest again. He tried in 2014, only to abandon the climb after an avalanche struck and killed 16 people. In 2015, an earthquake in Nepal stopped his attempt. In 2017, he tried again without success. Through it all, Boyu never gave up.

On May 14, 2018, at the age of 69, he finally reached the summit on his fifth try, becoming only the second double-amputee to do so. Since then, he has received a Laureus World Sports Award, served as a torchbearer at the Beijing Paralympics, and become an inspiration to not just those with disabilities, but to others around the world who look to him as an example of perseverance, positivity, and what it looks like to live fully and without regret.

While your goal may not be to summit Mount Everest, it is equally as important to persevere through your challenges, setbacks, and fears, just as Boyu did, to fulfill the dreams you imagine for yourself. For over four decades, Boyu picked himself up again after every attempt and continued to press forward. He never surrendered.

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” –Pema Chödrön

Your truth lies in your dreams. Bravely walk into the unknown, face your fears, and don’t give up when your path becomes lined with obstacles. Your hurdles are what make you stronger and more determined than ever to be all you can be.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Why Looking Back Helps You Look Forward

As a year ends and a new one awaits on the horizon, we are offered an exceptional opportunity to reflect on the past twelve months, identify what we have learned, and then carry forward those lessons to make the next year even better. One of the most valuable aspects of this practice is that it helps us remember that we are not expected to be perfect while we are here and that there are no failures—simply lessons.  

 “You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.” 

--Sophia Bush 

While taking time to remember what you have learned, it is optimal to document your identified lessons in writing followed by a positive action step, inspired by this lesson, you would like to take forward into the next year. This allows you to view your life from another angle. An example of a lesson might be: 

I’ve learned that it is important for me to be adventurous. To explore the world. To go to new places and find out how others live. To listen to their stories. To learn that we are all more alike than different. These experiences are what make me feel alive and part of something much bigger. 

Action Step for 2023: I will plan two trips that take me out of my comfort zone and allow me to gain new experiences and insights. 

 “Everyday life teaches us a new lesson without any classroom.” 

--Danish Khan 

Another example might be: 

I’ve learned to own my truth and individuality. In order to attain my best life, I will identify what I want for myself (not what others want for me), and then determinedly head down this path. I will not feel critical of myself for pursuing what makes me happy. 

Action Step for 2023: I will create a weekly list of goals to achieve that move me one step closer every day toward my ideal life. 

This end-of-the-year practice also encourages you to talk back to the inner critic who is constantly telling you that you must be perfect, that you must compete with others to be happy, and that your fears are bigger than your dreams. It also allows you to release other negative thoughts that are holding you back from moving forward with a positive outlook. Finally, this practice empowers you to remember that you are the one who controls your life and attitude. 

 “Why let go of yesterday? Because yesterday has already let go of you.” 

--Steve Maraboli 

Before 2022 ends, become the most curious person you know. It’s time to get to know yourself on an even deeper level by taking an honest, nonjudgmental look at the past year, and then using what you learn to create a clear plan going forward that brings you more fulfillment and encourages you to shine your unique light onto the world. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Are You Fully Alive?

When asked, many of us might describe the majority of our days as simply ordinary. We go to work, come home, watch television, and go to bed. The next day we wash, rinse, and repeat. Although we know that every day can’t be exciting, it can still sometimes feel like we are in autopilot, methodically moving through each activity or habit without fully living in the moment. 

 You have the power to transform your thinking, anytime, anywhere. 

A friend once shared that when she is experiencing something new or exciting, she throws her head back, raises both her arms in the air, and yells, “I’M ALIVE!” This fun practice is such a great reminder to not just yourself, but to everyone around you to celebrate every extraordinary life experience. 

Whether you are riding a roller coaster, hiking a challenging trail, falling madly in love, traveling the world, giving a speech, taking candid photos, creating art, teaching others a skill, helping someone in trouble, or learning or trying something new, these moments in time provide an opportunity to stop, find joy in the experience, and then celebrate your existence in your own unique way. 

Occasionally reminding ourselves that we are fully alive is an extremely valuable step toward realizing happiness and fulfillment. 

 It is possible to celebrate your life every day in small ways. 

Right now, think about what are you doing when you feel fully alive. How often are you doing these activities that bring joy, make you feel proud of yourself, or build confidence? Replace one mundane habit (watching television) with a new habit (taking an art class) that pairs a concrete action step with your new pledge to live fully. 

 Do more of the things that make you come alive. 

Life is meant to be lived, not endured.  

Why are you here? I’m certain you are not here to robotically navigate through every day while wondering if this is all there is to life. What I am certain of is that you are here for an important reason – to fully live. 

There’s no time to waste. Get busy celebrating life and your beautiful existence. 

(Need an example? Watch the below video of Masaka Kids celebrating their lives!)

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Who Are You?

Photo by Vicky DeCoster

Finding and then embracing our true identity can be one of our biggest challenges in life. While trying to determine who we are and what purpose we are destined to fulfill while here, we can often feel weighed down, confused, frustrated, and in need of answers. 

When feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to stop for a moment, retreat into nature, breathe deeply, and look around. In nature, there are no two trees alike, no two animals alike, no two plants alike, no two hiking trails alike, no two sunrises alike, and no two sunsets alike. 

As you take in the gifts that nature provides every day and take note of their one-of-a-kind beauty, now is the time to remember that in the entire universe, there is no one else just like you. You are full of opinions, ideas, and love—all unique to you.  

Today, I am sharing an original poem that may help you remember that just like the sun, the moon, the stars, and everything else in nature, you are exactly how you are meant to be. As you grow, develop, and bravely step outside your comfort zone, believe that everything in your life is progressing just as it should. Be open to learning, seeing yourself with compassionate eyes, and knowing that your journey is yours and yours alone. 

You are the one and only you. Be proud, stand tall, and never give up. 

 I AM 

By Vicky DeCoster 

 I am 

like a star in the sky 

that illuminates the darkness 

In its own way. 

I am 

like the moon 

that glows in all its unique glory 

amid a vast universe. 

I am 

like a blade of grass 

that blows in a gentle breeze 

graceful yet resilient. 

I am 

like the sun 

that warms the Earth 

while reminding of new beginnings. 

I am 

like the water 

that flows downstream 

and helps shape all within its reach. 

I am 

like the sun, the moon, the stars, 

and everything else in nature 

just how I am meant to be. 

I am me. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Understanding and Communicating Your Perceptions

Perception is complicated. What we see when looking at the same thing—whether it’s art, a complex problem, a crime scene, or two people having a conversation—can widely differ between us. It should not be viewed as a setback or frustration when we all don’t see things alike. In fact, when we see things differently, it can be a tremendous asset in resolving challenges.  

“What you see is not what others see. We inhabit parallel worlds of perception, bounded by our interests and experience. What is obvious to some is invisible to others.”—George Monbiot 

The Art of Perception® in New York City is an organization that educates professionals and other leaders on how to enhance their observations of visual information and then effectively communicate those observations to the outside world.  

Its founder, Amy Herman, created the four As as a simple way to help others navigate through their unique perceptions of the world around them, and then clearly convey what they have seen to others. When viewing a situation or problem, try implementing the four As to gain a clearer understanding of your own perceptions as well as the perceptions of others:  

ASSESS:                      Stop and look. What do you really see? Take your time. 

ANALYZE:                   What is important and not important about what you see? 

ARTICULATE:              How do you want to communicate what you have seen to others? 

ADAPT OR ACT:         What do you want to do? Change your behavior to adapt to the situation or change the situation and make a difference? 

By assessing, analyzing, articulating, and adapting or acting on our perceptions, we are better able to find common ground with others around us, a path forward, and a greater appreciation of how our minds work differently to produce great ideas and solutions. 

Invite in the quiet and then open your mind to viewing and sharing your perceptions in a new way. It is through this practice that we not only learn more about ourselves, but also how to understand and respect the perceptions of those around us. 

 “There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors of perception.” ―Aldous Huxley 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

The Value of Setting a Daily Intention

We are all guided by values we hold close. Just like we are all different, our values are as well. Yet even though we do our best to place importance on our values on a regular basis, we sometimes push ahead in life without remembering what they are or using them to help guide our decisions and realize goals.

There is tremendous value in reviewing our bigger goals and then setting a daily intention for ourselves that helps us get there, one step at a time. Intentions can be set in the mind or documented through a daily journaling practice that invites us to look back whenever we want to see how far we have traveled while on our personal growth journeys. Writing down an intention for the day as the sun rises allows us to look forward to see the possibilities that await us. Every sunset provides an opportunity to review our intentions and determine whether they were valuable in helping us get to where we want to be. If not, there is always tomorrow to reset and create a better intention.

The beautiful thing about the intention-setting practice is that you are in charge of the entire process. An intention can address your desire to take better care of yourself, it can address how you want to present yourself to the world, or it can address a specific goal. There are no rules. Setting an intention every day places you on a clear path. You are the expert of your own life. You know what you need and want. Intentions gently remind you of what you need and want and then help you get there.

Here are a few examples:

To be guided by joy and love in all I do today.

To let go of the sense of urgency to get everything done today.

To find and embrace the inner peace that is always within my reach.

To eat healthfully and treat my body like a sacred vessel.

To look forward, not back.

To practice gratitude for all the simple gifts life provides every day.

To just be.

To find purpose in every step I take today.

To be okay with where I am right here, right now.

To walk with confidence.

To journey in grace with myself and others.

To be okay with whatever happens today and in whatever order it comes.

Setting intentions is a powerful practice that can guide you to attain the life you desire. All you have to do is wait for the next sunrise to start the transformation.

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.

Where Does Happiness Come From?

In Tanzania, the power often goes out during a rainstorm. On a recent occasion, a group of small children applauded instead of complaining about the darkness. When an adult asked them why they were so happy to be in the dark, they replied, “Now we can sit around a candle and talk about our days.” Later, the children decided to also seize the moment to dance and sing. 

Even at such a young age, these children have already grasped that happiness comes from recognizing each moment—even the inconvenient or challenging ones—as an opportunity to find joy and learn. 

Happiness comes from the moments when we are able to find joy in the little gifts that life places in front of us. It is about changing our perspective. It is about practicing gratitude for the teachable experiences that provide a valuable lesson for us to take forward in a positive way. 

Instead of lamenting about how difficult life can be at times, we choose to identify the blessings and then readjust our mindset by asking ourselves, “What do I need to do differently in this moment to feel gratitude instead of resentment?” 

Life is challenging, unpredictable, and full of change. Happiness can sometimes be elusive. Even so, it is important to remember that we have more control over how we react and feel about our experiences than we think. 

Change your perspective and invite happiness in to celebrate every teachable moment with you. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com. 

Being Okay with Being Yourself

Most of us probably have felt like we didn’t belong at some point during our lifetime. Whether this event occurs on the playground, at work, or at a party, it can leave us with an unsettling feeling that, whether we realize it or not, often prompts us to question our characteristics, values, and personality traits and then wonder, “Why am I not good enough?” or “What’s wrong with me?”  

Truth be known, research studies have proven that humans are instinctively programmed with a desire to fit in, and will sometimes even alter their behavior in minor ways to do so. We all want to be unconditionally accepted for who we are, and it is our fear of rejection that often drives our need to belong. Yet, sometimes our quest to be accepted is not healthy, especially when that desire causes us to overhaul our entire personalities and become someone we’re not.  

 It can be exhausting to be a fake version of ourselves. 

If you are feeling the need to undergo a major transformation every day to fit into a certain environment, it may be time for you to evaluate whether you are presenting your true self to the world. Here are a few introspective questions that can lead you through the self-evaluation process:  

1. Who is my support group, and do they have my back at all times?

2. Is there anyone toxic in my support group who does not want the best for me?

3. Do I need to create boundaries to eliminate toxic influences?

4. Do I feel like I am a square peg trying to fit into a round hole when I am at work?

5. Is there another professional role for me that would be a better fit or is it the culture?

6. If the answer is “no” to the above two questions, what would I like to be doing instead or what kind of culture would better fit my personality and core values?

7. What is my best characteristic?

8. Am I proudly presenting that characteristic to the world every day or am I trying to push it down and being someone I’m not?

9. Who am I really? (List all your characteristics and then circle how many you are currently exhibiting to the world on a daily basis.)

10. What is one thing I can do today that will lead me down a better path to being my true self, everywhere and all the time?

Think of it this way. Chemistry is important in every relationship and in nearly all situation in life. When we feel the right chemistry either with those around us or in any environment, we feel accepted, appreciated, and encouraged to be ourselves. No one can really explain chemistry. It’s a feeling. A nudge. A flutter in the gut. It’s either there or it’s not. Pay attention to the chemistry in your relationships and environments. If it’s not evident, move on. 

In the future, if you find you’re acting like someone you’re not the majority of the time, then ask yourself this powerful question:  

 Is this my ideal life, or am I living someone else’s? 

Then begin the self-evaluation process. It’s an insightful and extremely important step to ensuring you are being your authentic and unique self, always and forever. It’s really about accepting yourself and all your special qualities, isn’t it? There’s no one else exactly like you. Be yourself, love who you are, and you’ll be a magnet that attracts your best life. 

Vicky DeCoster is a Certified Life Coach based in Omaha, Nebraska, who specializes in helping her clients both locally and nationwide to move past obstacles, create a plan for happiness, and cross the bridge of transition to find a new and fulfilling direction in life. To read more about her and her practice, visit her at crossthebridgecoaching.com.